In The Loop

For many years now Armando Iannucci has been one of the finest minds in comedy. Just look at the list of shows he has worked on either as writer, performer or producer (The Day Today, Alan Partridge, Time Trumpet) and talent he has nurtured as a result (Chris Morris, Lee And Herring, Steve Coogan) if you need proof. And yet his finest work may also be his most low key, both in style and the fact that it went out on BBC 4, The Thick Of It. Using a documentary style the viewer is granted access to the inner sanctum of New Labour, and later the identical Conservative camp, and in particular the spin machine designed to make it more important how an act is perceived than what the actual act actually is. Here we are introduced to Chief Spin Doctor Malcolm Tucker (Peter Capaldi), an expletive spewing monster and one of the finest creations ever to appear on telly. Only he's not really a creation as he is, supposedly very accurately, based on New Labour's real Spin Doctor Alistair Campbell. Basically every week a bumbling minister, and there are (too) many of those in British politics, would say or do something that reflects badly on the party and and Tucker would be left to sort it out. Things are no different here.

In The Loop sees Tucker shifted from London to Washington after cabinet minister Simon Foster (Tom Hollander) makes not one but two balls ups whilst discussing a potential war in the Middle East that sees him being courted by both the Hawks and the Peaceniks in the American regime. The first time we hear him speak he is talking about diarrhoea, quite appropriate for that to be coming out of his mouth really. This is a man who when attending an important meeting has to be reminded by note not to act like a tit. He's another in Iannucci's line of bumbling, mumbling public school educated fools who happen to be in charge of our country. Listening to him you can't help but picture Jack Straw, or any number of his grey, New Labour clones.

In this respect he is the perfect foil for Capaldi's Tucker, a man of absolute conviction in his own brilliance which allows him to rise above all those around him. You suspect Tucker's really in charge of the country and funnily enough as terrifying as that prospect is looking at the alternatives leaves you confused as to whether it really would be worse. Capaldi's performance is nothing short of brilliant. He absolutely becomes the hateful, cynical, conniving bastard and is clearly having the time of his life playing him in the improvisational environment Iannucci provides for his performers. Tucker is clearly the role of a lifetime for the actor and the relish he employs to every insult, every tirade and every "fuck" is just a joy to watch.

That said Paul Higgins as Jamie The Press Secretary almost upstages him. In the Night Of The Living Dead Rifftrax it is noted with tongue wedged in cheek that it's an interesting acting choice taken by Karl Hardman as Harry Cooper to start incredibly angry and escalate from there. Well that's exactly what Higgins does and this time it is a perfect choice. Jamie makes Tucker look nice. Whereas Malcolm may threaten people with violence it's very clear Jamie will happily follow through. He's only in a couple of scenes but almost steals the entire movie with his rant about why you never see a superhero builder before letting loose on some unfortunate office equipment while screaming about how angry he is at it.

Other memorable moments include Karen Clarke (Mimi Kennedy) having some dental problems during an important war related meeting, Lt. Gen. George Miller (James Gandolfini) attempting to calculate how many troops the U.S. has spare on a kid's Speak and Spell type toy, and Steve Coogan's slightly demented turn as a disgruntled constituent of Foster's who is having trouble with a wall. But most of all it's the dialogue that makes In The Loop great. To put it simply it's a joy just to revel in it. But it's not just there for show as the plot is almost entirely driven by it. It's a brave move, and one that should be applauded as Iannucci threats his audience with a respect most filmmakers would never afford them. It's brilliant just to watch a film that works on the assumption that the viewers are intelligent enough to follow what's going on without having to be shown.

In The Loop is an intelligent, brave and hilarious little character piece. It's also the best film of the year so far and one that suggests that after having ruled in the realm of television comedy for so long that he is now ready to do the same in the film world. Alan Partridge: The Movie anyone?

Watchmen

There can be nothing less encouraging for a director setting out to turn an unfilmable book into a successful movie than said book's author deriding the very notion of turning it into a film. That's the situation that faced Watchmen director Zack Snyder. Alan Moore, the original book's author, was effectively quoted as saying that his dense, dark and brilliant graphic novel wasn't designed to be anything other than a graphic novel. As a result Snyder's already seemingly impossible task, to make a competent film out of difficult source material that also appealed to the populace despite its brutal subject matter, while also appealing to fans of it such as himself, now had the added pressure of proving Moore wrong. And to this end Snyder comes through almost unscathed.

