Monday 30 June 2008

A Tough Job

Acting really is the hardest job in the world. I mean cleaning toilets on minimum wage is a breeze compared to getting payed millions to learn how to be a hashheid!

Wednesday 25 June 2008

The Hassel Castle

Hasselhoff wants to buy a castle in Scotland.



As if single-handedly bringing down the Berlin Wall wasn't enough now he wants to start a new Scottish aristocracy.

Splice's Greatest Films Ever Made To Come Out In The 90's (the 1990's)

The Hudsucker Proxy (1994)

Synopsis

When Waring Hudsucker decides to leave his 44th floor office, 45 counting the mezzanine, via the window the other board members of Hudsucker Industries are left in a pickle. Upon Waring's death the company's shares are to be offered up to the public come January 1st. The problem is is that with the company never doing better the others can't afford to buy a controlling share. But Waring's right-hand man, Sydney J. Mussburger, has a plan. If they install an imbecile as a proxy chairman the company shall run itself into the ground, and the shares shall become affordable. Enter Norville Barnes, just off the bus from Muncey, Indiana. The quick promotion leads reporter Amy Archer to start sniffing about, looking for the real reason as to why Barnes was made chairman. But unforeseen to all, Barnes may have an invention that may well save the company.

Review

The Hudsucker Proxy, it's fair to say, is one of the Coen Brothers least loved films. Out of their 90's output, Miller's Crossing, Barton Fink, Fargo and The Big Lebowski, it's probably the last one you'd see crop up on best 90's films polls. Let's be honest, in that company it's easy to see why it could be overlooked. It's seen as a disaster, mainly because it represented the first time that a studio was willing to give the Coens real money to make a movie only for them to return a flop. But if this is the Coen's big money adventure then the name sums it up. They were always looking to make the film they wanted to make and to hell with profit.

So why is it unloved? Maybe it's the frenetic pace, the zany comedy, the rat-a-tat dialogue, or the fact that audiences are presented with a modern day fairy tale, and the leaps of faith that come with such a story. Or maybe people expected to get more of the same after the moodier affairs that were Miller's Crossing and Barton Fink. It's almost as if people had forgotten that they had also made the zany comedy Raising Arizona, or the only film where it's acceptable to like Nic Cage doing his "crazy" bit, so the idea of something like this coming from the Coens was a shock. Whatever the reason(s) it means that The Hudsucker Proxy is perhaps the most underrated of all the Coen's output. It doesn't deserve to be placed next to Intolerable Cruelty and the ill-advised Ladykillers remake as one of their worst. Hell it may even be the most underrated film of the entire 90's.

So what's so good about it then? On the surface we're in usual Coen territory. First and foremost this is a film about film. The Coens obviously love the Screwball Comedies of the 40's, with The Hudsucker proxy acting like a canvass for them to play with each feature of them. Then of course they twist it all into some make-believe fantasy a la It's A Wonderful Life. In essence it most closely resembles the Coen's "lost" film, known as various things but to me as Crimewave, Sam Raimi's second film that the Coen's co-wrote. It's no surprise that Raimi also shares a writing credit on this as well. When Hudsucker came out it was unlike most of the Coen's output to the point, and in fact that still remains true, so in a way it can be baffling for people used to the likes of Fargo or Miller's Crossing.

And there's a lot here that can only be described as baffling. This is a film that revels in its own artifice. It essentially screams at you "I am a film!" thanks to the set designs. Much like Expressionist cinema it looks like it's set in a film studio. The locations always seem to be slightly off somehow, often thanks to their size. This suits the rags-to-riches, oh look time stopped narrative, as it too is very unrealistic, the type of thing found in a film. And Hudsucker is very aware of this fact. Witness the scene where Amy attempts to con her way into Norville's life. She plays every tried and tested trick until she succeeds. But while she does this two taxi drivers sit and watch and we take on their point of view. Instead of hearing what Amy and Norville say we hear the taxi drivers pointing out that everything she is doing is a cliche, an old trick they've seen many-a-time before, probably in the movies. And of course pointing this out does not harm the film, as it is full of the cliches of the cinema it is looking to recreate, and the Coens are distinctly giddy about that fact. They clearly love these films, and this is their own warped entry into the canon.

