The Dark Knight

Of course anyone who puts stock into IMDB's top 250 list is really wasting their time, or really likes lists, but at the point of writing The Dark Knight is number 1, that's the greatest film ever made number 1, thanks to an average score of 9.2/10 from about 165,000 votes. Why mention this? Merely to point out that thanks to the overwhelming love shown towards this film it becomes not only difficult to write about it, but it seems kind of churlish. You see it is a damn fine film, there's no point in denying this fact, but it certainly isn't the "Greatest Film Ever Made". But then the reason not to hold the IMDB list up is because of fanboys, you know, those who voted "10" the moment the page went up before principal photography had even begun. As I said, bringing up the fact is really to illustrate the point that no matter what I say about the film matters little, and I know that that's the case about anything, but rather I mean that criticism or praise, it deserves both, seem kind of pointless.

So with that in mind, let's review shall we? Let's pretend that this is really just a comicbook movie sequel made by and featuring some very talented people, one of which tragically died, instead of man's finest creation, apart from gravy, obviously.

When Christopher Nolan took on Batman Begins it was a shock, and yet thanks to many other "credible" directors tackling "goofy superheroes" it shouldn't have been. The first thought was that maybe Batman would finally get the serious outing he really deserved after some camp, albeit enjoyable, outings decades back and some awful filmic toss thanks to the overrated Burton and the just about right rated Schumacher. Now I'm no comic book nerd, so it's not like I was crying into my Batman pillowcase because of these representations. Rather the idea of Nolan tackling Batman brought about the thought that I might actually like a Batman film. And I did. Begins is a good film, and Christian Bale proved once again that he really is great in everything, including huge dollops of black rubber. It wasn't as perfect a film as many made out, but when compared to Bryan Singer's two attempts at restarting comic franchises, the wee bit iffy X-Men and Superman Returns, which seems to think that watching a guy lift things is in some way interesting, it was a fine effort by Nolan.

Leap forward to the follow up and any overreaction towards Begins seems muted when faced with the sheer deluge of fanboy piss crashing over the horizon. Not only is this going to be better, but Heath Ledger's playing The Joker, and he's going to be like the comic's version. And oh look, Ledger's just went and popped it meaning the attention placed upon this has went into overdrive. It's a lot for a film to live up to. And thankfully the Dark Knight does do that for the most part. Although the art style seems a bit less gloomy, there's still a refreshing realness to proceedings that other comic book movies have either failed or not even attempted to capture. Thankfully it never becomes too gritty, with the violence still blood-free and the dialogue somewhat lacking in flips and whoopsies. But it also doesn't play things with that nudge, nudge injokey tone that belies many of these types of films. Any humour feels earned, and crucially right, relieving tension without ever imposing.

That's thanks to some very wise decisions in plotting and the like from the filmmakers. Most set-ups feel genuinely tense, with most concerning a choice to be made, the theme of this one after confronting your fears the last time, with the outcome not always obvious. There are some brave choices that I won't ruin for those who haven't seen it in relation to these. Hell they even pretty much nail the whole multiple bad guy thing that so many other superhero yarns blow, think Spidey 3's mish mash of evil.

Of course all of this would be for nothing if there wasn't a committed cast that were able to sell the situations, no matter how ludicrous. And in a carry-over from Begins Nolan has again assembled a fine one. Bale may only have about three scenes unmasked but like everything else he plays the hero with relish, able to convey the complexities of the character that is Batman even while behind more rubber than is contained in a German fetish film. Aaron Eckhart is equally brilliant as the tragic Harvey Dent and Michael Caine continues to be the coolest uptight butler ever.

