Film Of The Year

That is all!

Oh and my review's here.

The Splice Advent Calender 25/12/07

IT'SSSSSSSSSSSSSS CHRISTMASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Splice Advent Calender 24/12/07

Well it's Winterville Eve and it wouldn't be the festive period without a bit of Cliff:



Oh I sleigh me (geddit, SLEIGH, cos it's Christmas n stuff!)!

Of course I'm not going to include the only man in the music business to have had less sex than the Virgin Mary (although he's probably taken more drugs) because I'm not over the age of 80, so here's Wizzard (and a bit of Jimmy Saville, the World's oldest ned):

The Splice Advent Calender 23/12/07

Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas everyone!

Cinematic Titanic Out!

It's out! Pop over to their site and have a look. Here's the promo thingy:



Shamefully at this time it looks as if anyone outside North America can't get this. Fingers and toes crossed that the situation changes somehow!

Xmas Riffing

A promo for Rifftrax's short A Visit To Santa:



Another great Xmas riff to add to the two they've done and the two from MST3K. Click on the above link to download the full video (you need a DivX Player).

The Splice Advent Calender 22/12/07

And now for a few of the best Xmas songs over the next few days, mainly because I'm a lazy sod:

The Splice Advent Calender 21/12/07

I don't like the threat implied by this song, "you'd better watch out, 'cos Santa's pissed man an' he'll cut ya if you mess with him!"

The Splice Advent Calender 20/12/07

A Christmas song... for you:




Well framed eh? Next I'll be getting a phone call frae Michael Bay askin me to do Transformers 2. I am of course suggesting that he intentionally sets out to confuse us!

The Splice Advent Calender 19/12/07

Sorry Die Hard isn't the greatest Xmas movie ever, Santa and The Ice Cream Bunny is:

The Splice Advent Calender 18/12/07

Download this and keep the X-Fuddster off number one.

The Splice Advent Calender 17/12/07

Lustige Videos – Gratis Fun Video – Deine funny Videos bei Clipfish

The Splice Advent Calender 16/12/07

The best Xmas movie ever:

The Games That Should Be Turned Into Movies

In lieu of the recent Hitman film (heard it's shite and after Street Fighter: The Movie video game based films aren't high on my to watch list, somewhere under cows taking a dump and Hostel 2). But there are cracking games that if done right (ie with a bloody good story, games never have good stories in filmic terms) could maybe work:



Streets Of Rage

So let's start with one that has virtually no story just to fuck things right up.Think of how cool watching Axel, Blaze, Adam and Max (not Skate, he's embarrassingly early 90's "cool". He'd need to be done up like one of the Klaxons now or something) battering lots of enemies that vaguely resemble other famous characters (Freddy, Ultimate Warrior, Blaze from Streets Of Rage) while that music pumps all the time. Obviously the script could be turned into something about the corruption at the heart of the city it's set in or something. In all honesty I just want them to reveal where they jump from at the start of a level. Is it heaven?



Conker's Bad Fur Day

Animated of course featuring a foul-mouthed squirrel pissing on baddies and fighting an opera singing mound of poo. Film of any year it gets released in!



Gunstar Heroes

KA- (wait for it) BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The blowiest uppyist game evers! Just hunners o shootin and explosions. There might already be an anime version of this, who knows (Japanese people probably) but done right a lack of plot wouldn't matter too much, just like the game.



The Legend Of Zelda (and in particular Ocarina Of Time).

It's got everything you could want; fighting, archery, time travel, small boys in tights that grow into men in tights, pointy ears, chicken throwing. This one actually does have a story that genuinely shocks and with all the post-Rings fantasy flicks coming out now would be a good time finally to erase that shite blast of a cartoon series from the 80's with a spanking good movie. The campaign starts here!



Mario

Aye aye, it's already been done:



but Christ was it pish. Did they even play any of the games first? Remake Mario as he should be instead of whatever fever dream that thing was.

Oh and it looks like someone has already made a Streets Of Rage movie. Check the special effects:

The Splice Advent Calender 15/12/07

Is it just me or should Rudolph have told Santa to go fuck himself?

Santa: "Hey Rudolph. See hows it's foggy n aw that? Ya wanna guide the sleigh?"

Rudolph: "Really?"

Santa: "Really."

Rudolph: "Really? So after aw these years o no goin oot and bein ignored by ye, aw o a sudden you want me to guide yer sleigh. No jus help pull it, guide it. Now why would that be?"

Santa: "Because I value and trust you Rudolph. Your the one fer me!"

Rudolph: "Well I wisnae aw those times ye turnt a blind eye to the hazin frae Prancer n aw that wis I? Let me guess, cause it's foggy there's finally a use fir me. I can light the night sky. Is that it?"

Santa: "Well aye."

Rudolph: "Or mibbies it's because naebody will be able to see you hingin oot wae the FREAK WAE THAT HING ON HIS FACE! Is that it? You too ashamed to be seen wae me?

Santa: "No...not at..."

Rudolph: "Cram it ya auld pie.Ye can shove yer sleigh up yer FAT ARSE cos I'm out! Get it right roon ye!"

