Films Of The Year: Red's List

So we're at the end of another year. Time to look back on my favourite films then. Here's my personal top 10, although I missed seeing Waltz With Bashir thanks to there being like three showings of it in the entire country so who knows if that would have made the list, there's a good chance it would have. Also of note, this is based on UK release dates so there may be a few that came out elsewhere earlier, but I couldn't see them earlier so they're counted as 2008 movies here. Anyway here it is;

10) Iron Man

It doesn't quite stand up to a second showing, but on first viewing Iron man came as a huge, hulking surprise. It may have been that I didn't have any expectations at all for the film, in fact I hadn't given the thing any thought whatsoever, is what led me to enjoy it so much. The action's great, the humour pitch perfect and Robert Downey Jr. is bloody excellent. Some of the ethics may be questionable, and the origin story isn't really anything special, hence why multiple viewings may not do it justice, but it's a big, fun Hollywood blockbuster done right. And sometimes that's a very good thing indeed.



9) Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Or the other comic book movie sequel that's better than its first part. It's also the most creative film you'll see this year by a long mile. In fact until Del Toro makes something else it'll be the most creative movie about full stop. You only have to check the DVD extras, about four hours, not including commentaries, dedicated to how everything was created. And you can see the hard work on the screen. Just look at the troll market, the opening tooth fairy scene or the incredible looking Angel of Death, another Del Toro character with eyes in another place that isn't the head.

Thankfully it isn't just an exercise in beautiful art and character design. It's also an exciting, fun and damn hilarious movie. The script may be bitty, playing like a series of scenes that don't always serve each other, but the visuals, the set pieces and the performances paper over those cracks.

8) The Orphanage

Here we go with the token foreign movie on the list, although to witness the advertising campaign for the film you'd have no clue that it's actually Spanish, such was the attempt to make it look like a thrill-ride Hollywood movie. What it in fact is is a tragically beautiful ghost story, all the better for being quite old fashioned in its scares. Instead of the nastiness that plagues current American horror The Orphanage relies on unnerving you through the simplicities of sound design and camera placement. Add to that some fantastic performances and a heartbreaking plot that doesn't give up its secrets easily and you've got a movie that can be nothing else than highly recommended. Or Spanish for that matter. It's not a shock that this was compared to Pan's Labyrinth, not just because Del Toro pulls a Spielberg and has his name above the title in a "presents" capacity, but it is too a sad fantasy that may or may not be taking place entirely in a character's head after real life tragedy has struck. Are these real ghosts haunting the old house, literally the past coming back to haunt the present, or are they the imprints of loved ones now gone returning to help with the pain of bereavement. The fact that it is left open means that the film is all the stronger for it.

7) Burn After Reading

One of two Coen Brothers films to appear in the UK this year and we should be thankful for that. Why? Because off of the back of No Country For Old Men's signaling of an almighty return to form for the Coen Brothers Burn After Reading proved that it wasn't a fluke. We have the Coens back to their goofy, funny best. BAR's closest relative in the Coen canon is probably The Big Lebowski. It's hilarious, has an amazingly complex plot that's ultimately about nothing much and takes its cues from the novels of the likes of Chandler and Cain. It also has one of the best casts assembled this year, and thanks to the re-teaming of Clooney and Pitt the Coens were able to introduce their quirky, dark and at times shocking way of filmmaking to an audience more than likely oblivious to them.

6) The Dark Knight

Forget the hype. Forget the hysteria of the fanboys that has led to The Dark Knight sitting at number 4 on IMDB's top film list and featuring at 15 in Empire's top 500 films ever. The hype doesn't do The Dark Knight any favours. The hype could make it very easy for people to rally against the film and this is unfair. Simply put it isn't the greatest film of all time. Hell, it's not even the best film this year. What it is though is a clever, exciting and most of all entertaining piece of cinema, one that deserves love. As does Heath Ledger's performance. Just like the film as a whole perceptions of it could be clouded thanks to the tragic death of the actor. It's easy to say that the calls for all the posthumous awards are sentimentality but all you need to do is actually see his Joker to realise that he deserves them. What should have been his defining role amongst a long career as one of acting's heavy hitters will sadly define him for other reasons now. Of course his performance has overshadowed the great work done by everyone else. In what must be the year's best cast Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine again do the business while Maggie Gylen...Gillen, Jake's sister, proves to be a good addition after Katie Holmes decided to do whatever it is she does now. I think its modeling hairdos but I'm not sure. the two you have to feel sorry for are Christian bale and Aaron Eckhart. The former spends pretty much the entire two and a half hours behind the mask doing a silly voice, but at least he has Begins to show the depth he brings to the character when you can actually see his face. The latter turns in a performance that in any other film would have people drooling and falling over one another to hand awards to. A shame really.


5) In Bruges

I've just watched this on DVD as I missed it in the pictures so there isn't a review of it on here yet.

Along with WALL.E In Bruges is easily the finest written film of the year. It's a hallucinatory tale of two Irish gangsters essentially trapped in the purgatory of the titular Belgian town after a hit goes wrong. What at first looks to be the usual British gangster flick quickly turns into one of the funniest, and no doubt offensive (SPOILERS), films you'll see all year. The setting lends proceedings an air of a fairytale, which the writer/director Martin McDonagh seizes on to fill his plot with bizarre goings on and almost unbelievable coincidences throughout. I won't spoil any but it's safe to say that if you are easily offended, or one of those people who can't take a bloody joke, then don't bother with In Bruges.

Oh, and did I mention it swears like a bitch? In fact it uses swearing in a way so brilliant that it's up there with the comedy series Modern Toss for most creative uses of 'fucks' and other assorted naughty words. The best bit is that it seems to have taken so many people by surprise because McDonagh is considered "a genius of the theatre". With In Bruges, and his short film, the excellent, Oscar winning Six Shooter, he seems to now bask in puerile humour and shocking violence. Of course that's how it looks on the face of it for those snobs and the previously mentioned PC mob, but there's lyrical beauty to the language contained and the film has some genuine depth. It also helps that he has one hell of a sense of humour!

4) The King Of Kong: A Fistful Of Quarters

Or the most exciting film of the year, a story of a failure everyman taking on the man who has everything, backed by an evil empire designed to stop anyone toppling him. And what is it that they're competing for? The high score on Donkey Kong. This isn't some geeky gaming film though. The games are inconsequential in the end, it's entirely about the conflict between Steve Weibe (everyman) and Billy Mitchell (the champ). It's kind of like Rocky but featuring contestants that couldn't punch through wet paper.

The best thing about this documentary is that the makers have found an incredible narrative full of intrigue and questionable morality. The characters, real people of course, are brilliant too as the people who indulge in professional gaming are an interesting bunch. Most importantly it's not a film about games so if they're not something that interests you don't fear, all you are provided are small potted histories about the people and succinct descriptions of how to play Donkey Kong for those that don't know. It doesn't sound it, but it's one of the most tense and entertaining films of this year and in Mitchell's lackey Brian Kuh we have the most hiss worthy bastard of the year. Seriously, he's a tube.