Then there's Heath Ledger's Joker. Much has been written about where he went to play this part, and how it may have did him in. It has also been stated ad nauseum that he deserves a posthumous Oscar for his work. Now having not seen the film it would be easy to blow-off such notions as sentimental claptrap, but so far there hasn't been anyone better this year. His total habitation of the role is breathtaking, much like Daniel Day-Lewis in There Will Be Blood. He seems to "get" who The Joker is, right down to speech patterns and what really happened to his face, even if the story we hear constantly changes. And the actual character himself is a twisted, malevolent joy. At times you'll find yourself shocked by how much you're actually enjoying the things he is doing, in the same way as watching Tony Soprano could give you a thrill through sheer wish fulfillment. The Joker is Chaos Theory embodied in one fucked up man and thanks to Ledger anarchy becomes a seductive way of life.

The problem lies in the fact that The Joker is so great and Ledger's performance so convincing that once we've been introduced to him the movie feels duller without him. It's nobody's fault really, it's just that nothing else in the film can quite match him, especially in the sadistic glee department. It's not the only quibble either. Dent's transformation into Two Face is cleverly set up but his turn to evil is too quick and the make up unconvincing, which is a real shame because as I said Eckhart is fantastic in the role. It's also too long, a problem with so many movies today, with a sojourn to Hong Kong particularly unnecessary, the bloke they capture could have been caught trying to get there and the whole mobile phone/bat sonar thing could have been introduced in some other, quicker way.

In the end these are not seriously damaging faults. The Dark Knight is a fantastic film treating its subject, and by extension the audience, with respect and intelligence. The tone is right, the performances top-notch and Nolan has certainly learned how to do action since Begins, showing a far steadier hand in the more rollicking moments. It's not "The Greatest Film Ever", of course it isn't, but it is a brilliant example that Hollywood can at times make intelligent, exciting cinema. And at least this time the fanboys have backed a winner.

Transmorphers

The Asylum makes films that are basically DVD cash in for the latest blockbuster hitting the cinema, Snakes on a Plane became Snakes on a Train, I am Legend, I am Omega and Transformers became Transmorphers. you get the drift.

by the title you may think this is a review it isnt, i havent watched it. it is however a wee link to something funny. The imdb page for the film has a forum type bit at the bottom, i read it and chuckled so thought i should pass it on. what has happened is a group of students have decided to do a riff track type thing on htis film and ecided to use imdb to tell the director, now maybe they were just doing it for a laugh or they knew he would bite i dont know but he did and does and still does bite every time, sticking up for himself and his film while calling names to the "trolls" as he puts it. his name is Leigh Scott, i am pretty sure i should say he is a dick but i dunno, i kinda like his stance, take a bow bud. Splice salutes you.

first a sample of the action then the link



heres the link

Brilliant eh?

Ruud Kerouac

Jollyfilter

So that Joel Hodgson has been at it again. This time he's developed a way to make crap movies fun through adding subtle CGI. It's called Jollyfilter and here's the test video for the film Rollercoaster. The first half is the movie as normal, the second half is Rollercoaster through Jollyfilter:

CT 3 August 7th

Yes Cinematic Titanic's third effort The Wasp Woman, by our old friend Roger Corman, is out within two months of the last one. Rejoice people!

WALL.E

Kids have all the best toys. It's a fact. While we fart about waiting nineteen hours to get an iPhone, and what's the fuckin' point in having one of those, the little nippers get to play with Real Ghostbuster figures, Gameboy Colors and Digipoke balls, or whatever the little brats are into these days. Thankfully when it comes to movies, they get the short end of tree amputations. Well would you rather watch Zombie Flesh Eaters or High School Musical? I know, one is one of the most horrific things ever committed to film, the other is Zombie Flesh Eaters (BOOM BOOM!). But when it comes to the films by Pixar the little 'uns seem to have come up trumps, and with WALL.E we may have the finest by the studio.

