Showing posts with label Halloween. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Halloween. Show all posts

Saturday, 31 October 2009

Beetlejuice (13 Days Of Hallowe'en)

Right, here's why Beetlejuice freaks me, I mean, used to freak me out:

1) GIANT WORMS!

When I went to the beach as a kid I always started freaking out because of something that featured in the Monster In My Pocket toys. It was a creature that lived under sand and used to poke through and snatch children pulling them under to eat them. As such these things terrified me.

2) SHE RIPS HER FACE OFF!

I mean, seriously, right off!

3) THE GUY WAE THE WEE HEID!

Reminds me of a guy who cuts about my hometown. In fact he looks identical and the real life guy's mental.

4) SNAKE BEETLEJUICE!

Let's be honest it is quite a freaky wee scene.

5) EYEBALLS!



I'm not the only person freaked out by the eyeball. Hoffman, Freud and The Residents all understand our fears relating to them and many a horror director manipulates it with "eye deaths". Just don't go looking through any keyholes.

6) FUNFAIRS FREAK ME OUT!

Even if it's only a guy dressed as one.

7) AS DOES MODERN ART!

This movies full of it. And then it all comes to life...

8) FALSE TEETH!

My grandpa used to take his teeth out and chase me with them. It wasn't so much the fake teeth clapping in his hand rather the gums they left behind that freaked me out.

9) THE METAL PLATE ON HER MOUTH!

As someone who struggles with sinus trouble the idea of a metal plate boltedto my mouth is just plain scary. If it happened to me whilst my nose was bunged up I'd suffocate and die!

Great, now I'm a gibbering wreck! If any kids come to the door I'll be too afraid to open it in case they're dressed as modern art, giant worms or my grandpa!

Day 13: Beetlejuice


Well here we are, Hallowe'en. All Hallow's Eve.

So why is Beetlejuice my Hallowe'en night film? Because let's be honest Hallowe'en's for kids and Beetlejuice scared the shit out of me when I was a kid. And I'm one of those tits who tries to re-live his childhood every chance I get.

So just for you I'm going to re-live the childhood trauma and then list why it used to scare me. It doesn't now because I'm a manly man 'n' stuff (honest)...

The Dark (13 Days Of Hallowe'en)



Here are the Tweets posted during The Dark:

Watching the first bit of Amityville Horror remake before The Dark comes on. Looks a bit Hollywoody.
Bugger this Amityville guff I'm goin for a jobbie, and noe because I'm shitein maself!
A bit too much sunlight in the opening scenes of The Dark for my liking
Also appears it was actually shot on Isle Of man instead of Wales so killer sheep are prob out!
SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP! (sadly not killer ones though)
So Maria Bello's worked with both Arargon and Boromir
Not killer sheep, suicidal sheep!
Not at all bringing attention to the red coat there! DING DING DING, she gonna die!
Shouting at Sarah like she's a dog probably ain't gonna bring her running!
An abattoir, suicide and a freaky religion. Happy Halloween everybody
So far decently creepy. Atmospheric and it's got a touch of The Ring to it
Is it ever a good idea to plunge your hand into a hole in the wall that's talking?
You should never be the character that knows what's going on in a horror it doesn't end well for you!
weird colour grading? That'll be the other side
It's gotten a bit stupid now sadly.
First half was good and creepy then it just got a bit too stupid for its own good. Shame really.

Friday, 30 October 2009

Day 12: The Dark

It's the night before Hallowe'en, All Hallow's Eve Eve as no one would ever to refer to it. As such it's telly time. Traditionally the week of Hallowe'en has been scary movie central. Sadly that seems to be a thing of the past, maybe because of satellite and cable TV and their ability to show tons of the things on dedicated channels. As such looking through the terrestrial schedules for a scary movie proved to be a bit difficult.

Hallowe'en night itself proves to be a bit of a damp squib. Channel 4 is showing the rather brilliant The Host, but that's after midnight so it's technically a November 1st movie. BBC2 is showing the original Halloween and Halloween 2. The latter's guff whilst the former is just way too familiar, although as argued on Wednesday you could do far worse than download the Halloween Rifftrax and give the old film a new slant. Your best bet is on E4 which is showing Charlie Brooker's surprisingly brutal Big Brother zombie thing Dead Set. Of course it's a repeat from last year but it is pretty darn great.