Or something to that affect.

The Splice Advent Calender 14/12/07

Oh Holy shite:



(Supposedly a genuine audition for a Christian Music school)

Thanks to MonsterXmas on the MST3K Discussion Board for the link to this!

The Splice Advent Calender 13/12/07

The Splice Advent Calender 12/12/07

A Christmas greeting from the guys at Rifftrax (scroll down for the video).

The Rifftrax site has the commentary they did for the abysmal Star Wars Holiday Special (Lucas don't want you to see this trainwreck).

And from last year there's the commentary they did for Nestor the Long Eared Christmas Donkey (a short clip):



Fill your Christmas with Riff related cheer!

The Splice Advent Calender 11/12/07

A Christmas joke for you, please don't hate me!

Machine Girl Trailer

I've no idea what this is but fuck I want to see it!



Cheers to my mate Euan for this heads up!

The Splice Advent Calender 10/12/07

Here's my Christmas card to you! May all your Christmas' be shite.

The Splice Advent Calender 9/12/07

Guess what? It actually snowed a wee bit yesterday right after I shot the video of the pissin' rain!

Futurama: Bender's Big Score

I know it's really just a few episodes stuck together and plopped out by Fox just like the Family Guy "movie" but Futurama's back so wheesht and just accept it as a great Xmas present. And there's another three to come!

See the excitement about this comes from the fact that when Futurama was on the air it trumped the four adjacent seasons of The Simpsons. The Simpsons has continued to nose dive since then but has remained popular leading to the movie version, a more in depth review coming with the release of the DVD I promise. Futurama suffered from not just being The Simpsons and so essentially flopped leading to cancellation before syndication ratings and the Family Guy resurgence led Fox to believe that it should be resurrected. The motivation was in no way about money of course (ahem) but who cares as Futurama's back for the time being.

It would be churlish to compare this to The Simpsons Movie, as I said at the top there, this isn't really a movie at all but four episodes of the same storyline stuck together. Of course this is a weakness of the film. it feels like four episodes with clear cliffhanger moments and changes in plotlines coming very quickly. As a result it's very much like me after Xmas dinner, bloated and fit to burst. There's so much going on, mainly thanks to a time travel plotline that's baffling in its intricacy, coupled with so many nods to previous episodes for the fans, that it's all a bit much to take in at first.

Of course all of those nods are very welcome as a fan. Many a little detail is explained and new perspectives are opened up much like they were in all of those Fry and the Nibblonian episodes. And the storyline is pretty damn good, the extra time gives it a chance to develop in a way that it couldn't have over twenty minutes. Plus every character you want is in there somewhere, in a way where they at least get something, unlike The Simpsons Movie. And most importantly, it's as funny as ever.

No matter the flaws, and the makers admit that they did struggle thanks to having never written a movie before in the DVD commentary, this is Futurama. On other words it's brilliant and will reward many viewings. It serves up everything you could want and any sense of disappointment really comes from the fact that Futurama served up such a high level of quality over its run that four years of expectation could never really be met. In time this will get the credit it deserves and it bodes well for the other movies. Any fears about a canceled show coming back brought on by the fact that Family Guy's been in the main shite since it came back can be put to rest.

The Splice Advent Calender 8/12/07

The Splice Advent Calender 7/12/07

Or I saw my mother getting it on with an older gentleman and he's bought my silence by giving me a Nintendo Wii.

I've Decorated

Yup, I made my own banner. Reassuringly inexpensive to almost quote an old Wife Beater beer advert. As you can tell I'm shite wae the ol' computer but I feel the tinpot nature of the whole endeavor is summed up in one crappy logo!

Also there's a bit for you to subscribe to an email of each post so you never have to look at my face again, unless you know me, then get it right roon ye!

And there's a shiny widget resplendent with tinpot Splice logo. Got to love how sleek it looks with that plastered on the top of it. No idea what the swank fucker does but it sure looks purdy.

oh and the rumours (that I'm starting now) that the slogan for this shitty wee blog is going to be "Splice Up Your Life" are so far unfounded. Unless I give into the cheesiness that so often makes me do bad things.

In the words of Simon Bates in those advice slots at the start of videos from the 80's;

"Thanks for listening".

Big Red

Blades Of Glory

So two men ice skating as a pair. GAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! That appears to be what the pitch for Blades of Glory consisted of. If in doubt about how to make a comedy use a titter inducing sport and feature straight men touching each other. Those young 'uns'll eat it up.

Thing is as bad as I've made Blades Of Glory sound it's actually pretty good. The cast is uniformly excellent combining the manic frenzy of the likes of Will Ferrel and Will Arnett with the straight person shtick of Jenna Fischer and Craig T. Nelson. Add Amy Poehler and that's one hell of a cast. I had one apprehension before viewing though; Jon Heder. At the time he appeared in this there was only Napolean Dynamite. I had to ask whether he'd be a bit like Gretna in the SPL. You can't begrudge him being there because of past achievements and he'll give his all, but ultimately would he be out of his depth amongst the big talent? After watching those fears have been relegated faster then Dunfermline from the First Division (I promise the Scottish fitba euphemisms will now stop). Heder is excellent, and perfect for the role he inhabits. Ferrel is on Anchorman as opposed to Elf form, on other words he's playing the bastard in love with himself. As good as he is in Elf, he saved the whole thing, I much prefer this sort of stuff from him. The thing is Heder may steal the movie from him, purely because we have seen this type of thing from Ferrel before.