But before the lil' bastards can start jumping up and down and generally annoying the hell out out of everyone let's say that WALL.E is probably wasted on them. It's too dense, too clever, too artful for someone that young to fully appreciate. In typical fashion Pixar have presented to us a labour of love, packaged up as something for kids. So while they drink fizzy sugar water from their WALL.E beverage holder and point and gurgle at the cute little robot we can point and gurgle at some of the most sumptuous visuals ever to appear in movies, WALL.E and EVE dancing in space is one such moment of supreme, sublime beauty in a movie full of them. WALL.E himself, all Johnny 5 crossed with E.T., is a wonder of character design, at once featureless and yet totally expressive. When he looks up at the skies in wonderment or looks down and defeated by another EVE rejection you will find yourself actually saying out loud "awwwwww". If you in any way pride yourself as a macho studly Gristle McThornbody then it's probably best you avoid this, as your image will be shafted within the first five minutes. It's not all cutesy either. The vision of Earth 700 years from now when humanity has vacated leaving its waste behind is eerie and terrifying in its believability. The opening series of shots traveling through space, continuing through the debris of all those satellites surrounding our planet until we swoop over one of Earth's cities, realising after a few moments that the buildings are in fact piles of rubbish towering above the skyscrapers is breathtaking. As we then follow WALL.E through the place the realisation strikes that it looks like the city has been destroyed by aerial bombardment. Of course it hasn't, we've done this to our own hometown thanks to our neglect. It is this environmental message that underpins proceedings, but thankfully is never shoved down the viewer's throat.

When we get past the eye candy we can begin to appreciate the mastery involved in the scripting of WALL.E. Basically Pixar have always prided themselves on great stories to go along with the wonderful visuals, and WALL.E is no different. Underpinning the whole thing is a basic love story, normal guy who's a bit of a klutz falls for woman out of his league and tries to woo her. When she has to go away he decides to follow her to win her heart. It just so happens the two romantic leads are robots, and the going away involves returning from a desolate Earth to a spaceship that contains the remaining remnants of humanity, now too fat and stupid to do anything for themselves. What follows involves mutiny, robots that are locked up in an asylum and an landslide of tubbies, one of the funniest visual jokes in the whole movie. Add to all that some 2001: A Space Odyssey references, WALL.E's love of Hello Dolly! and the fact that the majority of the film features no dialogue and you've got one of the richest "kid's" films ever made.

In WALL.E Pixar have not only bested anything from the studio previously, but maybe everything else this year so far. It's not a stretch to say this could become known as one of the finest films ever made. The sheer imagination and beauty alone are something to behold, and in the titular robot we have one of the most charming lead characters to front a film. How Pixar are going to best this is beyond me, but the studio never ceases to amaze so who knows. It'll be interesting to see when the Oscar nominations are announced if WALL.E has to make do with the usual Best Animated Feature statue or if it gets to compete with the big boys like it deserves. But then it may not only be the kids that it's wasted on, but those on the Academy as well.

The Damned United

It has been my plan for many months now to write an article or two about books i have read that have cinematic potential. But, typically i may add, the idea got shelved in favour of lying about scratching myself and other such joys.

That was until this week when my appetite was renewed by the book in the title. The Damned United. Started reading it on Tuesday, finished today (Friday incidentally) and it is magic. For those of you who dont know its the story of Brian Clough's 44 days in charge of Leeds United, and for those of you who dont know Brian Clough is one of the most brilliant, succesful, enigmatic, famous, arrogant, brilliant managers ever to manage in the English game. In 1974 he took the job of his most sworn of enemies Don Revie, that being his vacated place as manager of then champions LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS!

The book is written in such a strange way, not as a biography as it may seem, rather as a work of fiction. The main character is Clough himself but it is written from his perspective, his thoughts, his doubts, his anger and triumph and takes us through the events of each of those 44 days, the trainign the games the nights alone, the drives to the stadium and segues it with his path to the Leeds hotseat, from his curtailed playing career to his time managing Hartlepool, Derby and Brighton.

Its not just Clough who is a well rounded fictional character, the rest have their traits nailed firmly on them, Don Revie, his nemisis and the man who haunts his dreams is almost like the emperor form Star Wars, the staff Revie left behind, have the LOTR Wromtongue effect, taking behind his back to the point he dreams theya re saying thing different to what they actually are. the Leeds players who seemingly hate his guts against the Derby players who adore him are all well rounded individuals also and the whole thing plays like a movie. Scenes such as him torching the desk or his discovery of the famous green jumper play in your mind as memorable scenes from a film rather than "gid bits" out a book. If you read it you will know what i mean, i wont tell any more even though if you are aware of the man and the story you know how it goes.