3) No Country For Old Men

Or that one with "that ending". Well "that ending" works perfectly with the slow burning film that precedes it. Of course it was also known as "that one that got Best Film when There Will Be Blood should've won". On other words No Country is a film that has been shat on for a year now and it really doesn't deserve to be in that position. It's a great film and if anything should be known as "that one that finally got the Coens out of that funk they were in". It's a brutal, tense, and occasionally even funny affair and one of the year's absolute best. It's worth seeing even if it's just so you can agree with the haters.

2) There Will be Blood

Daniel Day-Lewis. Paul Thomas Anderson. Oil. A deaf kid. Jonny Greenwood, that there bloke out of The Radio Heads, doing the music. Epic scenery. Robbed at the Oscars. The best ending of the year. "I just want to make enough money so I can move away from everyone". Henry Plainview. "I drink it up!".

I could've written loads about the work of art that is There Will Be Blood, but then just listing some good stuff still makes it sound like a film you really need to, and should, see. And yes on hindsight it probably did deserve the Best Picture wee gold man award over No Country. And just like how everyone moaned about the ending of that film, missing the bloody point, they moaned about There Will Be Blood's final scene as well. Screw them it's fantastic.

"I'M FINISHED!"

1) WALL.E

What can I say about WALL.E? Pixar's films can be considered one of the finest bodies of work by a group of filmmakers and WALL.E might be the pick of the whole lot. It's just so beautiful visually, narratively and in its characters that it's almost overwhelming! Forget those who moan about it "oh how can a lighter still work?" "how can he come back when his motherboard gets changed?" "it's a pro-green left-wing advert for saving the planet". These are people who have no heart and probably kick puppies in the face. Anyone who doesn't look at the little robot's expressionless yet highly emotive face and melt is dead inside. Let's hope Oscar gives it due credit over all those "worthy", on other words dull, films just because it's a "kid's cartoon". It's art! WALL.E isn't the film of the year, it's the film of the bloody decade.

Well there you have it. The awards are not done yet though, as we still have The Spliceys to come, now at a later, as yet undetermined date because we're lazy. We'll announce it soon...

ish.

CT 6 January 8th

Those lovely folks at Cinematic Titanic have dredged up another piece of cinematic dreck to pummel the living daylights out of using only their words. It's an Italian film called Frankenstein's Castle Of Freaks and it looks to be perfect fodder for these titans of riffage as the trailer suggests:



It's out January 8th and you can get it here along with their other rather excellent efforts.

Merry Christmas!

Splice Advent Calender 08: Day 24

S. A. C. 2008: December 24th

How Santa's Sleigh Works

So how does one fat guy, a bunch of elves and a shedload of toys make it around the world, well the Christian bits anyway, with just a sleigh and some reindeer at his disposal? HowStuffWorks have had a stab at it, since Kringle ain't for talking.

Now there will be those cynical, cold-hearted sods that'll claim that there's no way to move at that speed. They'll say that Santa would burn in screaming agony while Rudolph and his reindeer chums would turn to paste. Screw them. These are the people that don't deserve happiness. The biggest problem with Christmas is that the innocence and wonder is lost for everyone over a certain age, and I'd say that age is getting younger. So instead of poo-pooing the magic do something to keep the spirit alive, like when Norad track Santa's progress on Christmas Eve.

Let's make this time of year special, not just for the kids, but for everyone, regardless of age, religion or race!

Merry Christmas (or whatever holiday you choose to celebrate, I'm personally looking to create Chocolatemas for this time next year) everyone!

Splice Advent Calendar 2008: Day 23

S.A.C. 2008: December 23rd

Well its come to my last day of opening the calendar so I will simply wrap up the Christmas Tree saga, my decorations are complete and so the grand unveiling is upon us. It may be this is its only viewing as i dont get too many visitors (one, two, three, AHHHHHH!) so here it is in all its glory. Just enough time to say, Merry Christmas to all Splice subscribers and casual readers, hope Santas good to you.

Ruud

Splice Advent Calender 08: Day 22

S. A. C. 2008: December 22nd

Inappropriate Christmas Songs

Splice Advent Calendar 2008: Days 19 & 21

So here is what happened, again it happens every year without fail, i opened the door on the 19th and nothing was inside, nothing at all, i thought thats weird but ultimately with nothing inside there is nothing to show you guys. But, directly below the number 19 door is 21 and when i opened that this morning i found out that 19 had slipped down and the two were there in front of me. I am sure this has happened to you all so no need to give me hard times, basically now you get a double treat today and ye cany grumble at that!

S.A.C. 2008: 19th December

Time for another Christmas minor irritation, today its.....aftershave/perfume ads! What the bloody hell are they all about? What are they telling us? Are we really to believe that if we buy this stuff then we will look like that, act like that an have burds falling at our feet? really?

Some of the culprits, Armani's Diamonds both for men and woman, the aftershave has Josh Hartnett in it, the perfume; Beyonce, bugging as hell, Dolce and Gabanna aftrshave, the ad has Matthew McConoghey with his shirt off, do i really need to see that at half time during the fitba? er, no. Paco Rabann's One Million is on all the bloody time another ad that gets my tits! Sean John, Armani code, Chanel no 1, the one with Nicloe Kidman that is like Moulin Rouge, the list goes on and on! Basically it seems its just a bumper pay day for film stars, the bastards, making us feel inadequite while trying to convice us to buy their products witht heir thinly veiled line of bullshit advertising!

If your wondering what i am talking about, simply type a particular perfume or aftershave into youtube and go mad or click onto this guys page cos he is collating them for some weird reason. (surely everyone hates them?)

http://www.dmfragrances.co.uk/store/perfume-adverts.aspx

An advert i would like to see thatr is to do with aftershave would be a lesson in how to put on aftershave with George Clooney or some guy from Lost (not John Locke) because really, who knows what to exactly do with it, do you actually put it on your face, behind your ears, on your wrists? what is the protocol for aftershave, its one of the mysteries of growing up and one that seemingly has never been revealed, when we die i suppose we will be told the meaning of life and the secrets of putting on aftershave, both of which will be of absolutely no fucking use then!

Incidentally, form Christmas day onwards the Aftershave spaces are taken up by ads for settees, but dont get me started on them!

S.A.C. 2008: 21st December

I think Red's summation of the Holiday Tv on day 20 is a bit cynical personally, an excuse for a cheap gag really. So here is my pick of the festive telly from today till new years day and i wont be using the frankly snobby radio times rather the free telly book out the Sunday Mail.