If you've read the book then you'll know how difficult a task making this film must have been. The vast, complex story unravels over multiple time lines and Moore uses various methods to tell it, moving beyond mere comic with an autobiography, newspaper clippings, police case files, academic writings and a comic within the comic that works on an allegorical level. Add to that that it's an ensemble piece containing some deep, brilliantly drawn out characters who inhabit an alternative 80's where Nixon's still president and the Cold War is reaching crisis point leading to a society in absolute meltdown. As a result there's a bleakness that could rival the grimiest torture porn/Noir hybrid yet to be made. Not really the ideal basis for the year's first big blockbuster is it?

Credit has to go to Snyder for even creating something coherent out of this source material. Many of the decisions he has made are not only daring, but at times are quite simply brilliant. Obviously with such a dearth of source material some things had to go, while others had to be incorporated in other ways. This is where Snyder and the writers should actually take most credit. Some things are easy to do without (Tales Of The Black Freighter) but the brave decisions mainly relate to the back story of the earlier superhero group the Minutemen. Their story is pretty much covered in a breathtaking opening montage set to The Times They Are A-Changin'. It covers a lot of important information in little over three minutes. Another brave decision relates to the endgame. I won't ruin anything but the changes mean that it ties to one of the characters and actually explains some actions by him better. Plus it cuts out a whole subplot from the book. Personally I think it's actually a bit better than Moore's original ending.

Choices like these prove that Snyder has a love of the source material that helped in making these decisions, but his fandom also works against him at times. As much as the changes help Watchmen as a film it means that some aspects are lost. The biggest problem is with Rorcshach, a character so brilliant the film could have been entirely about him. Sadly it feels as if the reasons for his state of mind are only touched upon, but then if there was an in depth look into his childhood that the book affords the movie would come to a grinding halt. The problem is that on other occasions he chooses to stick too closely to the book, meaning that the pacing starts to suffer anyway. It's as if Snyder became too fearful of changing too much, maybe thinking about the fans, maybe thinking about Moore's comments. At times it feels a little bit like he is trying to prove him wrong, that Watchmen the movie can be as great as Watchmen the book.

There are other problems beyond pacing. Some of the effects aren't great, the whole Mars sequence looks particularly X-Box-y. Dr. Manhattan's another problem. After Gollum and the newest Kong he feels a bit more Jar Jar, although his big, blue penis is absolutely stunning! Those boffins really crunched those ones and zeroes to get that thing flapping just right. I jest of course. Some of the non-CG performances are a little suspect as well. Jeffrey Dean Morgan (The Comedian) and Jackie Earle Haley (Rorschach) are both great and Billy Crudup does his best behind the CG as Manhattan but Malin Akerman (Silk Spectre II) is nothing short of dreadful. One has the suspicion that she was cast because of how she looked in the costume. Her only good scene is the sex scene and that's down to what she brings to it visually. Funnily enough it's the opposite problem with Matthew Goode (Ozymandias) who brings a smugness to the role that feels right. The problem is that he's meant to be this perfect specimen of man yet looks like the kid at school who would get repeatedly battered for being "a bit small" and now he's went and gotten himself a big muscle suit, a la Batman And Robin, just to show them. Shamefully he looks like a man mountain with a wee head.

Watchmen is a brave film, and one that to a large extent works. There are some major problems with it but on the whole it's a pretty enjoyable romp. The problem is that it should be more than that. Snyder has done a commendable job of bringing a very hard project to the screen, but, much like in his previous films, things are a little too shallow once you get beyond the brilliant visuals. In the end Watchmen does work as a film, but one that can't live up to its brilliant source material.

Gran Torino

Right, I know this has been out for ages, in fact so long it's probably not in the pictures anymore, but I saw it and then for several reasons, none particularly interesting, the review just fell through the cracks.

I was going to talk about the fact that Gran Torino is an immensely enjoyable film that features a great, possibly final, performance from Clint. I was going to talk about the fact that it overcomes some ropey performances from a few of the cast and some cheesy scenes, such as the one where Walt confronts a gang of black guys hassling his neighbour and her "wigga" boy pal, thanks to a glut of really great moments. I was even going to comment on the fact that the film makes casual racism fun! Not really. You see I was going to talk about how Walt is so emotionally damaged that he has to keep everyone at a distance and what easier way to do that than racially abusing them? And I was also going to say that Clint actually sings in this and that by doing so has allowed Jamie Cullum to turn in the first song of his that upon hearing it doesn't make me want to kill everything standing between he and my awful, awful vengeance.

But the review never got written so now I'm not able to talk about those things. Sorry. You'll just need to decide for yourself if you should have seen this when it was out or not.

