Saviour

So I was watching Terminator 3 the other night, Big Red's one word review: pish, and it got me thinking about the second, far better film. In particular it got me thinking about the scenario involving the young John Connor. You know, the idea of someone appearing and telling you that you are the saviour of all mankind. It happens in movies, TV and everything else all the time. Think of all the fictional characters that have faced this situation; Superman, Jesus, Clark Kent, Superman...

My problem lies in the fact that these people depicted as our saviours are all in peek physical condition. Not one of them, not knowing their destiny, just let themselves go and indulged on a few too many doughnuts. Obviously if one was in poor shape it wouldn't make for a great film, I know that I can run about 25 metres before I just fall down, my body refusing to move anymore in case it actually experiences the sensation of exercise. If ol' Johnny boy Connor were in the same state as I that first big chase scene would have ended after less than thirty seconds thanks to the combination of the target being slow moving and larger. That and after 25 metres of running from T-1000 he would have dropped to the ground and curled up like a hedgehog because his asthma had kicked in. T2 would have been a short, bad movie. Still that scenario still sounds better than the shitefest third installment.

I'm not saying that tomorrow a robot from the future will approach me to say that I am mankind's last great hope and that I should hit the gym, but be warned. Just like Bruce Willis in Unbreakable I've never broken a bone. That's not to say if you shut my finger in a door it won't hurt like that time my sister shut my finger in a door, with great force creating a huge dent. Thankfully it healed 14 years later, but my point is it didn't break! Until I've plunged into a swimming pool covered in that plastic crap and not survived I'm going to ignore the naysayers who believe I just might not be the greatest thing this world has ever known. All I can say is, if I'm right and I do have to save youall from some robot uprising, you're all fucked!