21st: 30 Rock. Channel five. I havent seen this show and its whole first season is being repeated on five over the festive period, it kicks off tonight so i shall set ma video for it.
22nd: Father Ted Xmas Special. Channel 4. A tv classic.
23rd: Rab C Nesbitt. BBC2. Back after all those years, this might very well be pish but here is only one way to find out.
Xmas Eve: Sky High. BBC1. Good film about a school for superheroes.
Xmas Day: National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. ITV. The Griswalds at Chrimbo, what could be better.
Boxing Day: Worlds Strongest Man; 30 Years of Pain. Channel five. It wouldnt be Christmas without Strongman for me so this is a look back at all that sort of stuff, atlas stones, pulling trains and whatever the hell Met RX is.
27th: Fitba. Setanta/Sky Sports. Old firm for those who care but waiting on the Killie score with Jeff Stelling is terrific fun.
28th: Big Fat Quiz of the Year. Channel 4. Always good fun.
29th: Uncle Buck. ITV. Its frustrating when these sort of films appear on at afdternoon times as they have clearly been edited to take the super funny swearing out but even still this film is class.
30th: Shooting Stars. BBC2. A show that shaped my sense of humour, bloody love it when Vic Reeves kids on he is playing the keyboard while Bob dances. bloody love it.
Hogmanay: Only an Excuse. BBC1. Its been right shite for years but still needs to be watched.
New Years Day: The Krypton Factor. ITV. its back, spend the whole show booing that they havent brought back Gordon Burns though (its old host) unless it turns out its quite gid, then just watch it and enjoy.

and thats it, the 2nd sees Celeb big bro come back, which might be good, and the new year sees lost, dexter and stuff back so its not all doom and gloom. Happy viewing.

Splice Advent Calender 08: Day 20

S. A. C. 2008: December 20th

Christmas Telly

I've got my Christmas edition of the Radio Times so let's have a look at what's on between today and January 2nd.

Splice Advent Calender 08: Day 18

S. A. C. 2008: December 18th

In response to Ruud's Xmas tree saga I thought I'd post some of my own. Shamefully I don't put them up in my house, I'm not a scrooge I'm just lazy. So here's a video I made of Paisley's Christmas lights which are actually pretty damn good. Enjoy:

Splice Advent Calendar 08: Day 17

S.A.C. 2008: 17th December

here is my top 5 Christmas songs. these are the ones that get me going year in year out. The ones i actually enjoy repeated ad nauseum for 6 weeks!

#5.



#4.



#3.



#2.



#1.

Splice Advent Calender 08: Day 16

S. A. C. 2008: 16th December

Look at this Xmas billboard advert:


Now is it just me or are we being forced to look up a turkey's vaginal cavity? Or did Christmas On Mars actually freak me out more than I actually let on?

Splice Advent Calendar 08: Day 15

S.A.C. 2008: 15th December

It always happens, every year, usually when you slept in on a school day and were rushing around trying to brush your teeth and put your jumper on.

What am i talking about? forgetting to open the advent calendar of course, and thats what i did. Hence, the 15th door is being opened on the 16th (today), now lets see whats behind that door................

Its Christmas gambling time! yeah!

Typical seasonal punts are number one in the pop charts and also whether or not it will snow. but there are others.

Xfactor sadly has taken the fun (was their really any fun?) out of the race to xmas number one but the bookies are still taking bets. In fact paddy power is taking bets on who will finish top without the xfactor single in the running. what about Status Quo at 50/1 or Jeff Buckley at a 9/4 for all the sad sacks that think getting it to chart will actually mean something in the long run. Plenty of choices to be made!

What about number one toy? here is your choices, again with paddy power.
High School Musical 3 Musical Dance Mat 3 - 1 Catcha Beast 9 - 1 MB Elefun Game 16 - 1 Star Wars Clone Trooper Voice Changer 5 - 1 FurReal Biscuit, My Lovin’ Pup 10 - 1 Dr Who Classic Figures 20 - 1 Rubik's Cube 5 - 1 Dance with me Teletubby 11 - 1 Rescue Pals Swim To Me Puppy 25 - 1 Ben 10 Deluxe Omnitrix 6 - 1 In The Night Garden Upsy Daisy and Her Chase and Play Bed 12 - 1 BABY born with Magic Potty 33 - 1 Hannah Montana Tour Bus 7 - 1 Bakugan Battle Brawlers 6 pk 12 - 1 Cupcake Maker 40 - 1 Elmo Live 8 - 1 Bop it extreme 14 - 1

am i missing something, Dr Who clasic figures, really? what kid wants that pish? personally Il have the rubiks cube please!

Anyway, glasgow is 7/4 to see snow on the big day, the same price as New York!

Check out any big bookmaker site and look at their xmas specials, happy xmas gambling!

Splice Advent Calender 08: Day 14

S. A. C. 2008: 14th December

So you've taken Ruud's tips on what to buy your loved ones, but there's that one lot of born again Christians twice removed on your Mum's side that you haven't figured out what to buy for yet. What do you get them since absolutely everything that brings joy that isn't somehow related to our saviour is a sin?

You get the kids these for a start:



As for the adults? For Dad how about some Jesus socks? Mum's a bit trickier. You see as much as she'd probably like an apron it's doubtful it''ll make her as happy as this flash game. That'll teach him for stealing the Lord's thunder this Yuletide.

See, sometimes the best gifts really are free!

Splice Advent Calendar 2008: Day 13

S.A.C. 2008: 13th Decemeber

its now the 13th, your probably bricking it cos you havent done your shopping and there is only two weekends left and the shops will be rammed and your skint and all the other reasons, yada yadda yadda.

Here is 5 totally stinking ideas for gifts to fuck with your head.

Splice Advent Calender 08: Day 12

S. A. C. 2008: 12th December

Christmas On Mars



Oooh where to go with this one. I love The Flaming Lips, hokey hippie stuff and all, but the prospect of a movie shot in Wayne Coyne's back garden about madness in space always had the whiff of something bad. Of course it could have been excellent, their music is even though some of the ideas can be a bit fluffy and that. Sadly it's not.

The plot's a mess, the acting's poor and to put it mildly, it's pretty fucked up. It's not all bad though. Some of the visuals are pretty impressive, especially the sporadic use of colour, and the sound is fantastic, although that was pretty much a given of course.

Sadly in the end what this feels like is a bunch of people making their own little, low budget It's An Erasurehead Christmas out their backdoor. That said if you're planning on getting really high this Christmas to survive the "festivities" and want a film to freak you out that has a Yuletide theme then this may be for you.

Splice Advent Calendar 2008: Day 11

S.A.C. 2008: 11th Decemeber

Time for a wee moan. This

is a classic, no doubt about it a cracking tune and as mucha part of Christmas as Turkey, Santa and Jesus, (maybe slightly more than Jesus in these commercial times)

BUT

and its a big but, why on the video, played repeatedly i must add are the drums at the end so loud, i cant get them out my head, and am tellign you incase you havent noticed it. Annoying! a minor annoyance, true but an annoyance all then same. Your life will never be the same again, sorry.

Splice Advent Calender 08: Day 10

S. A. C. 2008: 10th December

Now to that all time Christmas classic, a film of small town cheer with a big heart, sure to warm the cockles of even the loneliest soul this Yuletide:

Splice Advent Calendar 08: Day 9

S.A.C. 2008: 9th December

this may get deleted from youtube sometime soon (it happens more often than you'd think) so if its a blank screen your seeing well thats what happened, i should tell you that its really good, and funny too, with a Christmas twist which is kinda mandatory for this sort of advent calendar type thing.