The scariest thing on telly tomorrow night can be found on Five USA. No not a showing of Prom Night but rather the earlier screening of Superman IV: The Quest For Peace. It's the most terrifying thing on telly by a long, long way.

So what to do. I say get a DVD in. Quite a few of the films covered for the 13 Days Of Hallowe'en are perfect as is the previously reviewed on Splice Drag Me To Hell which came out on DVD this week. Great fun and nicely old fashioned in its scares it's well worth your time.

If your going out, on the piss as opposed to trick-or-treating I'd imagine, then there's a couple of scary movies on tonight that take you past midnight and into Hallowe'en. ITV 1 has plumped for a remake of The Amityville Horror starting soon. More interesting is BBC 1's choice of The Dark, the one I'll be watching. I've went for this as it sounds decent, has a good cast and it's set in Wales. As such that should mean at least one scene of horrifying sheep*.

It starts at 11:40pm and I'll probably tweet on the Splice Twitter page during it, although it won't be of the level of the Dracula Vs. Frankenstein live Twitter session of last Friday. Mainly because I can't be bothered having to pause the film halfway through for two hours after posting too many tweets in a short time span.

If you're watching either film get in touch!

* If you want guaranteed sheep horror check out New Zealand's Black Sheep, another great film for a party tomorrow night.

Thursday, 29 October 2009

Death Note (13 Days Of Hallowe'en)

Day 11: Death Note

Next up is Japanese horror/thriller Death Note. Death Note is the live action film based on the manga, anime, video game and breakfast cereal of the same name.

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Halloween Rifftrax (13 Days Of Hallowe'en)

Here's the review I wrote on the MST3K Discussion Board at the time I first watched the Halloween Rifftrax:

Halloween proves the rule that there should be no sacred cows when it comes to making fun of movies. A much loved, me included, seminal horror flick provides many a great laugh, if your sense of humour is as skewed as Mike and Kevin's, allowing you to look at the movie's flaws instead of why it's great. In a way then it's similar to Mike's Night of the Living Dead commentary, but this is way better, with Kevin in particular in great form. Personal favourite riffs include Darth Vader stumbling onto the wrong set and the whole run of Carpenter coming home from work over the opening tracking shot. Halloween is a fun Rifftrax that should become a holiday tradition like the MST3K Xmas episodes.


Here's the scene that I was talking about with Mike and Kevin pretending that the opening tracking shot is just John Carpenter coming home from his work:


Day 10: Rifftrax Does Halloween

Well it's the most obvious film to watch at this time of year so here it is. Sadly it's probably not that shocking anymore, either because you've seen it a million times or because you're really young and it's all a bit tame. Well you can piss off and watch your rubbish Rob Zombie versions.

Anyway this is an attempt to shake things up a bit with the Rifftrax treatment of the classic film. If the terror has been too much to take so far Mike Nelson and Kevin Murphy should make you laugh whilst cowering behind the sofa...

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

Wasting Away (13 Days Of Hallowe'en)

Much has been made about the fact that we're currently in a vampire film renaissance. Post Twilight there seems to be bloody hunners of them. Mainstream Saturday night crowd stuff, teen boy and girl releases, and in Thirst an arty Asian import vamp flick. Even the latest "must see" HBO show is a suck and fuck fest. But whilst Drac's cousins are tearing up the multiplexes the humourous zombie is still shuffling about Blockbuster's straight to DVD horror section, just next to the Wrestling bit and the badger documentaries. In the horror genre though it's the zombie that wins out in terms of quantity of films. Seriously there's bloody tons of them.

As such there isn't much new to say when making a zombie film. It seems pretty much every connotation has now been done. Even Romero, king of the modern zombie, seems to have nothing new to add to the rotting corpse of the sub-genre. But wait, what's that lumbering slowly over the hill (I'll stop with the zombie metaphors now), why it's first time writer/director/brother team Matthew and Sean Kohnen and their little low budget zombie flick. And you know what? It's actually pretty original!

