Splice Movies T.W.A.T.

Weekend Movies T.W.A.T. 6th - 8th March 09

T.W.A.T. means to watch avec telly. This is the Spice Guide to whats on telly thats filmy. Read it and post some comments, what you watched, what you didnt, tell me to stop posting thins crap, your choice.

Avec means "with" i know that but rather than "on" and make it T.W.O.T. its T.W.A.T. cos its aesthetically more pleasing.Another weekend has rolled itself around so here is where to find out what is coming up on the telly if your staying in. Or rather you could probably check the papers too, they have the tv listings, yeah! But it doesnt have the same spin on it you will read here so forget the national press and read on.

Friday 6th Mar 09

Get this one in your diaries, QI, the quiz show with Stephen Fry is on tonight in its regular 9pm slot and this week since its series F the subject is film! Hooray! Prepare to be astounded. Also worth look is Friday Night with Johnathan Ross as his guest is Michael C Hall who is magnificent in both Dexter and Six Feet Under. Right enough straight telly talk, whats the films on offer i hear you cry. The answer; Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights. Well you asked for it. For what its worth this film is pure tripe, but i am sure you either already know that or can make an educated guess. Its 11.40 if you need to see it. Five minutes earlier over on cash strapped ITV Empire is on, the guy that played Luigi in the Super Mario Bros film is in it, it might be alright actually.

9pm on Sky3 sees movie time in the shape of Infected. This has the year in brackets beside it and the year is 2008 meaning only one thing; this is some piece of straight to video guff! Saving grace? Judd Nelson is in it. John Bender as i live and breath. 10pm however could leave you in a quandry as some bonefide stoaters duke it out plus a Jim Bond one on ITV4. The titans about to clash are more4 with Patriot Games, a decent action thriller, e4 with the simply stunning Zoolander and ITV3 with a all time lazy Sunday favourite of mine Overboard. Ultimately its your decision but if i was to sway you it would be toward Kurt Russell essentially kidnapping Goldie Hawn to teach her a lesson in Overboard. Marvel at how this almost seemed like the right thing to do but would be Daily Mailed to death if it was remade!

Saturday 7th Mar 09

England get the FA cup on this fine Saturday afternoon, while in Scotland we get The Rare Breed, a 1966 film starring James Stewart about cows and bulls and that. Nice. So thats 12noon for us Scots, stick it in your diaries. Five has a cult classic at 3.20, Who’s Harry Crumb? An often overlooked piece of John Candy’s canon much like the similarly great What About Bob? form Bill Murray’s. WAB isn’t on though incase your confused, WHC is. In the evening the late BBC1 movie is Ladder 49 which is about firemen and is probably polished enough and not use up any real energy to watch so in essence a perfect late night flick. Channel4 has A Man Apart which is much the same as Ladder 49 in spirit but with Vin Diesel. BBC2 are showing something a bit left field though (as they tend to do on a Saturday gladly) A Prairie Home Companion I dont remember making a huge splash in the UK but the cast looks solid and its a comedy about a radio station so i think i will give it a try. 11.15.

ITV3 are getting another look in for showing 80’s forgotten nuggets, this time its the Michael J Fox one The Secret of my Success, to remind you, its the one where he pumps his aunt without knowing its his aunt and orchestrates the couple throught he wall shagging. 2.45 in the afternoon. At night its a battle between big fat steaming piles of garbage BBC3 has The Lake House, ITV3; The Guru (shame on you ITV3 after me praising you to the hilt) five USA; Fortress. Allon at times between 9 and 10 pm. Guff the lot of them. Virgin1 however have a classic to save the night. Rain Man. 9pm.

Sunday 8th Mar 09

I like to describe myself as ambidextrous when it comes to my film comedy, I love a sly piece of satire as much as the next man, but i also dont turn my nose up at stuff which should only be funny to 12 year old boys and with that in mind i implore you to watch The Benchwarmers at half 6 on five. Its a hoot, the only downside i felt was John Heder who i think actually really irritates me, maybe because i never really got napoleon Dynamite? I dont know, but this Benchwarmers thing is worth a watch. On C4 later is another sports based movie (Benchwarmers is baseball) this time is football or since its an American film, Soccer. She’s the Man sees a soccer mad chick dress up as a guy to play fitba only to fall in love with a teammate who thinks she is a guy and have a burd fall in love with her thinking she is a guy. Oh aye, the guy that he/she fancies actually fancies the burd who fancies the he/she. Clear as mud. A love triangle with fitba. Its a chick flick (horrible horrible phrase) but Amanda Bynes is a wee cracker so we’ll maybe have a wee peek. After that C4 have another film, Elizabethtown, the Cameron Crowe film thats not quite as famous as his others. BBC1’s late movie is Deathtrap, an old film starring Michael Caine and Christopher Reeve, Michael Caine films are a troubling breed, i actually have no idea where this one fits into the pantheon but i thought i would flag it regardless.

If you get up rather early due to a hangover and switch on ITV3 at 10am you can watch To Kill a Mockingbird, thats alright isn’t it, not often you get that as a treat. Moving on through the afternoon, 1pm on film4 can show you why i dont get Napoleon Dynamite as its on! this is actually a good idea to watch if you plan on seeing Benchwarmers because if i recall its because he seems to just play John Heder playing Napoleon Dynamite playing whatever character is in the particular film and that irritates me. Anyway, two hours free after it finishes so make your dinner cos at 5pm on fiveUSA has The Medallion which is a Jackie Chan American vehicle and 7pm on BBC3 has Meet the Parents which is funny. This Sunday is shaping up nicely and now you have an hour to get a shower and prepare yourself for the night shift, which comprises of Lock Up on ITV4 (10pm) (Sly Stallone in the prison one which isnt Tango and Cash) and then if you turn over to Dave while the credits come up you wont miss any of Dark Angel starring Dolph Lundgren which starts at 10 past 12. Now with all that taken in over the course of a Sunday you will have plenty and i mean plenty to talk about at your work come Monday. No need to thank me.