Dracula Vs. Frankenstein (13 Days Of Hallowe'en)

Here's some of the Tweets in response to what surely is an over looked classic of the genre of men in bad make up pushing each other about films:



Hellboy!, and Salmond Rushdie!
Oh it's #DracVsFrank my bad
Looking forward to vampire vs. mad scientist action!
Or am I giving the makers too much credit in assuming they didn't just call the monster Frankenstein?
Looks like the inside of a Korg synth
I must say it's all very dramatic. Hope it can maintain the credit sequences level of excitement!
Very sunny looking moon
I vant to suck... oh never mind
Torgo's hat makes a cameo
Pete Townsend as Dracula!
Awfy bad midges this time of year!
Hello Cleveland! Rock And Roll!
Wait is this set in Siam?
She certainly don't travel light in the chest area, WOOT WOOT!
Lip synch a tad off there. Sound editor was obviously distracted!
TITILLATION! Low brow style!
By the way I apologise for the phalanx of Tweets during this! Phalanx is the correct term for a load of Twitter posts.
Music wasn't quite right for a scene about a missing person was it?
She finds corridors complicated
Also making sandwiches
And revolving doors
Tourists come to see the pushers and white slavery operators. They'd be disappointed otherwise!



Such a pretty face
David Lynch's worst role
It's a dark world in low budget films anyway. Lighting costs money!
Bloody hell there's a midget. Does every bad 70's film need a midget?
I'm guessing him enforcing the "you must be this high" is just cruelty on the managements part
Isn't that the name of the new Terry Gilliam film
Sage advice, you must open your eyes to see things.
Troll 2 level of monster make up
He looked better with the mask on
And we should all have green teeth
I'm just going to eat some beef Monster Munch, get in the mood
I'd gather he don't know a lot of things!
The Fuhrer!!!!!!!!
So he runs a ghost train to fund his research then?
Sorry just engrossed in his performance
Yeah cos scars are known for their disappearing qualities
Lucky cos she ain't awake yet
See I always had my suspicions about nightshift workers
He breathes heavier than James Gandolfini running a marathon
The wonder of cinematic effects ladies and gentlemen
He now looks a tiny bit different!
And try not to breathe



I really hope that mustachioed man and the wheelchair dude go at it!
Fight I mean, Christ you dirty bastards!
Dracula grew that mustache so he tickles his victim's necks when he bites them, softens the blow
There was a reflection
You have such an attractive neck
Oh here's the backstory, I always love vampires who deliver exposition instead of killing
Have you thought of switching your energy provider to Powergen?
He's starting to smell a bit
And so it all makes sense...no wait, it doesn't
He's so powerful he even has a magic ring
Sex = death
As does measured voiceover
The dubbing here is of Manos levels!
"That makes me so mad. You can't tell by the way I'm speaking..."
Oh looks like some social comment
That shirt says that that society really is at rock bottom
Sally Twinkletits is back.
I may have seen her standing closer to me than that. It's hard to say



Brave choice not to show his face
They're magic beans
"Make sure I get a damn cow in return baldy!"
he got that scar whilst shaving
First midgets and now a trip out scene. Yup it's a 70's low budget horror
In fact I should compile a list of stuff to tick off
Midgets, trip out scenes, dodgy mustaches, the general air of sleaze...
Oh and eye candy as tasty as a regurgitated Fruit N Nut bar
he also cut himself shaving
Looks like they left him sitting too close to the electric fire
Face has went a bit pizza-like
Oh good more exposition
Bugger not a born again Christian. Those people just bore me!
My primary school in the 80's had better tech set up than this tube
We can't show you the comet obviously...
Is Dracula going to steal the "It's alive " line?
That would just be discriminating against the disabled that
New borns always look ugly covered in all that stuff
The monster's got the best hairdo of anyone in this so far!
And master of the Boogaloo
Did he just call him Dr. Dong?
Not to his face obviously
But he now has real grip action



