Christmas is a time for laughs and with most television comedy being utter shite I thought I'd look at a type of comedy I love, riffing on bad movies. The main reason is because there are so many Xmas riffs available from the collective riffing groups of Mystery Science Theater 3000, Rifftrax and Cinematic Titanic. As such I thought I'd have a look at what's available.
Mystery Science Theater 3000
Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (Episode 321)
First up MST3K's first stab at a Christmas special and it features a classic of bad movie proportions. When a bunch of Martians decide that they need to bring joy to their robotic kids (or is that just robotic kid actors?) they fly to Earth and kidnap Santa. They also take a couple of annoying Earth kids so they don't tell anyone of their plan although they instantly shaft the plan up the pie hole by leaving Mrs. Claus and the elves alive. Whoops. What follows is the goofiest, wackiest most boring film your kids could ever wish for. Santa cracks some bad puns, a baddie Martian continuously tries to murder Kringle and thekids and we meet Droppo, the comic relief. Oh Droppo why? Imagine an even less likable Rob Schneider caked in green makeup prancing about with the grace of Giant Haystacks in high heels and you're still nowhere near the horror of this performance. The whole movie is available to view on Youtube unriffed if you're some sort of masochist or something here.
Thanks to this and a number of sketches that have gone down in Mistie lore as classics this episode is well loved.
That said the riffing isn't always at the strongest that they managed to muster during season 3 of the show. As such it also tops many an over rated episode poll. It's still a very good episode though and one well worth seeing, especially for the movie and skits. Be warned though, the movie has been known to make kids act violently towards parents who let them see it!
Santa Claus (Episode 521)
MST's second Xmas episode isn't based on the Dudley Moore film but rather a 1950's Mexican movie that presents maybe the most bizarre telling of the Santa myth, sorry, Santa legend. Seriously, the only way to describe this movie is that it's effin nuts! Santa Claus Conquers The Martians sounds like a nutty extravaganza but no matter its set-up it's actually quite a boring film. That can't be said about this one. Santa lives in a magic sky castle and is surrounded with all sorts of weird inventions. He ends up doing battle with one of the Devil's minions called Pitch, who's out to corrupt the children of the world, sorry three Mexican brats. Santa seems to have the ability to just magic up some sort of power as he needs it, like the flower that makes him disappear or the various magic powders that allow him to alter the dreams of kids and stuff. Oh and Merlin turns up as well.
The movie's insane charm, the guys who made it are some sort of crazy creative geniuses, coupled with top riffing make this one of MST's best episodes. It came at a time where the show seemed to do no wrong, and even the changing of a host didn't derail it.
Rifftrax
Nestor The Long Eared Christmas Donkey
Come on, you know the story of the hideously deformed animal mocked by his peers until he is finally accepted after he is chosen to guide an important figure at Christmas. That's right, Nestor is so beloved...no, wait, he isn't. That's someone else. Nestor's one of those stop-motion animations from the 70's. It's a bit rubbish and is perfect riffing fodder. Be warned though, it features donkey death, a very unsubtle racial metaphor and some of the most cynical Xmas riffing you could hope to hear. If you love this time of year don't watch this. It'll turn you!
Star Wars Holiday Special
Oh the humanity!
You may never have seen the Star Wars Holiday Special. You may have never even heard of it. This infamous Xmas special was created to cash in on the original film's huge success and features pretty much the whole cast, albeit in cameo roles as that's all they could get through before the embarrassment/coke got the better of them.
So what is it exactly? Well, it's a two hour mess! You know how people talk about the idea that the makers of The Clangers were all high when they did it but of course they weren't because drugs wouldn't have led to such a great show? This is the results of actually being high and then making a TV show. A TWO HOUR TV show. The main story sees Han and Chewie attempt to make it back to the latter's home planet for "Life Day". Sadly we get to meet Chewie's family, which consist of his feminine version of him wife, frankly disturbing jaw dominated father and his son, Lumpy. He's meant to be cute...
They essentially act as a wraparound story for various bizarre sketches featuring lame comics from yesteryear, the band Jefferson Starship and Bea Arthur from The Golden Girls. Singing. Oh and a very bad little animation that appears to be the template for Droids and Ewoks that features Boba Fett and as such fans claim it's the only good thing in this. It's actually piss poor and goes absolutely nowhere. The love comes purely from all those sad SW fans who masturbate furiously over the bounty hunter. The whole special is, to put it simply, the most hellish thing ever made and as such Lucas has done his best to erase it from history.
But bootlegs still exist, and it is one of these that Mike, Kevin and Bill riff on. It's available to view in full or download on Google Video. Rather brilliantly the video also features very old 70's American commercials which they riff on as well. Sadly it isn't the version that is the source of one of South Park's most obscure references, the whole "fighting the frizzies" thing.
The Star Wars Holiday Special really is something you have to see, whether a fan of the films or not. Be warned though, if you are it may shake your faith. It stands as proof that Lucas really couldn't be trusted and the only reason the original trilogy didn'nt suck hard was because others directed Empire and Jedi. Watching it without the Rifftrax may lead to mental scarring though so make sure you pop over to their site and download it. It's one of their funniest efforts, and even though the thing they're riffing on gives them a lot to work with it must have been hell watching this over and over again.
Seriously make this one of the comedy highlights of your Yuletide. Much better than a My Family Xmas Special anyway.
A Visit To Santa
A Visit to Satan more like. In this little short from Rifftrax that appears to be the closest we'll ever come to "A David Lynch Christmas" we see suicidal elves, toys without souls and a murderous Santa who lives in Pasadena and uses a magic helicopter and a rocket to get about on account of all the shopping centres he must visit. The music is enough to chill you to the bone.
Christmas Toyshop
Another nightmarish hell vision boiled down into ten minutes of Xmas "cheer" that will have your kids fearing and loathing you in equal measures this yuletide. In it a ghostly elf being uses magic dust to keep some kids asleep while their ex-Stooge of a father attempts to set up the tree and gifts. The powder brings on a hallucination in which the real Santa, also a bumbling twonk of a man, recants a tale to the kids told through the wondrous tool of shoddy animation. In it a be-top-hatted spider/dog kidnaps a Little Miss Muffit doll and a bunch of toy soldiers murder it by throwing it off a shelf so that all of its limbs break off. The kids are unfazed by this and look forward to Christmas morning anyway. Your kids may not be so unshakable.
Christmas Rhapsody
This year's Rifftrax Xmas short sees us narrated at by an insignificant fir tree. Oh how he goes on about how rubbish he is. Then some forresters come with saws and I think you can guess the ending...
Cinematic Titanic
Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (yes they redone it as if the first time wasn't painful enough)
That's right, you can sit through Santa's obliteration of an extraterrestrial people once again! And now there's extra scenes!
Alright he doesn't kill anyone, although Droppo should have been smothered in his bloody sleep. The film's the exact same, only more so, but the riffs are all new and might even be slightly stronger than the original MST ones. There's only one sketch and it's merely humourous but that doesn't matter. The CT way of riffing is different enough from the MST way that it's well worth watching both for Christmas.
Just don't blame me if the movie disintegrates your eyeballs.
Live Stuff
13 years ago
No comments:
Post a Comment