CT 7: Blood Of The Vampires

See how all those Emo/Goth twats are pure into vampire films and books and stuff? Well if you know one and are a bit worried show them Blood Of The Vampires. Their bloodsucking obsession'll be killed off in an instant, such is the badness on display in this movie. It was shot in The Philippines but is set in 1920's Mexico, features an awful dub job (as Josh says in the episode intro you know you're in trouble when English is the movie's third language), and a number of actors in "black-face" make up a la Al Jolson. Frankly any sense of cool that Twilight and the like may have built up for those bothered by the sun is wiped out completely by this turd of a movie.

It's fair play to the Cinematic Titanic crowd that they even have a go at making it funny, since as much as a Filipino vampire movie set in Mexico sounds like a blast it's actually all rather dull. It's mainly all talking, which is bad enough at the best of times but when the dubbing's laughably out of sync it's torture. The "action", and even with the use of ironic quotation marks I use that word loosely, involves an old bloke dieing of heart disease whipping a ropey old bird with fangs, lot's of "ooo, isn't this heavy?" acting involving some chest-of-drawers with a painting on top of it and scenes that involve absolutely no tension thanks to the director's apparent inability to stage a shock/fight/chase. They can't even get the music queues to come in at the right time for Christ's sake!

Of course as much as all of this kills a movie that's standing alone, when there's riffing involved it's like hundreds of little gifts sent from God himself. The Titans appear to be in a particularly giddy mood throughout this one and the riffing is loose and fast. Gone is the stiffness that plagued, though thankfully didn't ruin, the earlier episodes as it's clear the guys are now completely at ease with not only performing but with each other. There are numerous occasions when the others laugh at a riff performed by one of them, and a lot of it seems to come from the energised performance. In fact many of the riffs' comedic value is multiplied thanks to the delivery. Special mention has to go to Trace in this one, he's at the absolute top of his game throughout.

All in all this is another good offering from Cinematic Titanic that comes recommended. The movie's a bit turgid meaning that this might not be the best intro for the uninitiated but the riffing is strong and the performances from the Titans are tip-top. It's worth seeing for all the black-face riffs alone, especially one from Josh where the actor's character slips. Plus without knowing they're doing their bit to save the world's teenagers from the cult that is Twilight. For that alone we should thank them for bringing us Blood Of The Vampires.

You can buy the DVD or download the episode here. Do it and save a Goth.