Let The Right One In

If you want to show someone the differences between Hollywood "product" and European "films" then you could do far worse than host a double bill consisting of Twilight and Let The Right One In. Both deal with adolescent vampirism, but whilst the former aims directly at the teenage market, and in particular female emos, the latter deals with the subject in a very adult fashion.

Now there must be zillions of boring pieces of academia about the differences between the Yank and Euro methods of filmmaking, and all of them more than likely come to the same, let's be honest, lazy conclusions. It's not always the case that Hollywood takes the slick, commercial approach whereas Europe looks to make art, do a double bill with Dogma and Spain's Day Of The Beast to see this point proven, but in the case of these two teen bloodsucker tales those theories stand up.

Let The Right One In follows twelve year old loner Oskar who befriends who he thinks is a fellow twelve year old girl, Eli, who has moved in next door. What follows is a difficult tale, full of long pauses (well it is Swedish so Bergmann was going to cast a shadow over it) and ambiguities. This is a film that revels in not telling you what's going on. There are hints, mainly visual, but for the most part you're left to try and work out for yourself what's going on. It means that there are many different possible readings of the film, none of them strictly right or wrong, as a cursory glance at the IMDB forum for this film (SPOILERS APLENTY SO DON'T CLICK UNTIL YOU'VE SEEN IT) will testify. From interviews it even appears that the scriptwriter John Ajvide Lindqvist, who also wrote the novel that this is based upon, and director Tomas Alfredson don't see eye to eye as to what certain scenes mean. As a result it's a film that's worthy of much thought but will frustrate many as well. To discuss some of the surprises contained in this film here would ruin them. It's best just to go and see it.

Let The Right One In is a haunting, beautiful, dark, creepy, violent, charming film totally at ease in its Euro-centric eccentricities. It is a thought provoking study of loneliness and friendship and brings much originality to vampirism, cinematic or otherwise. It is the absolute antithesis of Twilight and you should be thankful that's the case.

Jesus

There's been a lot of talk about the best filmed Jesus in the run up to today, the anniversary of Jesus' death by chocolate consumption, and none of them have mentioned this one, so I will:

Splice Movies T.W.A.T.

Weekend Movies T.W.A.T. Good Friday Special

T.W.A.T. means to watch avec telly. This is the Spice Guide to whats on telly thats filmy. Read it and post some comments, what you watched, what you didnt, tell me to stop posting thins crap, your choice.

Avec means "with" i know that but rather than "on" and make it T.W.O.T. its T.W.A.T. cos its aesthetically more pleasing.Another weekend has rolled itself around so here is where to find out what is coming up on the telly if your staying in. Or rather you could probably check the papers too, they have the tv listings, yeah! But it doesnt have the same spin on it you will read here so forget the national press and read on.Going to curtail this a bit cos its long winded and sometimes boring.

Friday 10th April 09

Bit of a poor effort all things considered for the during the day schedules, ITV more or less has the same stuff they show everyday, i think anyway, five i think is the same, BBC have a mince dancing film with Richard Gere in it called Shall We Dance? which in the course of my life so far i have avoided pretty well and will continue to do so unless something drastic happens. They are also showing Chicken Run which i just dont get, i watched it years ago on a plane to Florida and as i say, didnt get it. I know its probably not that hard to decipher and the fact i was on a plane would have had some sort of bearing on my outcome but even still, didnt get it. But loads of people say its good so i am probably wrong, today i will find out.

C4 has been showing comedy films at 10 the past few fridays and after a few duffers (Date Movie and The Ringer) they come into their own with the Wedding Crashers which i am going to come out and say that in my opinion this is as good as if not better than Anchorman. Vince Vaughn is a genuine hero of mine ever since Swingers and this when i saw it first made me fall in love with him all over again. A bigger recommendation (or maybe more contrversial) i could not give.

Channel Dave is showing the first of its three new episodes of Red Dwarf tonight at 9pm. Called Back to Earth all i know is that they visit The Rovers Return from Coronation Street and thats more than enough info, i will enjoy it all without any spoilers please. Anyway, this return is a major cause for delight at Spice and you know I may even put together a review when all thre are shown but for now i will simply rekindle any memories you may be searching for by simply writing

SMEG!

Pixar On A Budget

DVD Reviews

've been really busy. Not busy as in doing interesting things, rather working loads and the like. As a result I've fallen a bit behind on reviews. Thankfully I have some time off so thoughts on Gran Torino, Watchmen and Milk are forthcoming, just in time so you can decide whether to see movies you've either already seen or missed. In the meantime here's some very brief reviews of some stuff I've watched on DVD of late when I've had a wee minute or two to put something on.