NEWS FLASH!

Update on my tree, it succesfully survived transit from one house to another, bauble shopping yesterday was fruitless, i am today pondering the merits of tinsel on a tree, is it socially acceptable, should i decorate my tree with it, and if so do i want big thick tinsel or thin floaty stuff?

Splice Advent Calender 08: Day 8

S. A. C. 2008: 8th December

It's a Die Hard Christmas Motherfuckers!

Splice Advent Calendar 2008: Day 7

S.A.C. 2008: 7th December

I moved into my own wee flat in February this year so this is my first Christmas in it so i thought i would post updates on my decorations. The tree was bought on Friday and put put up last night, its a work in progress i must stress, the lights and about 6 baubles are on it, i shall post all further alterations for your viewing pleasure. It stands at three feet tall and cost me the princely sum of £2 pounds, The lights are blue and white and they cost £3.50, when the big light is out and its just the tree lights on it turns the white tree an lovely hue of blue, very nice.

Next on the shopping list is some more baubles, and a angel for the top, or a star, i havent decided yet. i might even if the mood takes me, make my own baubles, though i must admit, that is highly unlikely. Also this photo was taken at my Girls house not mine, it has still to be moved to its home. Anyway, i am off to do a little Christmas shopping tomorrow so it may not look so bare by Tuesday, i shall return with more photos.

Splice Advent Calender 08: Day 6

S. A. C. 2008: 6th December

Cinematic Titanic: Santa Claus Conquers The Martians



Cinematic Titanic's Christmas offering is a strange old affair for anyone who worships at the alter of Riff. You see the movie they have chosen to verbally destroy is Santa Claus Conquers The Martians, not so much a film as a high speed sleigh crash that killed four, ruining Christmas for all the children of the world, as long as they live in the Jesusy bit. So far, so good then. They've picked a movie worthy of the treatment meted out to it. The problem is is that it has had this treatment before. And not just by anyone, but by Mystery Science Theater 3000, or for those not knowledgeable of the Riff family tree, the show that the Cinematic Titanic crew all started out on. And it's not even a minor entry in that show's canon. It's considered an out and out classic, so much so that it was packaged in a set called The Essentials with maybe the most famous episode Manos: The Hands Of Fate. Repeated riffs aren't new. In the same season as the original Santy Claus they redone a number of Japanese movies, including five Gamera titles, previously attacked during the show's Season Zero. They improved on the first attempts no end, with a few becoming classics that the first goes would never. But the original Santy isn't a fumbled, improvised attempt like those Japanese ones so why re-riff?

It would appear for no other reason than to say "because we can". That and it really is an Xmas movie that deserves to be massacred for the holidays. Both that and the determination to prove that they can do it seems to have brought the best out in them.

Now at this juncture I'm going to admit that I am not one of those who believes that the MST3K treatment of Santy is one of their best. I actually find it to be one of their most overrated episodes. The host segments are excellent;



and the riffing is of a good level but next to some other episodes from the same time, and the later Xmas episode riffing a Mexican movie called Santa Claus, show it up to be nothing more than a decent episode. As such the consternation I felt about CT re-doing this was borne out of the idea that sometimes it's best to leave the past behind. On other words I actually shared the belief of those who love the first version that they might not do a funnier version. The main reason is the film itself. It's a glorious mess, but it's also quite boring. Plus I wasn't too sure about the whole re-riffing thing as a whole. The movie's been done by you already so just leave it.

Well, and I don't want to sound like a CT sycophant after four positive reviews so far, it's bloody brilliant. My preconceptions were made to look foolish by this. Not only is the new riffing good, it's better than the MST one. Any reservations about having to go through this film again were quickly quashed by the material. See the thing is, it's been a long time since that original episode. A long time for the writers/performers to change and for a lot of stuff to happen. At one point Joel even gives a nod to this fact by pointing out that he can't remember why Pia Zadora being in it was funny to them.

There is another secret weapon, the one CT riffer who wasn't on MST when Santy was riffed. Josh Weinstein had left the show after Season 1 so this is his first crack at it. What he does here is something that has been impressive to me about him throughout CT so far, he's a bit edgy. He seems to be the one that goes places, such as the MILF Kringle line or pointing out that not every kid's Christian in the world. And check out his cynicism during the ladder scene.

Despite being a "repeat" this is terrific fun, and perfect Xmas viewing. What at first appeared to be a problem turns out to be CT 5's strength. By repeating a movie that has been previously riffed and is well loved it has forced them to operate at the highest riffing level. Having to write a whole new set of riffs has forced them to try new angles. It's these things that make this better than the original MST3K treatment. Ultimately redoing a movie brought out the best in these guys and proved me wrong in the bestestest of ways.

You can get Cinematic Titanic 5: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians here on DVD or in high-tec download.

Splice Advent Calendar 08: Day 5

S.A.C. 2008: 5th December

Ah, the joys of Christmas mixed with terrorism:

Splice Advent Calender 08: Day 4

S. A. C. 2008: 4th December

Who said Christmas was all about money and commercialism? Well me actually, and here's the proof!

Not content on letting the song "Twelve Days of Christmas" lie, money men haven't only calculated the cost of buying all of the items, you know many a prick has thought of doing it to show his woman how much she means to him, now they're moaning because the cost has went up. It sits at $21,080 according to the Yanks who do this thing for a laugh, because when you're in the financial industries this is as funny as it gets folks. But now they're trying to pretend it's worthwhile by claiming it highlights where America's economy's at each year. Yes, shock horror, stuff costs more!

But it turns out the reason for a sharp increase in the cost this year is down to something even more volatile than the stock exchange; the swan.

So if your "true love" is wondering why she's having to do with a couple of budgies and some jelly rings out of the Pick 'N' Mix remember, it's all the swans' fault.

Splice Advent Calendar 08: Day 3

S.A.C. 2008: 3rd December

I can't resist folk doing clever stuff with lego. Apologies for the Crazy Frog.

Splice Advent Calender 08: Day 2

S. A. C. 2008: 2nd December

So you're a bit confused as to what this "Christ mass" thing is then. Some people are even cutting about calling it "Winterville" so as not to offend non-Christian types. But what do you do, where do you go if you don't know your Christmas arse from your elbow? How do you find out if Jesus and Santa are brothers, if Rudolph's nose is actually a sign of heart disease?

Here, that's where! Thanks to the folks at How Stuff Works you can now find out exactly how Crimbo works! Sift about and find out hunners. To quote from the intro to the piece:

­The first harbingers of Christmas arrive in October when jarring sales and dec­orations follow fast on the heels of summer. But by December, Christmas's true heralds are out: twinkling lights lining streets, the smell of balsam and spice cookies wafting through the house and visits from friends and relatives. The season's spirit drives people to the mall, to the kitchen, to midnight mass and to festive gatherings.