Wasting Away is told from the angle of the zombies you see. Four friends end up zombified after eating some toxic ice cream, the only thing is they don't realise it, seeing themselves and other infected as normal. As one character states at one point in response to another's claim that they don't feel like a zombie; "well idiots don't feel stupid but they are". As a result of their now lower brain functions they see those not infected moving at hyper speed, leading them to believe that everyone else has become infected instead. The only ones who appear to them normal and they can communicate with are drunk people, lower brain functions again, and vice versa. To show the split between reality and the zombies' perceived reality the filmmakers have chosen to flick between Night Of The Living Dead black and white for the real world and colour for the zombies' fantasy world, a simple yet effective trick:



The film is jam packed with references to films like Evil Dead 2, Re-animator and the Romero films. But it also plays with the cliches of the genre, the only zombie who eats brains is shown to be a curious eater before zombification and as such can't resist shoving the meat on a taco just to see how it tastes. Thanks to the setup there is much humour derived from the simple fact that they don't know they are zombies. As such we see a zombie waiter, a zombie attempt to stealthily intercept an army base and another attempt to ask a father permission to date his daughter not realising that his heartfelt plea merely sounds like moaning to the human ear.

For all the great ideas Wasting Away sometimes struggles to overcome its lack of budget. It also could have done with some tighter editing and script supervision. Some scenes go on too long and the whole zombie job interview is a superfluous distraction that never lives up to the potential of the idea. As such cutting it or possibly finding a way to do it through dialogue after the fact would have been preferable.

Ultimately though Wasting Away is a lot of fun. There's a great central idea supplemented by lots of brilliant twists on the traditional zombie cliches and an absolute load of references for those inclined to play at spotting them. Some budgetary concerns and a slightly saggy middle let it down a tad, but for a first effort this is an treat that points to the Kohnens being ones to watch. They've proved there may be life in the old zombie yet.

Day 9: Wasting Away


Right, next up is a zombie flick called Wasting Away. In all honesty I have no idea what this is. While I was sifting through the horror DVDs in HMV Ispotted the cover for this with happy looking zombies. It kind of reminded me of that rather entertaining original take on zombies Fido.

So reading the back of the DVD this sounds like it could be quite fun. Basically four friends become zombified but the story is told from their point of view so they don't realise it.

Looks like it won some awards at horror film fests as well so hopefully this turns out to be a wee gem.

On with the watching...

Monday, 26 October 2009

Monsters Vs. Aliens (13 Days Of Hallowe'en)

Day 8: Monsters Vs. Aliens


For tonight it's a bit of a lighter film after yesterday's intense one. Monsters Vs. Aliens has been recommended to me thanks to constant references to cheesy old sci fi/horror flicks. It's also the family Hallowe'en night film of the list. It's out today on DVD so I've just bought it and I'm away to watch it now. Review up as soon as possible afterward...

Sunday, 25 October 2009

The Mist (13 Days Of Hallowe'en)

Humans. We're meant to be the good guys, right? When other worldly beasties attack it's humanity's plight and fight for survival that is ultimately the heroic tale. Or are we really the monsters, paying for a multitude of sins as nature strikes back, unable to put our prejudices and superstitions to one side to fight against our attackers. So many siege movies have dealt with this idea and Frank Darabont's The Mist balances itself on the fence between the two sides of the argument.

As set ups go The Mist's is pretty much textbook stuff. Frightful storm, mysterious mist, group of survivors trapped in a supermarket as monsters lay siege to the place. The setting is key though as it allows for a rich cross section of society to be among the group of survivors. There's the everyman and his kid, the successful lawyer, the religious nut, black, white, male, female, young, old, stupid and clever. Oh and there's the too intelligent for their own good.




It's an inevitability that the survivors divide really isn't it? It's what humans do. The situation in the supermarket is a microcosm of the world, and in particular America, today. As such we have the skeptical and the foolhardy/dumb who either don't believe or think it's a good idea to venture outside. The decision to head to the pharmacy next door to get drugs for a man as good as dead is the ultimate in stupidity and stubbornness. Thankfully it also provides an incredible set-piece that'll have anyone scared of arachnids running from the room.