Ghost Town



Decent mis-mash of lots of other films you've already seen. The Frighteners does something similar, a whole lot better, so see that under-rated gem instead. Gervais is actually quite good in it by the way.

Run, Fatboy, Run



Predictable toss saved slightly by Simon Pegg and Dylan Moran.

My Super Ex-Girlfriend



Good idea but somewhat lacking. Nice to see Rainn Wilson get a big role.

Get Smart



Good stuff. Worth seeing. A sequel would be welcome.

Tropic Thunder



Should have been funnier. Maybe if the entire movie consisted of Tom Cruise and Robert Downey Jr. (and it was only twenty minutes long) it would have been better.

Told you they were brief!

Oh, and I watched Ghostbusters on telly. Ghostbusters is freaking cool! But then I'm sure you already know that. Unless you haven't seen it. Then I have to ask "what the hell is wrong with you?"

CT 7: Blood Of The Vampires

See how all those Emo/Goth twats are pure into vampire films and books and stuff? Well if you know one and are a bit worried show them Blood Of The Vampires. Their bloodsucking obsession'll be killed off in an instant, such is the badness on display in this movie. It was shot in The Philippines but is set in 1920's Mexico, features an awful dub job (as Josh says in the episode intro you know you're in trouble when English is the movie's third language), and a number of actors in "black-face" make up a la Al Jolson. Frankly any sense of cool that Twilight and the like may have built up for those bothered by the sun is wiped out completely by this turd of a movie.

It's fair play to the Cinematic Titanic crowd that they even have a go at making it funny, since as much as a Filipino vampire movie set in Mexico sounds like a blast it's actually all rather dull. It's mainly all talking, which is bad enough at the best of times but when the dubbing's laughably out of sync it's torture. The "action", and even with the use of ironic quotation marks I use that word loosely, involves an old bloke dieing of heart disease whipping a ropey old bird with fangs, lot's of "ooo, isn't this heavy?" acting involving some chest-of-drawers with a painting on top of it and scenes that involve absolutely no tension thanks to the director's apparent inability to stage a shock/fight/chase. They can't even get the music queues to come in at the right time for Christ's sake!

Of course as much as all of this kills a movie that's standing alone, when there's riffing involved it's like hundreds of little gifts sent from God himself. The Titans appear to be in a particularly giddy mood throughout this one and the riffing is loose and fast. Gone is the stiffness that plagued, though thankfully didn't ruin, the earlier episodes as it's clear the guys are now completely at ease with not only performing but with each other. There are numerous occasions when the others laugh at a riff performed by one of them, and a lot of it seems to come from the energised performance. In fact many of the riffs' comedic value is multiplied thanks to the delivery. Special mention has to go to Trace in this one, he's at the absolute top of his game throughout.

All in all this is another good offering from Cinematic Titanic that comes recommended. The movie's a bit turgid meaning that this might not be the best intro for the uninitiated but the riffing is strong and the performances from the Titans are tip-top. It's worth seeing for all the black-face riffs alone, especially one from Josh where the actor's character slips. Plus without knowing they're doing their bit to save the world's teenagers from the cult that is Twilight. For that alone we should thank them for bringing us Blood Of The Vampires.

You can buy the DVD or download the episode here. Do it and save a Goth.

Splice Movies T.W.A.T.

Midweek Movies T.W.A.T. 6th - 9th April 09

T.W.A.T. means to watch avec telly. This is the Spice Guide to whats on telly thats filmy. Read it and post some comments, what you watched, what you didnt, tell me to stop posting thins crap, your choice.

Avec means "with" i know that but rather than "on" and make it T.W.O.T. its T.W.A.T. cos its aesthetically more pleasing.Another weekend has rolled itself around so here is where to find out what is coming up on the telly if your staying in. Or rather you could probably check the papers too, they have the tv listings, yeah! But it doesnt have the same spin on it you will read here so forget the national press and read on.Going to curtail this a bit cos its long winded and sometimes boring.

Monday 6th Apr 09

Instead of Manhunter which is on ITV tonight i am going to pick out The Fast and the Furious which is getting shown most probably ad nauseum due to the fact the new film is out in the cinemas soon. the new film is called "Fast and Furious" which is a crap title and is taglined by the amazing "new model, original parts" or something which alludes to the fact that the new film has the same folk in it as the 1st one as opposed to the two sequels which diluted the stars more and more as they went along. So this is the original that is on ITV2 at 9pm and its my reccomendtation to watch tonight. its not brilliant, its got Paul Walker as an undercover cop for christ sake and Vin Diesel is in it too and he can be known to suck but even still its pretty exciting and there is some cool tattoos on show. A decent Monday night movie.

