Splice Advent Calender 2009: Day 10

Right, let's bang these inappropriate Xmas films up a notch with a kids film so abysmal that if you show it to your own tykes they'll stab you in the face, one of the worst films ever made, Santa And The Ice Cream Bunny:


(That's the whole damn movie in ten parts if you're brave enough to attempt to watch it!)

Now many films claim to be the worst ever made. Alright, they don't claim it, but those who have had the misfortune of having seen them do. Santa And The Ice Cream Bunny is a fair shout for the title though. It's easily up there (or is that down?) with films like Manos: The Hands Of Fate, The Creeping Terror, Monster-A-Go-Go, the Coleman Francis Trilogy, Maniac or Batman And Robin. It makes the most famous claimants to the title, Plan 9 From Outer Space and The Room, look like coherent, well made works.

It really is a fucking mess. Two movies spliced together to make one it sees Santa get stuck in Florida and so after twenty minutes of pissing about with animals and kids, yeah, really, he decides to give up with the escape and tell the kids trying to help him the story of Thumbelina. Said story is another poorly made film from a few years previously that's also a musical. Of course that raises the question; is Santa singing to the kids as he recants the tale? Anyway this Thumbelina's not so tiny in a certain chest department and that's really all there is to say.

Just as your head's ready to implode Santa finishes his tale and the titular Ice Cream Bunny, a mangy suit with a twat inside, turns up and doesn't give out ice cream, he just freaks everyone out. Oh and there's loads of footage of Pirate World, the theme park it was shot in just to pad the thing out to over ninety minutes. That's right it only actually lasts an hour and a half, no matter how long it seemed to last.

Santa And The Ice Cream Bunny really has to be seen to be believed but should never be viewed by anyone. Just continue not to believe me. It will most certainly scare your family so they leave you alone this Christmas but you might not be able to live with yourself for having exposed them to this. It's your call.