Of course it's not all zany and whimsical. At the heart of Hudsucker Proxy lies a critique of big business and the press. Hudsucker Industries is a faceless organisation, in fact I'm not entirely sure what they actually do or make before Norville takes over, where the people at the top care only about the money they stand to make from their shares and everyone below are damned to increasing levels of monotony. All of the classic big business bugbears are tackled, from the endless beurocracy (Norville's induction to the mailroom, man that guy has a set of lungs on him), to the heartless treatment of the workers ( being docked for the minutes silence they hold for Waring Hudsucker) and the nature of making money (the rows and rows of bean counters doing their work under huge "WHAT WILL THIS COST?" signs). The press don't get off much lighter, criticised for the way that they dictate reality. Opinions of characters are formed by people in the film based entirely on how they are depicted in the papers. And the reporters and editors only want to further their careers, not tell people the truth. To further hammer home the idea that what you read may not be true, much of The Hudsucker Proxy's artificial story is shown through how the papers are reporting the events, as witnessed in many of the montages in the film.

So as I said, it's a baffling film. Baffling to those who know the Coens through their serious works, baffling in the way it looks, is played and it's narrative, with its juxtaposition of serious comments on the nature of big business and the press with screwball comedy and flight of fancy fantasy. Frankly it's an astonishing work and one that is unfairly looked over in the Coen Brothers' wonderful oeuvre. And if all that didn't sell you, how about this? It's got Bruce Campbell in it and Steve Buscemi's character doesn't die! Knew I'd convince you.




The Top 100

Yeah, yeah, I know. I announced this as my first entry on April 28th and here I am finally publishing a review. "Lucky to make a top 5" you're probably saying. Well life got in the way, as I explained in a non-descript way here.

So anyway, I'd place Hudsucker Proxy above Grosse Point Blanke, but I know Ruud probably wouldn't. So it's over to him with his thoughts. And I promise to be quicker next time!

Thursday 19 June 2008

Riff Overload!


Cinematic Titanic's second effort Doomsday Machine is now available (Promo 1 and 2). And the bestest news ever is that it's available Worldwide on DVD or as a download. You can get it here. Obviously this is great news after the difficulties for non-Yank fans in getting the first episode The Oozing Skull. I've ordered it and I'll review it when it arrives (something in me doesn't trust downloads, so much so I'm putting more faith in the Postal Service. Maybe I see them as another step toward T2: Judgment Day-style oblivion!).

BUT


That's not all on the riffing front, oh no sirree Bob. Rifftrax rumbles on like some form of wise cracking colossus with numerous reasons to get a little squishy.

First up is the little matter of Rifftrax tackling M. Night Shymmmannniiannlannn's plodding, ooh the big twist that if you didn't see coming you had ruined for you by some loud mouthed bint at school/work/on the bus featuring, ghost story The Sixth Sense. Mix the fact that there's a creepy kid, an air of pretentiousness and plenty of space for riffs and this could be a good 'un.

It's out on June 25th and as part of the build up Rifftrax released this little mock-up on that there Web thingy all the kids are talking about:



Is it just me or does that Chihuahua film look the nuts?

But that's not all. There's also a short information film called Drugs Are Like That which marks the welcome return of Rifftrax Shorts. The best thing, the download costs 50p and you get the film with the commentary.

BUT (again)

There's even more as the ongoing Rifftrax Presents, think of it as Rifftrax without Mike Nelson with a cast of MST3K and non-MST3K related people ripping into movies. They've tackled some dodgy fan versions of Star Trek, well worth checking out, and some horrors such as Alien: Director's Cut (no PAL at time of writing) and Saw. Plus new riffer Matthew J. Elliott (some funny English bloke) has tackled the crap remakes of Dark Water and House Of Wax.

But the most exciting involves the poaching of CT rival Mary Jo Pehl to help Bill Corbett riff on The X-Files Movie.



Plus parts of the script were written by freelancers including Joshway of numerous projects, including some damn fine fan riffs of his own.