Tuesday 7th Apr 09

Swordfish has Halle Berrys tits in it. Its on fiveUSA at 9pm. But you may be watching the football when it starts so you may miss it. its champions league 1st legs though so flick back and forward. Actually there is some stunning action scenes in this so its well worth a look, especially the opening one. Plus Halle Berrys boobs out scene was usurped by her getting pumped by Billy Bob in Monsters Ball so its all a bit meh now. Oh oh oh i should mention John travoltas haircut in Swordfish is worth a look!

Wednesday 8th Apr 09

Nothing to report for watching today so i suppose i should apologise for missing the TWAT last week, was in Amsterdam last weekend so was otherwise engaged then missed the midweek one because i was rough. i have no such excuses for the weekend there, except i was lazy. Sorry if anyone actually reads this.

Thursday 9th Apr 09

lets go with Green Street tonight on ITV4 at 10 pm, the film that inspired thousands of wee dicks the length of the country to be fake cockneys when talking about being hooligans regardless of where they actually come from. Scottish wee dick hoolies actually say cant instead of cunt. In the film if you no know nothing of it, Elijah Woods plays an american student who is pulled in by hooliganism to obvious effect.

Splice On Twitter

http://twitter.com/SpliceChuff

That's right, like the bandwagon jumpers on we are we're now on the world's favourite internet based time wasting tool (for now). Expect riveting updates at least twice a year from your favourite Slice chuffters!

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Well i recieved a email this morning which seemed to offer me something frankly wonderful!

"Bring the X-Men Origins Wolverine Premiere to Your Town"

it said and it had me interested, i could potentialy have Hugh Jackman walking up the red carpet in Kilmarnock, Ryan Reynolds could have sly fag (i have no idea if he smokes) while looking out onto the Burger King and KFC restuarants which are situated accross from the Odeon complex, probably wryly thinking that there is all sorts of irony in the fact that the other building near these two diners is a Fitness First gym.

Sadly this can never happen as its an America only promotion, it requires a zip code and sadly i only have a post code and so cant enter my terific post industrial home town Kilmarnock, Ayrshire in bonny Scotland.

i could easily have left it there but i didnt,

so i found a zip code to use and use it i did, i found a small town in America called Kilmarnock (pop. around 1500) and found out its zip code, from there i entered the competition and i implore you all to do the same.

this is the website to go to folks and when you click to vote using the great big button at top centre of the screen enter you name adress and email and the state is VA, and the zip code is 22482. Readers of Splice i implore you, Kilmarnock deserves this honour, regardless of where in the world i appears to be. We can do it!

X-Men Origins: Wolverine comes out in the UK at the end of this month and i look forward to it immensely. though the title sucks all different kinds of ass.

Do you know i never even checked if Kilmarnock, VA has a cinema!

More Horror Remakes

Splice can exclusively reveal that plans are afoot to remake the recent remake of cult horror film My Bloody Valentine, My Bloody Valentine 3D. My Bloody Valentine 3D: The Next Generation is being described by insiders as "revolutionary" and "a whole new way of doing horror". Said one source, "this will blow the whole 3D thing out of the blood soaked water and show audiences things they can only imagine".

This isn't an idle boast, rather a description of the exact process that My Bloody Valentine 3D: The Next Generation will employ to have it's audience fill their pants with fear. This will entail the film trundling through all non-killing scenes as normal, in fact they're the exact same scenes as in My Bloody Valentine 3D helping the film to be produced cheaply and quickly, until one of those murderisations comes along. At this point a title card will appear on screen requesting that the audience members imagine a brutal scene that sickens and terrifies them. "Nothing that we can come up with can compete with the recesses of the audience members' own minds" said the insider, "seriously, people are sick. If the worst thing you can imagine is a Nazi clown tearing a big titted blonde's head off then skinning that head and using the skin as a sick bag because he's suffering from a nasty bug that's going about then that's how the murder goes down". The benefits move beyond how cheap and quick this will be to produce as these films won't fall foul of the censors thanks to the actual content not being onscreen. it also means that the film is only ever as extreme as you want it to get.

And if this all sounds like an exercise in Hollywood asking for you to pay for content that they then expect you to provide then don't worry. "We've catered for these sourpuss' as well." At certain times during the movie a glow-in-the-dark version of the popular hero/murderer from My Bloody Valentine, My Bloody Valentine 3D and My Bloody Valentine 3D: The Next Generation, That Bloke With The Gas Mask On, will rise from a box at the back of the theatre and swoop over the audience's heads. This step is hoped to satiate those with little imagination with the frights they crave. "Hey, it's not an original idea, but how often do we deal in those?"