Right let's get going with part 5 of the most titanic struggle since Jack Straw attempted to open a bottle of broon sauce
Tight white trousers and a necklace made of teeth. Ladies your dessert has arrived
Let me guess Joanie's the scar necked chick
He's strange, unlike me with my ensemble and you with that hair
I'm thinking his aftershave will blank any fresh air getting to her lungs
My dream in life, to take a deep breathe
Oh she'd fancy Nick Griffin then
Had to get my own social comment in, sorry
An elongated toe.she'd make a killing with the midget as an agent
Rule number 2: youhave to openyour eyes to be able to see
Maybe he got stuck down the toilet
He'll be rolling about somewhere
He's hell on wheels
But you'll need to squint to see her in it
Ah so he treats her like a dog
Crosby, Stills and Nash terrorise the seafront
Wait is it her or him they fancy?
Maybe it's just his stripey trousers



Right where were we plot wise? Eh... I'd be saying that even if there wasn't a two hour break!
Is her hair taking on a life of it's own? It'll take out Dracula and Frankenstein at this rate!
And toothy
Ah the ocean's a visual metaphor for wetness. Not her, he's a drip.
They're not going to meld her with a puppy are they? Shiteist werewolf ever!
Ah so all of this is so he can arrange an orgy
I'm starting to react pretty similarly to this film, and I too may need to inject something to get through it
Ah so this is the first attempt at a live action Scooby Doo film



Let's go, let's hope we get the #DracVsFrank fight soon as this undercard sucks!
Really shouldn't have listened to the cliched horror score station
Not the face, my beautiful face!
She also got tired trying to balance that tonne weight of hair on her head
Yup, right under the toilets
Well human collector still isn't as freaky as most Star Trek fans
Do you know what? I think this is a perfect example of Cinema Verite. That is if they were trying to depict purgatory
The low rent Elliott Gould, John Ritter and that bloke from the West Wing
Sounded like a Chaney in the wild, collecting humans
She dropped her cough sweets?
Side note, midgets don't make good security
He wants to see his penis?



On with part 8 of #DracVsFrank though so far it's been more Dracula Vs his setof clippers Dr Frankenstein vs stairs and Chaney vs my stomach
Tight white trousers, it's what all the spies were wearing in the 70's
I want to put your head on a woman's body
Remember the Lon Chaney action figure? it had real sweating action.
Yes you've got blonde hair all over you and she's got teeth marks on her tits
Oh the irony, he was one day from retiring to a hut in the woods where he was going to become a lumberjack
This guys diving about more than Aiden McGeady at a swimming pool
And Dracula's through all this is trying to shave his mustache only he's struggling with the mirror
Mighty convenient of the town planners to have pointed those spotlights at that roof like that.
Borat does hypnotism
So Dracula's well known for his curly hair isn't he?



And on with part 9 of #DracVsFrank and at least Zander Vorkov's back as he just lights up the screen with his magnetic charm
So she fears bungee jumping right, because of what it would do to her hair
Living vampires, so emo kids then
And it's the main event!
And it's over, kind of like that time Mike Tyson fought at Hampden Park
Imagine how the coroner's going to react when he tries to identify him by the teeth they find...
"Well it appears he was a half shark half douche hybrid"
Fuck me there's some intense hair styling going on in this scene
Ahh, Dracula looks terrifying! Mainly because he looks like a mime!
"Dibs"
Anyone else wishing for them just to have a Yo Mamma contest instead of this shoving match
OH MY GOD! Sorry just realised I broke 600 tweets ages back there.



#DracVsFrank, who will win? Does anyone care?
And we're off. I think the most important question, was it those white trousers being highly flammable that killed tooth guy?
Not since the Robot Vs. The Aztec Mummy has there been such a great screen smackdown
I still like this better than Transformers 2. Better characters and it's less confusing
That was just incase you were watching this genre film and didn't know what kills vampires.
He looks like Wayne Coyne from The Flaming Lips now
Well they say Dracula can transform into anything he wants
Chesty McGhee flashes back to stuff we've just seen
This movie was so good it shows you it twice!
That edited down version was well better!
"Or is it?"

Final thoughts:

Well that's that over with. Sorry about the break in the middle but I had fun ripping this piece of chuff and that's what counts
Sorry for the swathe of Tweets but the hairdos needed mocking. And what was shark teeth boy's deal? And why were a musical ...
... supergroup terrorising the town? And who thinks it's a good idea to have a midget watch your door for you? Well at least...
... it raised some issues unlike many of today's films. So with that I shall retire. Goodnight!