The other cinematic effect i have is Clough as character, in fact three images and performances came to the fore. Ben Kingsley in Sexy Beast, Paul Bettany in Gangster no1, and both the book and film of American Psycho. By that its his ticks, the rage and the expletives of all three and the books repetitive nature which is so similar to Psycho, his explanation of his clothes and his routine mirrored in Damned as he talks of his route to his office, up his stairs, along his corridors, into his office, these elements are repeated constantly. All of this leads me to think of possible leads for the characters,

But wait, no need, no need at all, this book is already in production. slated to come out next year filming has began!



So its Michael Sheen as Clough, and he look great. But Timothy Spall is Cloughs long term right hand man Peter Taylor and an inspired choice Colm Meaney is Revie! martin Compston is going to be in it as John O'Hare and Stephen Graham as Bremner, looking at IMDBs page for the film it has an actor down to play Johnny Giles but from what i have read elsewhere he has sued the publishers and is to be ommited from future versions of the book so i cant understand why he is in the film, but thats merely a sidenote. Broadbents in it too so its a great cast, msot of the rest of it is folk you will recognise from yer Holby Citys and doctor Whos, good jobbing British actors. Plus! Plus its directed by a guy who used to direct Byker Grove! as well as some more sober stuff later in his career. All in all i cant wait, it was a terrific book and finger crossed it will be a brilliant film. Fingers crossed i say! Get them fucking CROSSED!

Joss Whedon Is Back

That's right. After TV and film dicked him around it appears Whedon's going the self-release route. Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog is the name of it. It stars Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fillion and is pretty damn funny. Parts 1 and 2 are up with 3 to follow on Saturday. They will only be available until Sunday night (July 20th) whereupon it appears there will be options to download and possibly a DVD in the pipeline.

I have no idea how I missed this as i love the guys stuff, so thanks to my mate Euan for emailing me about it!

The Machine Girl

Right so the hype for this has been extreme. Not in the populace at large of course, I was referring to round my way. Ever since my mate sent me a link to the trailer above the only thing I've wanted to do was see The Machine Girl. Even to the level that The Dark Knight has taken a back seat, although if I think about the fact that that's out next week I'll probably piss myself...bugger. Anyway, Machine Girl. Brilliantly many people, myself included, were left wondering if the trailer was some elaborate and staggeringly accurate spoof trailer, I mean over-the-top cheap gore, a Japanese schoolgirl with a machine gun for an arm, DRILL BRA! It really did seem too good to be true. Thankfully it is in fact a real film, and is as insane and inventive as the trailer suggests.

How best to describe Machine Girl? I think if Troma made a Kung-Fu film it might turn out a bit like this. Machine Girl's one of those films where the gore is there to make the viewer laugh instead of squirm, and the low-budget effects only help in this case. The blood fires out of wounds as if the characters have high pressure hoses for veins. And the deaths are some of the most hilarious and inventive seen in a film in an absolute age. Even straight forward shootings have some sort of angle to them, be it how the shooting occurs or in the carnage that it leaves behind. And the weapons are just brilliant. The drill bra is good, but the flying guillotine wins for best, and funniest, thanks mainly to some ropey animation that again adds to the charm.

In a way good comparison points are the first two Evil Dead films. It's got the splatter, pitched on the right side of ridiculous, it's funny and it's inventive. Plus the acting, apart from first timer Minase Yashiro, is bad, the budget's low and there are a few moments where it goes to a dark, uncomfortable place that maybe doesn't quite sit with the tone of the rest of the film. That and most people will not only hate it, but unless low-budget comic splatter is their thing, will fail to get what's so brilliant about it. Is Machine Girl for you. Watch the trailer. You're reaction to that will tell you all you need to know.

