Fantastic 4 - Rise of the Silver Surfer

Looks guid din't it?

Only joking, that's the trailer to the 1994 Corman unreleased shitfest here's the real trailer:



It's summer, so I've been told, it's been pishing it down, and thus the blockbuster season is upon us. My mates suggested going to see the new Fantastic Four film for a bit of a laugh and I thought "why not? It'll get me in the mindset for the silly season where cinema turns it's brain off and blows shit up in new, entertaining ways! And hey, it'll be worth it to see Alba's breasts jiggle about and that bloke with the same name as that prick who made it so hard to be ginger in Britain during the nineties!" Two films caused my lack of expectation for this one. The first was the original Fantastic Four, not the Corman one, as it was about as entertaining as scraping a pencil sharpener blade along your scrotum, and the Corman one was worse! The other was Spidey 3 which had been a bit of a disappointment, I'll review it once the DVD comes out. The idea of a comic book movie sequel to a film that wasn't that great following a poor installment of the best series of the sub-genre wasn't exactly filling me with happy juice. How wrong could I have been?

Turns out Fantastic 2's a bit of a belter. It has it's flaws but it does something that comic book movie makers have forgotten to do: have fun. Sure all of those heroes can have some angst ridden back story or serious subtext, nothing wrong with that, but sometimes instead of that third conversation between the hero and his elderly aunt you just want them to act goofy and use their powers to fight whatever big nasty has appeared this time in some spectacular set-piece. And Fanny 2 delivers. The set pieces are great, all stretchy, fly-y and big. They put Spidey's cluttered four-way fumbles to shame thanks to a clarity on the part of the director and writers. The group all have a certain power and so here's a set piece that involves them all needing to use each one, but with the added twist of Johnny's acquirement of the gift, or curse, of being able to swap powers by touching his teammates.

This is also used to great comic effect. The movie's pretty funny, with a sort of juvenile humour stretching through most of it, normally at the expense of the hero's powers. Ignore the old family movie stand-by of the dancing in a club, it's not that long and ol' what's his face Welsh bloke can certainly move. Or maybe those were special effects. Yes the old special effects point of the review. It's a comic book movie so the thing's gonna be sodden with them. Fandango 2's are pretty damn excellent for the most part, with all of the heroes, Stretchy Boyo, Invisible Bird, Man On Fire and The Human Turd all benefiting. the best of the lot though is reserved for the best character.

The Silver Surfer is here, movie execs are probably the most excited by that, but he looks the part. Gone is the whiter than a Fairy Liquid user's dishes look and in is the T-1000 liquid metal stuff that was done for the first time 16 years ago but dammit it looks good so we're gonna roll it out once again look. And it works. I still say James Earl Jones should have played him, no matter the timbre of Larry Fishburne's voice, Darth Mufasa can cause ejaculation thanks to the rumble caused in the theatre. Almost as impressive is Galactus, look out for him/her/it passing the rings of Saturn, as he/she/it bares down on Earth.

Performance-wise, Welsh bloke's still forgettable, Alba's still just a decently pretty face and the bloke from Nip/Tuck is still the bloke from Nip/Tuck, I'll leave it up to you if that's likable or not. Chris Evans and Michael Chicklis are excellent though, the former being very easy to hate for oozing all that charisma over your new wood floors, until you realise that it's not that that you hate, it's the fact he makes you so jealous for being so damn good looking that he can get away with it, the jammy bastard. The latter has the hardest job in the the movie for my money, avoiding any reflective surface so as to avoid seeing how stupid he looks. Still, he's clearly having a bawl and that's all that's important.

Fanboy 2's well worth popping along to see as long as you don't expect miracles. The plot's guff and the dialogue's corny plus if you have an aversion to SFX there may onlybe about a second of this you can stand. If, on the other hand, Spidey left you a bit cold and you need something big and brash to help set your brain to blockbuster mode then this is well worth a shout. Far better than it had any right to be.