Personally it drives me to fucking drink.

Jim Bond: One Month On

I for one am delighted that the webspace that is SPLICE seem to be a haven for people who dont particularly like James Bond. It is, effectively, a Quantum of Solace from Bond if you will. (see what i did there?)

I suppose this has broken the silence so i will enlighten you to my experiences of Bond while here and be done with it.

In total i have seen five Bond films. In the order; Goldeneye, Tommorow Never Dies, Dr No, From Russia with Love and The World is Not Enough. Goldeneye was surprisingly good, Tommorow Never Dies was ok so i thought i would watch them from the beginning, Dr No and Russia were Love then i gave up, "fuck it" i thought, i just dont get it, what is it about Bond that everyone (some of my mates especially) cream their shorts about? The final nail in the coffin was actually spending money at the cinema to see The World is Not Enough. Utter tripe.

I have seen some of the props from the films, the motor that goes under water or something, some other car that does something unbelievable, a gun probably, er, it was a wee while ago now that i was in Florida but i did see it.

And thats it, if i am honest then i will admit that i have hankered slightly to see Casino Royale but so far havent followed through on it. Maybe i wont.

This is all very meandering, just felt that something had to be said about Bond, James Bond and this is all i can offer, so bearing in mind i havent seen all the films, i have heard most of the songs and in all Bond based things people pick out their favourite villain, favourite Bond, favourite song, yadda yadda yadda. So my favourite Bond out of the 2 i have seen is Brosnan, favourite film: Goldeneye. the song from this the newest film has slowly grown on me and personally i think its a cracker so its my favourite Bond Theme. There we go, the dirty deed is done, Bond has been broached and i have came out the other side. So go wash your hands and then come back and enjoy Jack White and Alicia Keys.

Splice Advent Calendar 08: Day 1

S.A.C. 2008: 1st December 2008

Splice Advent Calender abbreviates to SAC, well that basically says it all doesnt it. Ok in keeping with the spirit of last years calendar here is some video i found on the inter web of world wide geeks. The countdown to Christmas has begun. Enjoy.



oh aye, in case you cant put your finger on the Christmas reference, THE TUNE IS JINGLE BELLS!

Ruud Kerouac

The Splice Advent Calender 2008

Starts today.

That's right, it's that time of year again! The countdown to Xmas begins. Twenty four days of Xmas related goodies, or more than likely, Xmas related chuff. Ruud and myself shall be taking it in turns to bring you Xmas cheer!

So everybody;

JINGLE BELLS, BATMAN SMELLS...

Happy St. Andrew's Day

Zack And Miri Make A Porno

So you're Kevin Smith, king of the gross-out comedy with heart. But somethings gone wrong in the kingdom of the dick joke. A usurper has, well, usurped you. While your back was turned doing a small turn in the latest Die Hard, and probably some other stuff too, along came the one named Judd to steal your crown. What do you do? Well you get back on your horse and challenge him to a jous...oh fuck it! He went and made a movie that out grosses him, in eww factor, not money, and cast his muse, hero of the ugly Seth Rogen in the lead.

Quick synapse, Zack and Miri are broke and after a chance meeting at their high school reunion and some unwanted Youtube stardom realise that porn's a quick way to make some cash. So they make one. The big obstacle? They have to have sex with each other after twenty years of friendship, and we all know sex complicates things. Basically it's a movie full of dick, pussy, arse and shagging jokes with some limp emotional stuff thumbed in there for good measure. On other words, it's a Kevin Smith film.

It's also a Judd Apatow film, but Smith sets himself apart from his fellow rotund director through the idioms of his speech and the plotting. Whereas both are loose in an Apatow film thanks to liberal improvisation, Zack and Miri feels tighter. The dialogue is all Smith. The characters speak faster, the terms of reference slightly more geeky and there are the usual obsessions, mucky stuff, Star Wars and racial and sexual politics. As for the plot, it's actually pretty conventional feel-good Rom-com fare, just with anal jokes so that men feel comfortable watching it. In fact it's so conventional that like Toy Story it would be a perfect screening for a scriptwriting class if you were trying to demonstrate three-act structure with a mid-point. It would be an interesting class, but it is true. There's also some Smith autobiography in the plot. The characters make a movie in their workplace after hours, just instead of it being a renowned award-winning "indie" film it's a porno. But this is more Chasing Amy than Clerks.

The biggest problem is that mushy stuff that tends to rear its head in Smith's films. He's not the only one guilty of it, but in his films it really jars because he isn't the most subtle writer. When doing the outrageous stuff he seems to be comfortable, he can let loose and does. But when he has to reign himself in for the tender stuff it feels a tad unnatural for him. Thankfully it tends not to ruin his movies, most are just too funny, but it still rankles. For Zack And Miri the problem is that it's a film of two halves. The first is a riot but post mid-point pump the "emotions" start to take over. There's still laughs, including a particularly fantastic anal joke involving an unfortunately placed cameraman, but not as many.

Zack And Miri's positive nature is mostly justified though, and a lot of that comes down to the characters and those playing them. These are likable people and you do want them to succeed. Rogen plays himself, as always, but there's nothing wrong with that since he seems like a guy you'd enjoy a pint with down your local. It's also good to see Clerks stars Jason Mewes and Jeff Anderson turn up again, both work well with Smith. The real gems, though, are Craig Robinson, good to see him finally get more than a few scenes as he's great in the US version of The Office, and Elizabeth Banks. She is at once beautiful, and yet somehow believable as a woman in this situation, instead of the usual Hollywood bints. It's probably because she allows herself to cut loose just like the guys and so really fits in.

There's a lot to love about Smith's new film, but there's a nagging feeling that he really is trying to capture the Apatow magic after he beat him at his own sweet gross-out game. Those bemoaning his loss of "indie"-cred, whatever the fuck that means, because to me it suggests spending more than a tenner on your budget and hoping people actually go and see your film, won't be won over by this. The emotions get in the way a little too much, but the laughs thankfully outweigh any mushy pish. There's no one quite like Smith when he's in full flow and in Zack And Miri that is thankfully often. If you just allow it to entertain you then you'll enjoy it. Just don't expect anything more than that.

Cinematic Titanic 5 Out Now

Just in time for Xmas the Titans are tackling the poo-filled stocking that is Santa Clause Conquers The Martians:



One little point; they already riffed on it during Season 3 of Mystery Science Theater 3000:



I'm not too sure if I'm happy about the repeat, but if the results are good then who cares? I'll let you know if it'll make your Xmas as soon as it arrives in the mail!

Sorry!

Been busy with work recently. As it stands I've been editing together some videos which you can check out on the Youtube Channel meaning that I haven't really had time to write anything, or more to the point, see any films.

There are a few things that will be posted soon. The Flaming Lips' film Christmas On Mars arrived in the mail the other day and Zack And Miri Make A Porno shall be viewed this weekend. Plus when it arrives I'll be watching the new installment of Cinematic Titanic.