The King Of Kong: A Fistful Of Quarters

So everyman USA and constant failure Steve Weibe sets out to beat the high score held in Donkey Kong, a record that to that point had stood about twenty years. The record holder is a guy called Billy Mitchell, he looks like a cheap Vegas magician, owns a chain of chicken restaurants and constantly speaks in lame metaphors. Problem is Billy Mitchell is also one of the referees judging the attempts to break the records he holds. Now Steve is plunged headlong into a world of shady dealings, dodgy video tapes and an evil empire designed to stop him at every turn.

Sounds like a "mockumentary" but this is actually a true story. The thing is populated by guys who wear weight lifting gloves so they can play Crystal Castles all day, a referee who now wants to pursue a career in folk and a video tape of a record breaking attempt that features a kid shouting at his Dad to stop playing Donkey Kong so he can wipe his arse. Turns out you really can't make it up.

What's so amazing about King Of Kong is that it's one of the most enthralling and genuinely exciting films I've seen in absolute ages. The story itself is the ol' normal, good family guy against the grinding gears of big organisation, it's just that it's all based around some geeky blokes playing a computer game about a plumber taking on a monkey.

It's also a story about obsession and doing what it takes, no matter what, to be the best. As much as Billy Mitchell comes out of the thing looking like a pompous, cheating prick, Steve Weibe is shown all but neglecting his kids in his pursuit, including that aforementioned bum incident. Not only that but relationships are destroyed, reputations are called into question and there are twists on the level of political thrillers. I don't want to ruin the tale for those who don't know it because some of the stuff that happens is actually unbelievable, even more so than Billy Mitchell's abortion comment.

And that's King Of Kong's biggest selling point, it's an enthralling tale, well told. For a film that features a guy sitting at an arcade cabinet playing Donkey Kong while others around him discuss the possibilities of making a perfect game on Pac-Man to actually make your stomach queasy with nerves is one hell of an achievement on the film maker's part. You care about what these people are going through, and if you don't know the world of classic game high scores you really can't guess where this is going to take you thanks to the twists in the tale. No matter your position on games King of Kong: A Fistful Of Dollars is a fantastic film that just so happens to hinge on them. If you hate them it won't change your mind, especially about those who play them constantly, but you'll end up not caring. When the proceedings are this interesting the subject matter could be about anything.

Armageddon Is Upon Us

Somebody please show these people some Bill Hicks stand-up.

Preferably being forced to watch it like this:

Hancock

Imagine we live in a world where there's an honest to goodness superhero with all those crackin' powers that come with it. A hero that protects us and batters the baddies. Shamefully the closest we've got to that description's ol' Dubya, or Captain Caveman, weakness' include pretzels and an inability to say no to Daddy's mates. In all honesty you'd rather he just left you alone to fend for yourself, thanks to his ability to cock everything up and leave a path of destruction in his wake. Well Hancock's like the fictional Dubya, even down to the drink problem.

It's an intriguing setup at the heart of Hancock. What happens when a superhero hits the skids because his personal life's so shit he turns to that ol' friend booze to sort his problems. And of course that effects his ability to do his job and before you know it he's tossing killer whales into yaughts and flashing his buttocks at children, all the while running up damages totaling hundreds of millions. So when he saves the life of probably the only kind-hearted P.R. man to ever have walked this Earth the move is made to redeem Hancock in the public eye, starting by going to prison for all the damage caused. The thinking behind it is of course that with him away crime rates will soar and everyone will realise they need him.