As I said a Riff Overload (would have worked better if that was said out loud in a booming voice). I'm so excited that a wee bit of jobbie hit my pants while typing this. You can't pass on that level of excitement!

Gummi Bears: The Movie

Well since everything else from the 80's, and my childhood, has been plundered by every art form (lazy fuckers these artists, eh?) I thought I may as well put forward this gem as a possible blockbuster movie/toy release, Gummi Bears! Remember the show? Here's a little memory jog for ya:



Imagine, Michael Bay directing a bunch of CGI bears. Obviously the setting would have to be updated to now. We could have the Gummis fighting international terrorism using their bouncing abilities. Hell we could even go the gritty route and incorporate a drugs metaphor. That human bloke could become addicted to that magic juice and it causes almighty mood swings and his arms to balloon.

I smell hit!

AFI's Bestest Films Ever By Genre

The American Film Institute's been listing films again. This time they've done it as the top films by genre, instead of just saying Citizen Kane's the man and being done with it. They've set up a site showing the films they've picked and there's some good, if obvious ones. Obviously since it's the American Film Institute they ignore smelly foreign films, with their weird languages, existentialism and deeply dull plots, but they also have missed a number of genres that should have been considered instead of Courtroom Dramas. Surely they should just come under "drama", courtroom or not.

Anyway here are some genres they should have included:

Best films with messy head explosions

Best films that were live action versions of cartoons that themselves were extended adverts for a range of toys

Best Patriotic Bullshit

Best Coen Brothers
(they're a genre unto themselves)

Best Films With Really Long Names

Best Twee "Indie" Crossover Hits That Cause Almighty Backlashes

Best Films Starring Kevin Bacon

Best Foreign Films
(because they're all funded by American studios anyway)

Best Films With Great DVD Commentaries So You Get Double The Entertainment For Your Money

Best Unlikely Oscar Winners

Best Roger Corman Films
(there surely has to be ten good ones...)

Best Films Made Entirely By Texan Manure Salesmen With No Talent

I could do more but I have to go eat a biscuit. And before you whine "but they aren't genres", genre is very complex film theory. So if I decide that these are, then prove me wrong!

Wednesday 18 June 2008

Big Red: An Apology

I'm a lazy arsehole.

And as such Splice has been neglected like a puppy on Boxing Day. As they say, life got in the way, but life can sod off.

So in the tradition of Alan Rickman in Galaxy Quest I'll make a grand speech about vowing to serve you right. Actually fuck it. I'll just say that the finger's out and the write-up of Hudsucker Proxy is nearly done.

As I said I'm a lazy arsehole.

Monday 9 June 2008

Monday 2 June 2008

Universal Studios

The thing I'd like to do most in my life is visit Universal Studios and take the tour. While on it I'd love to see the set of Back To The Future, one of my favourite films, and see the big King Kong robot that smells of bananas and appears to try and kill you. Just the sense of history standing there knowing that all of those great movies and TV shows were made there by some of the biggest names in the business. I think life wouldn't be worth living if I didn't get to experience this!

Bad Lieutenant Remake

As if the remake of The Wicker Man hadn't done enough damage to mankind Nic Cage is at it again as he's set to star in a remake of Abel Ferrara's Bad Lieutenant with sometimes amazing, mostly shit director Werner Herzog. Empire Magazine asked if this will be the craziest film ever made thanks to that pairing. Crazy? Probably not? Utter pish? More than likely.

Now regular Splice readers may notice I have a wee problem with Nic Cage. The reason is because he's bad. Bloody bad. Mind crushingly bad. Bad. It's easy to levy at him the argument that it's only thanks to family that he's had so much success. I feel this is an unfair assumption. It's pretty clear his talent got him the National Treasure films. Some people say "but he's really good" thanks to having watched one of those rare gems he appears in. Watch Next. If you manage to get through it without vomiting up a kidney then you're a) a freak, or b) a Nic Cage fan (so a) then).

The biggest worry with this project is that after having to endure Harvey Kietel's penal length in the original will that mean "little Nicky" shall be making an appearance? At least if it does we can find out if his Jap's Eye does that "crazy" thing his other two does when he acts.

Worth it? I'll get back to you on that after I clean up the lung I've just hurled up.