These actions could be attributed to fear. With things becoming oppressively terrifying we tend to act desperately. And when people are at their most desperate they turn to anyone who claims to have answers. In the case of The Mist this comes in the form of Mrs. Carmody, the aforementioned religious nut. Spouting what appear to be prescient passages from the Book of Revelations she quickly garners supporters. Before long this cult are just as much a threat as the things outside. In following the word of the Bible (or at least Mrs. Carmody's interpretation of it) they become arguably more monstrous than the creatures outside.

It's not the most subtle of social comment, and indeed the writing is a tad heavy handed at times. But it is effective. And that's because The Mist just works. It's gripping and at times utterly horrifying and as such you forgive Darabont's clunkier moments. The CGI isn't great either. The burden of a low budget. Thankfully there are only a few scenes where the monsters aren't submerged in mist. The suspicion is that if Darabont had been allowed to make the thing in black and white as he wished they wouldn't look quite as bad. It's a shame really as after so much effort has went into crafting a realistic horror they tend to jar and take you out of it slightly.

Thankfully the performances suck you back in, after all it's the humans not the nasties that really matter. Credit in particular goes to Marcia Gay Harden's (is she bad in anything?) manic fervour as Mrs. Carmody, Toby Young and youngster Nathan Gamble, a horror kid that doesn't grate. Sadly Thomas Jayne isn't quite in their league. He's not awful but he's nothing more than a likable, average actor, meaning that he copes for the most part, but emotional scenes are a bit too much for him.

With The Mist Frank Darabont has crafted an intelligent and gripping state of the nation address horror, in the mould of Night Of The Living Dead, bleak ending and all. Darabont's first full length Stephen King horror adaptation suggests that the genre has missed him until now. He proves a dab hand, able to command scares and bend the genre rules. In these days of redundant, bludgeoning horror films The Mist is a vital piece of filmmaking. Make sure you're a good guy and go see it.

Day 7: The Mist


Let's continue on the classy front with the second killer bug movie on the list, Frank Darabont's third feature length, and first horror, Stephen King adaptation, The Mist.

I've heard many a good thing about this one, usually along the lines of "it's a travesty nobody went to see this yet Saw is on its fifth sequel".

If that isn't a recommendation I don't know what is...

Saturday, 24 October 2009

Devil's Backbone (13 Days Of Hallowe'en)

The idea for this review was to video myself watching the film as I'd heard it was right scary. Sadly a) it wasn't a jumpy sort of scary, more haunting thus the video footage wasn't all that funny, and b) because of prior commitments I had to watch it during the afternoon, not the best time:

Day 6: Devil's Backbone


Right, on to a classier affair. I know, you're thinking what could be classier than Dracula Vs. Frankenstein? Paris Hilton's sex tape maybe? That's just too ghastly even for Splice. Instead let's go with Euro ghost story Devil's Backbone.

Going to do something a wee bit different yet again for this one, keep your eyes peeled...

Dracula Vs. Frankenstein (13 Days Of Hallowe'en)

Here's some of the Tweets in response to what surely is an over looked classic of the genre of men in bad make up pushing each other about films:



Hellboy!, and Salmond Rushdie!
Oh it's #DracVsFrank my bad
Looking forward to vampire vs. mad scientist action!
Or am I giving the makers too much credit in assuming they didn't just call the monster Frankenstein?
Looks like the inside of a Korg synth
I must say it's all very dramatic. Hope it can maintain the credit sequences level of excitement!
Very sunny looking moon
I vant to suck... oh never mind
Torgo's hat makes a cameo
Pete Townsend as Dracula!
Awfy bad midges this time of year!
Hello Cleveland! Rock And Roll!
Wait is this set in Siam?
She certainly don't travel light in the chest area, WOOT WOOT!
Lip synch a tad off there. Sound editor was obviously distracted!
TITILLATION! Low brow style!
By the way I apologise for the phalanx of Tweets during this! Phalanx is the correct term for a load of Twitter posts.
Music wasn't quite right for a scene about a missing person was it?
She finds corridors complicated
Also making sandwiches
And revolving doors
Tourists come to see the pushers and white slavery operators. They'd be disappointed otherwise!