Hancock's biggest problem is that it doesn't know what to do with such a great idea. Very quickly it descends from superhero send-up into yer actual Hollywood superhero blockbuster, thanks to him sobering up and a big twist that sets the second half of the movie off in another direction altogether. Instead of clever comedy we get mythic back-story and identikit action scenes. It's all directed with a steady hand by Peter Berg and Will Smith and Jason Bateman are excellent but they are all let down by the script. Supposedly Hancock has went through numerous rewrites in the past decade, and yet instead of producing a finely tuned story it's two separate films. The first "movie" offers a lot of potential so it's a great shame that the second "movie" just isn't anything worth seeing. It's like one of those bad TV movies they show in the afternoons on Channel 5 that are really two episodes of a TV show slapped together without any care given to the fact that the two plot-lines don't even fit. If this were the case with Hancock the first half would be the clever, original pilot, the second would come from the middle of Season 4 when lack of viewers made the network move to make it into a generic show so as not to scare the normal folks.

Hancock is the only superhero based blockbuster this summer that's able to claim that it's an original premise, instead of an adaptation. Shamefully by the end you'll feel there's nothing original about it, no matter how much good work has went into the first half.

It Has Arrived!

You know what I'm talking about!

Splice's Greatest Films Ever Made To Come Out In The 90's (the 1990's)

A Preamble

So it's meant to go turn-about but Ruud said to get on with it. Maybe it's punishment for taking so long to write the review of The Hudsucker Proxy. Whatever let's keep the momentum of our favourite films of the 90's going (since I nearly killed it). Oh and Ruud's working on his next film now and I've got another two up my sleeve so this list is gonna grow baby! So here we go with film number 3:

Galaxy Quest (1999)

Synopsis

When a race of peaceful, naive aliens get into a spot of bother with some nasty bugs (not the ones from Starship Troopers) they turn to Earth's finest heroes, the crew of Galaxy Quest. Shamefully the Galaxy Quest videos that the aliens have received aren't historical documents but rather a cheesy 80's Star Trek-like show that has transmitted across the galaxy. So obviously when they "beam up"* the crew aren't exactly the best suited people for the job.

*Last lame Star Trek reference I promise!

Review

Okay so it's essentially the same plot as the Three Amigos transported into space, but space and the Three Amigos are cool so what's the problem?

The thing I like about Galaxy Quest is that it's one of those smart, fun films that Hollywood occasionally plops out of its buttocks, wiping it up before anyone has really noticed that it done so in the first place. It's got all the CRASH, BANG, WALLOP! of a blockbuster, but at the same time it's parodying clunky sci-fi, mainly TV but movies can be counted too. A major criticism is that the parody doesn't go far enough. The cheesy original show is only tantalisingly touched and the crew learn how to adapt to really being in space a little too quickly.

But this is me griping about things that are easy to overlook. So many great things are in here, from the pig lizard's trip in the transporter, the rock monster (way better looking than those "guy in suit" efforts on Star Trek) and its lack of a weak spot and the great observational stuff about how ridiculous this stuff is through the fact that the aliens have designed the ship entirely by basing it on things shown on the show. Thanks to this there's an overly elaborate security system that the crew can't even navigate without help and a self destruct mechanism that brings a great spin on the old hitting the button just in time bit that I won't ruin.

Then there's the cast. To put it mildly they're perfect. Tim Allen channels his inner Shatner to become Jason Nesmith who plays the Captain of the ship and who outside the show has lost his self-awareness big time. His arrogance has led to his fellow cast hating him, and through the real mission realises the way to not only prove himself worthy of the Captain title, but to galvanise the crew/cast. Alan Rickman does his hammy thing as hammy ACTOR Alexander Dane, banished to a life as the ship's number two, forced to spout a catchphrase and wear silly forehead makeup. Of course worst of all is that he's forever in in Jason's shadow. Alexander's jealousy and disdain lead to some of the funniest one liners in the film ("I see you managed to get your shirt off", "oh, it's always about you") and his commitment to acting is something he forever throws in Jason's face (witness the scene with the rock monster where Alexander asks what its motivation is and then doubts Jason's commitment to the craft). Sigourney Weaver becomes the anti-Ripley by becoming blonde, a bimbo and all boobs, while Sam Rockwell almost steals the show from Rickman as Guy. Guy played an extra who died on the show and has ended up tagging along. For the most part he threats over the fact that he'll probably die for real as he's not a main character, a parody of the old Star Trek tradition of sending Kirk, Spock and a nobody down to the planet with one of them dieing. Guess who?