Other things include a shitey wee sketch, do I make them any other way, a look at Pixar thanks to WALL.E coming out on DVD, some sort of Xmas thing, it may be like the Halloween thing or it might just be the second advent calender, and the films of the year. I'll put money on my list being the only one that doesn't place The Dark Knight at number 1, but I may be wrong!

Futurama: Bender's Game

And so to the third of four Futurama "films", Bender's Game. As previously stated the main problem with Bender's Big Score and The Beast With A Billion Backs was that they felt episodic, mostly due to the fact that they really were four episodes each stuck together. As much as there's a common story running through them, the structure dipped and peaked as the episodes changed. Bender's Game goes a long way to fixing this, but still not completely.

Bender's Game is Futurama's stab at the fantasy genre adopting Dungeons And Dragons and Lord Of The Rings as its basis. What would be the last two episodes take place in a fantasy world and run like a full forty-five minute episode. What would be episode two leads up to how they get there. The wrangle comes with the first segment. It introduces some stuff integral to the plot but then takes what seems a pointless detour when the crew take part in a Demolition Derby. It feels a little unnecessary even if it does lead to a few things that kind of pay off, such as Leela's electro-shock collar, setting up her abhorrence of the violent being she becomes in the fantasy world.

I could go on, but Bender's Game is funny as hell, still as flawed as the other two Futurama "movies", and more than likely won't win any new converts. If you love Futurama then you know this is for you. If you don't, well it isn't.

Ruud's Halloween

I thought i would just say on the subject of Halloween that this year is one of the only years that Halloween actually falls in my home town the same day it falls in everyone elses.

Halloween in Kimarnock is on the last friday of October, every year, the 31st of October means nothing to the good Killie people, if the 31st falls on a Thursday, then we have done all our trick or treating (rubbish americanism which blows big fat ones) or rather going round the doors with your party piece and basically forgot about auld hallows eve before the rest of the western world has got round to dressing up!

But this year the last friday IS the 31st or rather was, so the planets are aligned and Killie becomes part of the human race again.

Halloween: a pointless exercise which teaches bad things for children to learn. Never talk to strangers we were told, except on th 31st (last friday in Killie remember) of October when you can go around strange weirdos and local paedos doors and ask for sweets and apples, monkey nuts and the occasional fifty pence bit. where is the sense in that? fuck of back to america halloween where you belong, we want our kids kept safe and not growning up a bunch of Britney Spearses and Linsey Lohans!

actually, that has given me a thought,

Halloween usually means that hot burds are careening round the town dressed like slutty nurses and sexy bees generally more scantilly clad than we are used to seeing in the times after the clocks go back, fuck it, come on back Halloween! all is forgiven!

Scary Films.

the splice guide to halloween scary films has been a more or less Ruud free zone, basically cos i dont like them. saw a few but thats it. i could make up for it by a wee look at films where folk burn shit to the ground for Guy Fawkes night but fuck that, no i will turn my attention to the spice guide to romance in the lead up to Valentines! or is that a bit gay?

Ruud Keroauc

Happy Halloween To You

Here's a scary video for you. This is a terrifying series of images:



Told you. Also the scariest, creepiest song I've ever heard!

Happy Halloween!

Slither

And so we come to the end of the Splice Halloween marathon thing for this year and what might be the most intense of all the films suggested. Slither is a strange, brilliant beast. It's a mish-mash of horror staples done in a style that recalls Evil Dead, Re-Animator and a ton of those schlocky 80's comic horror films. It too is very funny, but the humour is used to punctuate a pretty extreme set of events. So for every funny line, of which there are many, or stupid action, ditto, there are alien rapes, fat women giving birth to killer slugs, guys getting split in half, cows getting killed and the mutation of one character that just spirals until he takes up a house.

It sounds terrible when written down, I suppose much like Bubba Ho-tep, but just like that movie it's all about the execution and the performances. Nathan Fillion is the hero Bill Pardy, although I use hero in the Ash in the first Evil Dead sort of way, and as can be expected from him he's great. Goofy, charming and finally the guy you do want in this situation. Elizabeth Banks is also fantastic as Starla, a woman you most certainly don't fuck with:



The masterstroke in the casting though has to be Michael Rooker, who played Henry, that serial killer they done a portrait of, who as Grant Grant moves from an obnoxious slob through soeone experiencing love for the first time in their fifteen billion year lifespan to murderous alien to mutant freak with aplomb. Grant's the guy who finds a meteor with an alien parasite in it. it infects him, but has to use his brain and body to go about business so falls in love with Starla. then the parasite begins to mutate his body and he becomes a tentacled freak. That's not all, as he has set up a "womb" which gives birth to alien slugs that burrow into a host's brain, making them into a zombie that is connected psychically to Grant's original parasite. Then they go through the process of becoming one physically. So it's an alien possession, creepy crawly, mutant, zombie movie that's a bit like a comedy as well. A lot to take in.

It's a film that knows what it's doing though. As much as the threat keeps changing, and as a result the main protagonist of the movie changes on a number of occasions, this never becomes a mess, well it becomes a gory mess but that's something else altogether. this is thanks to James Gunn, who directed and wrote it. He's a guy that knows the genre very well, he wrote the 2004 version of Dawn Of the Dead and worked at Troma Films for quite a while. As a result he knows what he wants to do, and that is re-create those 70's and 80's films such as the early Sam Raimi and Peter Jackson ones, or the works of David Cronenberg during that time. There are many, many nods to the films throughout Slither. And what is so impressive about it is that Gunn has turned in a film that is worthy of those directors. It is intense, in an Evil Dead or Braindead sort of way. It bludgeons you with its ideas, and it is pretty damn sick. There's a good level of gore, disgusting but never too much that it becomes ridiculous, see Braindead, but there is also some genuine comedy found here too. Not just in the witty banter, but in the actual events. It's a film that becomes funnier the more you are acquainted with the genre .

In short if you're looking for just one modern B-movie to view with a group of friends on Halloween then Slither's the one. It was released about the same time as Snakes On A Plane and slipped under the radar while that film rode in on a wave of hype that was totally mis-placed. But it's a gem for those who like their horror gory, funny, sick and extreme. See Slither, it's one of the best movies of the past five years. I'm serious!

Ross and Brand

In suspenders from the BBC for phoning Manuel from Fawlty Towers and telling him that his grand daughter has been pumped. Lets face it we all know the story its been done to death in the papers and on the news.



I would like to put the Splice team forward to fill the gap. Film 2008 with Red and Ruud, Friday Night with Red and Ruud. Fucking hell, if you ahve seen any of the big mans videos on here he is a shoe in for ponderland as meandering bollocks talking is his favoured mode of verse!



Dear BBC,

myself and my esteemed would like to be considered for any of the posts you have available after "rossbrandgate" (can i claim this as my own?) we feel we fit the bill as we have done some radio work before (our excellent show breaking balls (see the list of websites splice endorses on the left of the screen)) and in all our time we never worked out how to get the phone to work so we can be seen as relatively low risk.

cheers for listening.

ruud and red

i think we have a chance.

i will now ask for my coleague to film a wee opening credits video for our new film 2008 show including the old barry norman music. and i will put a thanks underneath it showing that i asked, he obliged and i thanked him. (ie put vid under this but above thank u mate)

Cheers bud.