Such a pretty face
David Lynch's worst role
It's a dark world in low budget films anyway. Lighting costs money!
Bloody hell there's a midget. Does every bad 70's film need a midget?
I'm guessing him enforcing the "you must be this high" is just cruelty on the managements part
Isn't that the name of the new Terry Gilliam film
Sage advice, you must open your eyes to see things.
Troll 2 level of monster make up
He looked better with the mask on
And we should all have green teeth
I'm just going to eat some beef Monster Munch, get in the mood
I'd gather he don't know a lot of things!
The Fuhrer!!!!!!!!
So he runs a ghost train to fund his research then?
Sorry just engrossed in his performance
Yeah cos scars are known for their disappearing qualities
Lucky cos she ain't awake yet
See I always had my suspicions about nightshift workers
He breathes heavier than James Gandolfini running a marathon
The wonder of cinematic effects ladies and gentlemen
He now looks a tiny bit different!
And try not to breathe



I really hope that mustachioed man and the wheelchair dude go at it!
Fight I mean, Christ you dirty bastards!
Dracula grew that mustache so he tickles his victim's necks when he bites them, softens the blow
There was a reflection
You have such an attractive neck
Oh here's the backstory, I always love vampires who deliver exposition instead of killing
Have you thought of switching your energy provider to Powergen?
He's starting to smell a bit
And so it all makes sense...no wait, it doesn't
He's so powerful he even has a magic ring
Sex = death
As does measured voiceover
The dubbing here is of Manos levels!
"That makes me so mad. You can't tell by the way I'm speaking..."
Oh looks like some social comment
That shirt says that that society really is at rock bottom
Sally Twinkletits is back.
I may have seen her standing closer to me than that. It's hard to say



Brave choice not to show his face
They're magic beans
"Make sure I get a damn cow in return baldy!"
he got that scar whilst shaving
First midgets and now a trip out scene. Yup it's a 70's low budget horror
In fact I should compile a list of stuff to tick off
Midgets, trip out scenes, dodgy mustaches, the general air of sleaze...
Oh and eye candy as tasty as a regurgitated Fruit N Nut bar
he also cut himself shaving
Looks like they left him sitting too close to the electric fire
Face has went a bit pizza-like
Oh good more exposition
Bugger not a born again Christian. Those people just bore me!
My primary school in the 80's had better tech set up than this tube
We can't show you the comet obviously...
Is Dracula going to steal the "It's alive " line?
That would just be discriminating against the disabled that
New borns always look ugly covered in all that stuff
The monster's got the best hairdo of anyone in this so far!
And master of the Boogaloo
Did he just call him Dr. Dong?
Not to his face obviously
But he now has real grip action



Right let's get going with part 5 of the most titanic struggle since Jack Straw attempted to open a bottle of broon sauce
Tight white trousers and a necklace made of teeth. Ladies your dessert has arrived
Let me guess Joanie's the scar necked chick
He's strange, unlike me with my ensemble and you with that hair
I'm thinking his aftershave will blank any fresh air getting to her lungs
My dream in life, to take a deep breathe
Oh she'd fancy Nick Griffin then
Had to get my own social comment in, sorry
An elongated toe.she'd make a killing with the midget as an agent
Rule number 2: youhave to openyour eyes to be able to see
Maybe he got stuck down the toilet
He'll be rolling about somewhere
He's hell on wheels
But you'll need to squint to see her in it
Ah so he treats her like a dog
Crosby, Stills and Nash terrorise the seafront
Wait is it her or him they fancy?
Maybe it's just his stripey trousers



Right where were we plot wise? Eh... I'd be saying that even if there wasn't a two hour break!
Is her hair taking on a life of it's own? It'll take out Dracula and Frankenstein at this rate!
And toothy
Ah the ocean's a visual metaphor for wetness. Not her, he's a drip.
They're not going to meld her with a puppy are they? Shiteist werewolf ever!
Ah so all of this is so he can arrange an orgy
I'm starting to react pretty similarly to this film, and I too may need to inject something to get through it
Ah so this is the first attempt at a live action Scooby Doo film