Galaxy Quest's flaws are mainly script based, the original draft was supposedly much darker, but they do not stop this from being a pretty great little comedy. It's smart, witty, the cast are universally excellent and although its target's an easy one, it does a good job of finding new ways to parody it. As I said it's one of those rare films that shows that just occasionally Hollywood entertainment doesn't need to mean loud and dumb.



The Top 100

Galaxy Quest is a (flawed) blast. It's great fun and it never fails to entertain me. That said I'd personally place it third on the list so far:

1. Hudsucker Proxy
2. Grosse Pointe Blank
3. Galaxy Quest

Futurama: The Beast With A Billion Backs

So here we are with the second of four feature length Futuramas which may or may not signal the end of Matt Groening's best creation (yeah I said it!). After the relative choppiness of the first, Bender's Big Score, it's pleasing to say that The Beast With A Billion Backs manages to do the four episodes-as-one thing a little more successfully.

Basically the best point about Beast is that it's less cluttered. Instead of chucking in four episodes worth of ideas it feels more like an actual movie. There are still issues of course. As I said, it feels more like a movie than Big Score, but it still plays like a TV show doubling up. Also there's a startling abandonment of anything and everything that happened in Big Score even though it follows directly on from that film. One of the major criticisms of the first film was that it appeared to reset what had happened at the end of the shows original run. It was easy to dismiss as time having passed and it being a necessity for the plot, especially as the first film having a Fry/Leila angle made sense as this was the primary storyline in the show. It's a little more difficult to forgive this time around.

Beast opens with the rift that opened at the end of Big Score still there but in the time between all the Fry/Leila stuff is again dumped purely so the first half can be about Fry's new girlfriend and the fact that she's a slapper. This is essentially a plot device to drive the rest of the story. Thankfully the second half gets it right. What starts out as your typical pod-people style sci-fi/horror takes an almighty twist when the real motivation of the beast from the rift is revealed. this leads to one of those wonderfully bizarre storylines that Futurama used to excel at. To reveal it would be unfair.

What is frustrating about Beast With A Billion Backs is that in many ways it's better than Bender's Big Score. As per usual the gags, both spoken and visual, are inspired and the invention of the people involved is an absolute joy. But thanks to an unevenness caused by the first half it still lacks something of the brilliance of the show at its peak. It's still great, and fans of Futurama should love it, but like Groening's other creation's attempt at feature length it somehow doesn't quite work. Maybe watching it split up like four episodes is the way to do it.

The Blockbuster Season Is Upon Us Part 2

Here we go with another round of shameless attempts by studios to get you to part with your cash. I'm just excited because it means a ton of popcorn personally. According to reports cinema audiences in the UK have plummeted, but it has come at a time when mainstream filmmaking has been genuinely brilliant. This year has already thrown up some crackers and this summer looks to be one of the best in recent memory if things live up to their pre-release hype.

Let's kick it off with one I personally cannot wait for as I love all things Pixar (even Cars, I know, I know):

Wall.E



I like how they've not really done this as epic crash, bang sci-fi or even as something that's being sold entirely to kids. The trailer's actually quite old-fashioned in the way the voice-over reveals the plot and characters. And those look fantastic. I admit to feeling slightly tearful at this and it's only a two minute advert. The cinema better be empty when i go to see it!

The Dark Knight



Now this is a bit more CRASH, BANG, WALLOP! After loving the first one 'm looking forward to this as well, even though the trailer left me a little indifferent. I suppose it's because it's pretty much run-of-the-mill action blockbuster fair and most of the stuff to actually get excited about (The Joker, Harvey Dent) were already revealed. Still this will be the finest film featuring a hunky man in tight black rubber this year, unless the porn industry gets a grip.

