Splice Advent Calender 2009: Day 6

Another hopefully inappropriate film for you to watch with your family this Christmas, it's Die Hard:



A slam dunk eh? Violence, swearing and a middle age man covered in shit wearing only a vest. Not very Christmassy. Well it isn't for most people. That could easily be a description of most Xmas dinners 'round oor way. The hope then is that it doesn't give your family warm, fuzzy feelings of all being together, but rather disgusts them and they all piss off leaving you to mouth every word, because let's be honest if you're a male and you don't know every line of Die Hard you should be castrated. But that only works if Xmas dinner goes smoothly in your house, and how often does that happen? Instead Die Hard will present itself as a perfect little piece of the hell that is the twenty fifth day of December.

And even if this isn't your family's idea of Xmas fare they may not leave you alone to watch it anyway. Any male will end up watching it with you. The kids'll love all the explosions and the illicit thrill of all the language. Mum'll probably fancy Alan Rickman (damn you for being so handsome!) or ol' Brucie boy.

Even Granny won't be put off if she's a certain vintage. The sight of a bunch of Germans getting shot to bits'll probably be her cup of tea.

So Die Hard, a great film, but an utter failure at getting you any peace this festive season.

Splice Advent Calendar 2009: And Behind Door Number Five Is.........

Joe Pesci



What a photo eh? Found it on flickr, which i am starting to think is a great place to pick up photos for Splice.

edit (the photos that i describe above isnt exactly the photo i have used, the original photo which the above describes wouldnt upload for some reason so here is the link to find it yourself, sorry.)

Anyways, Joe Pesci is behind door three because a friend of mine on facebook put a link up to a youtube video which he is the star, there is also a second part to it which i have put up also. Its a bit of a fanmade re edit of one of the quintessential christmas films; Home Alone.

Of course bits of it are dead obvious, but others are inspired. Worth a watch at the very least.

Splice Advent Calender 2009: Day 4

Christmas sees the second blockbuster season, the time for the big fantasy films like your Lord Of The Rings, your Narnias, your Harry Potters and so on and so on...

Sadly all the fantasy you're getting this year is New Moon, the latest in the Twilight "saga". It features vampires who break into your room while you're sleeping and proceed to watch you sleep instead of eating you.

Now that is fantasy!

This is a far better version of the "nice monster for Christmas" theme, with nary a teenage wibble in sight:


(Looks like an advert for a foreign satellite TV company)

Splice Advent Calendar 2009: And Behind Door Number Three Is.........

Dan Finnerty



You may know this guy from him and his bands star turns in Old School and The Hangover when they played the wedding band in both movies and added their own twist to some classic covers.

I actually saw them in a live show during the summer and they are good, a good laugh anyway.

This Christmas they are hawking a Christmas album with all original material, in no way am i encouraging anyone to buy it, i would mind you encourage you to watch this video, which is a for a song off the album.

"THE CHRISTMAS FLIP FLOP" by THE DAN BAND - watch more funny videos

Splice Advent Calender 2009: Day 2

Right, one of the things I'm looking to do for the advent calender is have a look at some Xmas films for you to watch on the big day, think it's someone's birthday or something. But I'm taking a "Bah Humbug" approach to Xmas films and so I'm rating them by how inappropriate they are to watch with your family, thus if you slap it on you'll get some bloody peace.

First up is an obvious "Bah Humbuggy" film, Scrooged starring Bill Murray as Bill Murray in a modern, well 80's, take on Dickens' A Christmas Carol. It's a story done so many times that they've now taken to doing it in 3D to make it look fresh.

So why is Scrooged an obvious choice? Well it opens with this:



Pretty humbuggy, eh? It's also quite gross featuring Marley's ghost as a rotting corpse who dispenses of the golfball that killed him through a flap in his head, a drink with accompanying eyeball and David Johansen's face. Whoever had the idea to get the lead singer of the New York Dolls to play the Ghost of Christmas Past really wanted your kids to have nightmares!

So it's a perfect choice to get rid of your family for the rest of the day isn't it? Well, no. This being a take on The Christmas Carol means that for all the ick factor it's also about someone finding the "spirit of Christmas" which to me is whiskey. Sadly that's not the conclusion of the tale, it's about loving each other or something:



Yeah, I know. It's a great speech and a bloody brilliant song. Plus Murray at his Murrayist. In any other context this would be fantastic, but not here. This scene proves that for all its Humbuggery exterior Scrooged is far too nice and your family will ultimately be brought together by it.

So Scrooged fails as a "Bah Humbug" Christmas movie. And it was so close too.

Splice Advent Calendar 2009: And Behind Door Number One Is.........

Darth Vader



Yes, its that time of year when the perfume and aftershave companies, as well as those greedy ones who manufacture both, roll out some adverts that are shown ad naseum on our TV screens for the next month.

Lord Vader has a long history with adverts, David Prowse and his road safety ads, and James earl Jones has lent his voice to many a commercial over the years.

The connection?

Well this year we have Hayden Christensen collecting cash from Lacoste for starring in their newest ad campaign. Enjoy.

Splice Advent Calender Starts Tomorrow

What that there title above said:

St. Andrew's Day

Wahay it's the day we Scots don't bother to celebrate in cheap and tacky ways like a certain bunch of fellow Celts. Scottish film's a bit miserable, though, ain't it. I've made my own thoughts clear on the general state of the Scottish film industry a few times here so bugger the negativity and let's look back to a time when we seemed to do things a lot, well, nicer:



Let's make more stuff like Local Hero eh? Tae hell with this misery ridden shite. Here's a wee documentary available on Vimeo by a bloke named Kenny Parker that addresses this issue and it's well worth a watch:

Visual dissertation - Why are Scottish films so miserable? from Kenny Parker on Vimeo.

I don't know what's up with me, maybe it's the impending festive period, but I want cheerier stuff to help balance Scottish film's output. Come on Scotland let's cheer up!

Time Lapse Photography

Splice loves certain things more than others. Movies is in there. Football is in there. Baseball is also in there, and let me just say this the lesser known love of (maybe just this splice blogger) is time lapse photography. Just cant get enough of it. Al those ones on like hige super motorways which see the sun coming up and setting and all the car lights for example. Love it.

Which brings me to this, which is time lapse photography but also incorporates baseball. But like this its cinema right?

World Series Time-Lapse by Robert Caplin from Robert Caplin on Vimeo.

It plays like an old Russian montage film which probably is the point.

I like it.

Great* Lines From The Movies *Interpretations of "great" may differ from mines, Part 9

"O, Lord! O, Jesus Christ!"

Sergeant Howie, The Wicker Man

Rest ye well Mr. Woodward