Ruud Kerouac

Action edit from Big Red:

Right here's what I knocked u. It features the new theme tune, a short synopsis of the sort of guff we'd do and then appeals to the Beeb. I suppose this is really a pitch tape for something that can and won't happen!

Enjoy:

Bubba Ho-tep

Strap yourself in for the plot to this one; Elvis and JFK are alive and unwell in nursing home in Texas. The former swapped places with an impersonator for a quiet life, the latter survived Dallas and was dyed black by the CIA so he couldn't be found. Then they realise that a mummy who has lived in the American south for so long that he's become a redneck has been sucking the souls of the residents of the nursing home through their bums thanks to some graffiti he's left in the public bathroom after crapping the soul residue out. Well The King and the President ain't taking it and armed with an electric wheelchair and a zimmer frame set out to kill Bubba. Oh and the entire narrative thrust of the film revolves around Elvis getting his first hard-on in over a decade.

It sounds like the most ludicrous film ever made, and yet it is in fact poignant, surprisingly moving and damn funny. Of course it's up to you if this is really Elvis and JFK, common sense would say no but the movie peppers little clues that suggest that they may not be two old mental cases. Either way by the end you'll have fallen so greatly for the characters that you won't care if they're the real deal or not. In fact you won't even notice how ridiculous this all is. This is mainly thanks to the performances. Ossie Davis as Jack is at once Presidential and also paranoid. Look for the little quirks he brings to the role, forever looking out for Lyndon B. trying to get him. Even better is Bruce Campbell, the God of cult schlock. It is often ignored, mainly thanks to the films that Campbell is in, that he is a pretty good actor. The fact that he chooses to do these projects, as opposed to them being all he can get, shows this. If you've seen his stint in the show Burn Notice you'll have already realised how good he can be. Here he is breathtaking as a man defeated, regretting the choices he has made in life and reduced to a bed-ridden, cancer of the penis stricken wreck. As the events unfold he finds he still has some life in him and finally gets to play the hero and go out a somebody. Again it doesn't matter if he really is Elvis, he believes he is and so he experiences true longing for a life gone south. The fact that Campbell manages all this while trying to be one of the most iconic people who ever lived, and a staple impression of every drunk guy, while in tons of old guy make up is even more unbelievable. It's just typical that when he finally turns in a performance like this he does it in a movie with this premise meaning that it will be forever ignored. It's unjust and deserves to be seen.

It's not just a sad peon to how to grow old gracefully. It's also a great comedy. The premise should tell you that, but the whole approach to language, and in particular Elvis' way of describing stuff is just beautiful in its hilarity. The fact that Elvis would clearly describe the size of a cockroach in relation to banana and peanut butter sandwiches is brilliantly observed, as is Bubba's hick speech, represented by hieroglyphs that spew forth from his mouth. Also look out for Jack's Oval Office style room and his words to ward off evil.

Bubba Ho-tep is a classic example of a film that could never be made within the studio system. Its premise is just too ludicrous and its execution totally skewed from what you'd expect. If a studio did green light this they'd insist on something less sad, more scary and they'd probably want a younger Elvis. And Bruce Campbell would never be allowed in this, unless he was killed first.

The Monster Squad

Twenty reasons, in no particular order, why The Monster Squad rules:

1)The pompous opening salvo about Van Helsing and the vampire fighters that concludes; "they blew it".

2) Shane Black co-wrote it.

3) It's got a montage in the most 80's of senses.

4) "Scary German guy's bitchin'".

5) "We're at war with Vietnam. It's in Rambo!"

6) Richie Aprile from The Sopranos is in it.

7) Groundhog Day Part 12; not the Bill Murray film's eleventh sequel, but a swipe at Halloween, Friday 13th et al. Anyway this is older than the time loop comedy. So Monster Squad is directly responsible for that other great film (okay, it's not).

8) Dracula, Frankenstein's Monster, The Wolfman, The Mummy and The Creature From The Black Lagoon (okay that's cheating a bit)

9) Mr. Alucard (straight from the Nilbog school of clues that one).

10) Eugene's Dad deals with the "monsters".

11) "Rudy, a question. Do you know any virgins?"

12) Dracula drives, and a hearse with a silver skull hood ornament no less.

13) The effects are actually way better than you remember/think.

14) "Creature stole my Twinkie".

15) "Maybe we should be 'Nature Squad' and look at rocks and birds and not be dead".

16) "The Wolfman's got nards!"

17) The Mummy's death is genius.

18) "Like really religious Sean, why don't we just go and do it in Burger King?"

19) "My name is Horace!"

20) The closing "with it" Monster Squad theme tune:



See the Monster Squad! I bloody well mean it!

The Cabinet Of Dr. Caligari

Some site this as the first horror film ever made, it more than likely isn't, but it is still one of the finest. And although it's not the first horror, it very likely is the first film to feature the "twist ending".

So why should part of your Halloween marathon include a silent movie from 1919? I mean it can't be scary can it? To modern audiences, no, but if you allow yourself to be enveloped by its world it'll seriously get to you. The story is a pretty simple one. When a small German town holds its annual fair the main attraction is a weird man called Dr. Caligari who shows his ability to control a somnambulist. The sleep-walking freak predicts people will die that night and then they do. When one of those people is Francis' friend Alan Francis decides to take matters into his own hands.

Ho hum by today's standards. What makes Caligari so astonishing, even today, is its visual style. It is a film of artifice, with a style drawn from the German Expressionist movement of the time. Firstly it looks unrealistic, and this is deliberate. It looks like it is shot in a studio and that everything is painted. Rather than this being the result of it being low budget tat, it's like this by choice. The set design actively draws attention to how fake it looks. It wants you to enter the world of the film, one that looks similar to the real one but is just ever so slightly off. Beyond the fact it looks like a set, obviously influenced by theatrical productions of the time, is the fact that everything within it seems to be misshapen. Angles jut from all corners of the screen and everyday things are twisted and stretched into odd shapes and sizes, a perfect example being the town clerks ridiculously over-sized chair. he has to stoop to fit under the ceiling. What is great is that beyond this being merely cool looking the skewed sets actually tell the story of the film. The overall feeling is an ugly world, twisted and jagged. It looks as if it is created by a madman, or that the people who inhabit it have mutated it into something vile and dangerous. Within the big picture there are some fantastic little visual moments. The aforementioned chair tells us that the clerk is important but could also be read as a representation of the pomp and self aggrandising of people in these sorts of positions. The chair is ridiculous, but the clerk continues to sit in it as it raises him above everyone else. When the clerk is found murdered in his bedroom we are presented with the scene here to the right. He was stabbed, and the room's telling you that. The huge window appears as a knife's blade thrusting into the bed where the dead clerk lays, as if the world itself has murdered the man.