Hellboy the Golden Army



The same could be said for the Hellboy 2 trailer, not the black rubber bit obviously, but I found myself getting right into this one thanks to not having followed this in any way. The first one was good and by the looks of some of the creature designs Del Toro is doing his bit to help the studio's "from the visionary director of Pan's Labyrinth" speil. Basically it looks like imaginative, cheesy fun. So good then.

The James Bond Identity (Crisis)



Now I've never been a Bond fan in any big way, loved some of the better Roger moore ones when I was a kid and Goldeneye was good, though the N64 game was better. And with the Bourne franchise making Bond look as creaky jointed as something that old should be it was inevitable that Bond would begin to ape it, I'm sure I heard Judi Dench shout "find Bourne" at one point. Not necessarily a bad thing, but maybe not proper bond either. As I said not really a fan so I don't know if the loss of the cheesy charm is a bad thing for people who genuinely like it.

As I said this has been a good summer so far and there's some belters to come by the looks of it. Now if the weather would just play along this could be a great summer, damn you Scottish weather!

CT: Doomsday Machine

The movie featured in the first Cinematic Titanic, Brain Of Blood, renamed The Oozing Skull thanks to rights issues, was kinda rubbish. There I got that off of my chest. And yet it had something, chlamydia possibly but I digress. There was an air of creepiness, and a plot that given a bigger budget and more talented director, writer, actors, crew, catering, etc. could have been decent. The same cannot be said for Doomsday Machine.

Supposedly it's actually three different movies welded into one heap of shit, kind of like those cars they used to sell in private garages, the back was a jeep, the front a mini, that kind of thing. As such the opening features some Chinese people killing their own in an indiscriminate way so they can take pictures of a giant Tom Servo in a cage. Shamefully this appears to be movie number 1, and I say shamefully because if we'd stuck with it it may have been fun. In those first five minutes there's death and sneaking about buildings and photography. Oh and the coolest thing I've seen this year when the spy bird deals with a guard dog by throwing a live cat at it. Genius!

Sadly that's about it for super-cool Chinese cat murdering and on to the main section involving one of those sci-fi films where a crew go up into space, dodge some asteroids and then die one-by-one. There's sexual politice, Yank vs. Damn Ruskies, oh and the whole world dies while they're away, whoops. And if that gets really uninteresting for you just wait for the last ten minutes. Yes with ten minutes to go film number three strides in, trampling all that went before with staggering inaction and the ability to completely change the actors involved. Plus there's the wondrous decision to have a seen of tension acted out by two people behind blacked out helmets. Worryingly the 2001-like ending suggests sequel. Before you clench your bumcheeks so tight you fold inside out, it probably didn't happen. I say probably.

So the film's Manos bad, as pointed out by Frank in a recent blog post, but what of the riffing? It's good I'm happy to report. Everyone has clearly benefited from getting the first one out of the way and doing some live shows. There are still a few stilted readings of lines but you can forgive that when so much is good. They only do two of the stop movie skits and they both kind of go nowhere, but there is an opening scene that attempts to explain the premise this time.

So there's a lot to love, but the main danger of CT2 is that Doomsday Machine the movie may do a lot of people in. There's always been that fine line between great riffing and God-awful movie in all of the riffing projects and for some people the worse the movie the harder it is to enjoy the humour being mined from it. Thankfully I tend to enjoy the bleaker efforts, the Coleman Francis trilogy are personal favourites when riffed. Unriffed they actually killed the neighbours dog, they're that powerful. Doomsday machine may only finish off a goldfish unriffed, but that's not to be sniffed at. If you enjoy movies that can off pets and very funny people ripping it to shreds then Cinematic Titanic: Doomsday Machine is for you.

P.S. Those outside the U.S. may have had trouble getting the first Cinematic Titanic thanks to rights issues involving the film used but thankfully Doomsday Machine provides no such obstacle. You can get the DVD or download it here. Don't go to those arseholes on ebay, buy from the source people!

Machine Girl (yay!)

It came out on May 23rd in the USA according to IMDB. I have to see this, and after watching the trailer I'm sure you'll feel the same way!