Of the other performances husband and wife team Arnett and Poehler are hilarious as the baddies, although a major grumble is definitely that they are not on screen enough, and Nelson is perfectly cast as that ratchety old coach/father figure that's in all montage reliant movies. And credit to Jenna Fischer who has that oh so tough role in these movies of the straight person, there to help the more manic performers along by grounding everything. It's a role she has performed exceptionally well on the American version of the Office for about three years now and it has served her well in this. The straight performances in comedy can often go unnoticed and that's not fair because as I said, in many ways it can be the toughest role.

So far I've focused on the acting in Blades Of Glory and there's a reason for that. As much as the film features some very funny lines and situations, the "high speed" chase near the end is one of the funniest things I've seen in ages, a pursuit that starts off slick and very Hollywood like on ice but quickly descends into farce as Ferrel and Arnett continue on concrete still in their skates, for the most part there's something slightly lacking about the film. The main problem seems to be that while it strives for the zaniness of past Ferrel vehicles nothing in the script really hits those heights. In fact for the most part things are quite straight before a sudden burst of "wacky".

It is a damn funny film worth seeing with some excellent performances but ultimately the uneven tone stops it from being as great as the initial set up suggests.

The Splice Advent Calender 6/12/07

'Tis the season to be jolly!

The Splice Advent Calender 5/12/07

So like a negligent parent Splice presents an advent calender for you five days into December. By "advent calender" I mean a post with some sort of pithy, probably Christmas related thing that I've found on the World Wide InterWebs. Might be a video, a picture, a story or me with nothing on but a stocking (it won't be me with nothing on but a stocking). Here's the first (fifth) "door":



I can't believe it took me this long to think of something this hackneyed! A new post everyday up until that there Christmas Eve.

Black Sheep

And so after nearly two months I have finally gotten hold of a Region 1 copy of "the zombie sheep movie" on DVD.

"Is it meant to be scary?"

Obviously at first glance a movie in which sheep attack would appear to be ridiculous. My thoughts when I first watched the unfinished Toronto Film Festival version was that it was as if the film makers had come up with the idea after watching Peter Jackson's Bad Taste, and in particular that bit with the sheep:



Now the sheep get their revenge!

Of course not quite. The sheep become carnivorous thanks to a bit of genetic engineering, keeping things topical what with Dolly and all that, and set about eating anyone in sight. As I said, it's a ridiculous idea using sheep as your monster unless you think of the context in which they are used. The film was made and set in New Zealand, a place that has 40m sheep compared to about 4m people. If they did attack the human populace would be doomed, kind of like if Midges became lethal killers in Scotia. And in all honesty the other "nature strikes back" movies are just as ridiculous really. Hitchcock made the concept of Seagulls attacking terrifying but if you were presented with the idea for The Birds without knowing what it is you'd probably laugh it off unless you really think about how bad our winged friends attacking could be. And insects attacking isn't really that bad, you can crush them underfoot, yet because of how they look people accept films featuring them as your monster.

Not that director Jonathan King is for a second really taking any of this seriously. He's a director who gets the horror genre, and in particular those splatter comic horrors of the 80's. If he manages to orchestrate a scare then good, but he's probably just as happy if he grosses you out or makes you laugh. He also understands that a sheep being made to look menacing, either by a music cue or a sudden jump cut, is intrinsically hilarious. The fact that by the end of the movie you buy the fact that these things are a real threat to the heroes is testament to King's ability as a director of this sort of thing. Horror buffs will have a field day spotting all the little references to the classics (The Shining, The Birds, Night of the Living Dead, even Shaun of the Dead) twisted nicely thanks to the use of sheep and that quirky Jackson-esque sense of humour that emanates from places like New Zealand, Ireland and Scotland. Essentially it plays like all those great "splatter" horrors (Evil Dead, Re-animator, Slither) in the sense that it does work as a horror movie albeit one with its tongue shoved so far into its cheek that its torn right through. But it also has the charm of the early Jacksons with a more overt sense of humour running through it, like fart gags and the wonderful moment where a sheep drives over a cliff.

Some of the gags feel a little laboured though, such as hippy chick Experience's "far out man" stuff. The acting is also a little ropey at times, as are the effects. Mind you the latter does seem to be in direct reference to the movies that influence this one so in their own hand puppety way they can be quite fun, and the Weta guys appear to be glad to be going back to their roots.

Let's be honest, it's a film about zombie sheep. If the idea doesn't make you laugh then you will hate this. If, on the other hand, your first thought was "I need to see this" then you're obviously the sort of person who will love the gore, bad effects, worse acting and wah-wah-wah jokes. It's what a movie featuring zombie sheep should be all about.