Now this is a spoiler so stop reading now and go watch it if you don't want it ruined for you but have been intrigued by what has been written.

The clerk has been murdered by the world. This is because the world is the creation of one character's insane mind, hence the way it looks. His murder has only happened because Francis has made it up. This is the twist I was talking about. A framing story was added by the director after the fact that reveals Francis to be in an insane asylum. He is telling his story to someone, but it becomes clear that all of the characters are based on fellow inmates and the story is in fact an old Italian tale he has read, but he has been unable to separate fact from fiction. And of course we're put in the same position. Is this a true story or a load of rubbish, the ramblings of a madman?

This is not to say that the story isn't intriguing. It's actually a very clever little story. And the acting is great too, in that over the top silent style. Here it really works though, especially for Caligari, who is all bluster and huge gestures, and Cesare, the somnambulist, who walks about with fluidity, almost in slow motion. He is genuinely creepy wandering about as if a dream creature, at one with his surroundings, no matter how bizarre.

The Cabinet Of Dr. Caligari is a work of art. Not just as a visual feast. It is an important piece of filmmaking that has gone a long way to dictating many of the tenets of the horror. It is also massively important in the shaping of filmic storytelling, not just in the twist, but in the continuity style as well. It still influences filmmakers to this day, the most obvious being Tim Burton. Then there are the social readings which I won't go into here, but Caligari is seen as a key text in understanding post World War I Germany, and the feelings present that allowed the Nazis to gain power. In fact it is actually blamed in one of the most famous film critiques ever written; From Caligari to Hitler by Siegfried Kracauer. Whether you agree with the idea that a film can hold that level of power or not, it is an interesting read nonetheless. As much as it is a fine example of film as art and a damn important film, it's also great. It's a film that will get into your head and stay there, gnawing away at you. Think of it as the film version of Edvard Munch's The Scream. Another words, it's a perfect little horror film for your Halloween marathon.

Splice's Greatest Films Ever Made To Come Out In The 90's (the 1990's)

Tremors (1990)

For some reason I keep thinking that Tremors is an eighties film. Of course it actually came out in 1990 and thus is eligible for Splice's Greatest... and so I'll pop it in. My write up is here so i won't bother doing that again. All I really need to do is place it in the list so:

1. Braindead
2. Hudsucker Proxy
3. Grosse Pointe Blank
4. Tremors
5. Cube
6. Galaxy Quest
7. White Men Can't Jump

Splice's Greatest Films Ever Made To Come Out In The 90's (the 1990's)

A Preamble

Aye, aye, it's been two months! Well now that Halloween's upon us I'm going to cover one of my favourite films of the 90's and one that would have definitely gotten done anyway:

Braindead (1992)

Synopsis

Peter Jackson trumps Pegg and Wright by doing a Rom-com with zombies over a decade before Shaun Of The Dead. Lovable loser Lionel falls for shopgirl Paquita but his overbearing socialite mother is having none of it. Then she gets bitten by a Sumatran Rat Monkey and all hell breaks loose. It's officially the goriest film ever by volume of fake blood used.

Review

Those who thought Peter Jackson was a bad choice for the Lord Of The Rings Trilogy may have watched Braindead before making that decision. In fact they could have seen any of his early movies, but the first three, this and the two previous Bad Taste and Meet The Feebles, will have brought them to the same conclusion. I'd have loved to have been in the room with the Tolkien fanatic who decided to check these out to see who this upstart New Zealand director was and if he was fit for the task of interpreting this blokes equivalent of a sacred text.

Braindead, for lack of a better word, is mental. Jackson had already shown his intense sense of humour and love of gross-out gore in Bad Taste and Meet The Feebles, but the third by him trumps them with such incredible gusto that it's difficult to actually stomach at times. A friend of mines had to turn it off after about half an hour. The thing is that's the movie at its tamest. sure there's the custard scene, the bit with the dog, a neat solution to the problem of getting bitten and a zoo keeper with a bad sense of tact. What probably finished him was the bit with the nurse's face. But that's nothing on one of the most notorious scenes from any splatter movie, one that was heavily edited in America when Braindead was originally released, as Dead/Alive thanks to another movie with the name. It is of course the lawnmower scene:



That's one hell of a set of blades on that thing! My lawnmower packs it in if you hit a patch of moss. Of course it's not just the level of gore in this scene, and the rest of the movie, that makes it. It's the ideas. Jackson has played with the convention of the zombie movie hero with his chainsaw in a way that fits into the film perfectly. It's quirky in that way non-American takes on these types of films tend to be. Why else would the central plot really be a pretty typical romantic comedy? And the supporting cast of characters are great, the main attraction being the Nazi war criminal vet, but the Kung Fu vicar comes close. Then there's Uncle Les a sick fuck you're glad gets killed, but at the same time appears to be the only one able to actually take on the plague. Of course it's his party that creates it. Another great twist in Braindead is that instead of the plague of zombies laying siege to the family home they are already in it thanks to Les' shindig.

The fact that the threat for Lionel is in the family home is central to Braindead's theme. It's really a film about family, or rather about the point when it's time to fly the nest. Lionel's mother is horribly overbearing but in Paquita he is presented with his escape. Of course Mum has to go and become a zombie and infect a few others forcing Lionel to make what appears to be the pretty bad decision to set up another, this time very dysfunctional, family in the basement. It's like he's actually not ready to give up his family, even when Mum dies and so creates a new family unit when surely it would have been easier just to kill the zombies. Of course he may also be creating the family he didn't have thanks to his Father's. Then there's his "grandchild", the zombie baby, the answer to the question "but what if zombies give into our other base instinct, to mate?". The scene where Lionel takes it for a walk is straight out of slapstick, except you won't see many old films where the hero punches the kid in the face. Again, why does he take it out? Eventually Lionel naturally is forced into the decision to give up on the family home but in a truly demented ending has to literally escape the womb.

Braindead isn't a scary film. It's really a comedy, but like Tremors it has some brilliantly constructed set pieces. As for the gore it is insane but actually gets to be so much that it just becomes hilarious. By the lawnmower scene you are almost numb to it after witnessing the myriad deaths, I won't ruin them for you, but how they managed to pull this off on the pretty small budget is a miracle. Then there are the different zombies, from the one who ends up with a gnome for a head to the one who ends up as three, his top half, his legs and his innards that dropped out the former which form into a creature by using his sphincter for a face. As I said, you wish you could have seen what the Tolkien enthusiast's face looked like taking this in, but as I pointed out it really is an incredible achievement given the budget and so actually does hold great significance into how Jackson pulled off his famed trilogy. They'll be the films that he is remembered for, but Braindead may well be his actual masterpiece.



Top 100 Where And Why?

Braindead goes in at number 1 at this point.

1. Braindead
2. Hudsucker Proxy
3. Grosse Pointe Blank
4. Cube
5. Galaxy Quest
6. White Men Can't Jump

Over to John and his list!