Let's go, let's hope we get the #DracVsFrank fight soon as this undercard sucks!
Really shouldn't have listened to the cliched horror score station
Not the face, my beautiful face!
She also got tired trying to balance that tonne weight of hair on her head
Yup, right under the toilets
Well human collector still isn't as freaky as most Star Trek fans
Do you know what? I think this is a perfect example of Cinema Verite. That is if they were trying to depict purgatory
The low rent Elliott Gould, John Ritter and that bloke from the West Wing
Sounded like a Chaney in the wild, collecting humans
She dropped her cough sweets?
Side note, midgets don't make good security
He wants to see his penis?



On with part 8 of #DracVsFrank though so far it's been more Dracula Vs his setof clippers Dr Frankenstein vs stairs and Chaney vs my stomach
Tight white trousers, it's what all the spies were wearing in the 70's
I want to put your head on a woman's body
Remember the Lon Chaney action figure? it had real sweating action.
Yes you've got blonde hair all over you and she's got teeth marks on her tits
Oh the irony, he was one day from retiring to a hut in the woods where he was going to become a lumberjack
This guys diving about more than Aiden McGeady at a swimming pool
And Dracula's through all this is trying to shave his mustache only he's struggling with the mirror
Mighty convenient of the town planners to have pointed those spotlights at that roof like that.
Borat does hypnotism
So Dracula's well known for his curly hair isn't he?



And on with part 9 of #DracVsFrank and at least Zander Vorkov's back as he just lights up the screen with his magnetic charm
So she fears bungee jumping right, because of what it would do to her hair
Living vampires, so emo kids then
And it's the main event!
And it's over, kind of like that time Mike Tyson fought at Hampden Park
Imagine how the coroner's going to react when he tries to identify him by the teeth they find...
"Well it appears he was a half shark half douche hybrid"
Fuck me there's some intense hair styling going on in this scene
Ahh, Dracula looks terrifying! Mainly because he looks like a mime!
"Dibs"
Anyone else wishing for them just to have a Yo Mamma contest instead of this shoving match
OH MY GOD! Sorry just realised I broke 600 tweets ages back there.



#DracVsFrank, who will win? Does anyone care?
And we're off. I think the most important question, was it those white trousers being highly flammable that killed tooth guy?
Not since the Robot Vs. The Aztec Mummy has there been such a great screen smackdown
I still like this better than Transformers 2. Better characters and it's less confusing
That was just incase you were watching this genre film and didn't know what kills vampires.
He looks like Wayne Coyne from The Flaming Lips now
Well they say Dracula can transform into anything he wants
Chesty McGhee flashes back to stuff we've just seen
This movie was so good it shows you it twice!
That edited down version was well better!
"Or is it?"

Final thoughts:

Well that's that over with. Sorry about the break in the middle but I had fun ripping this piece of chuff and that's what counts
Sorry for the swathe of Tweets but the hairdos needed mocking. And what was shark teeth boy's deal? And why were a musical ...
... supergroup terrorising the town? And who thinks it's a good idea to have a midget watch your door for you? Well at least...
... it raised some issues unlike many of today's films. So with that I shall retire. Goodnight!

Back In Action

Right we can resume from Part 6 of Dracula Vs. Frankenstein. Hopefully I'll be allowed to finish the film this time. If not then I'll probably give up.

http://twitter.com/SpliceChuff


Start here with the movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGdruhWsmIs

Live Twitter Session Continues Soon

Turns out there's a limit to how many status updates you can do in a certain period so with the first five parts of Dracula Vs. Frankenstein watched I've been cut off. I may resume again in a few hours if possible. If not then call this a glorious failure, much like any Scottish fitba team campaign!

Friday, 23 October 2009

Live Twitter Session

Less than one hour to go until the live Twitter session whilst watching Dracula Vs. Frankenstein on YouTube.

Splice's Twitter Page

Part One Of Dracula Vs. Frankenstein

Join me, if you dare!