The show Friends is a bit of a behemouth really, it was huge for a time and still gets plenty of people watching it if it is on. its one of those great shows that can be watched out of sequence easily. Its maybe the best background white noise ever. Over the course of its ten (?) seasons (series'!!!!!!!!!!) the characters evolved but mostly devolved. Watching now its all over its sad how retarded Joey got, Phoebe got really irritating, Monica too. But Ross, good old Ross got better and better for some reason. Agree?
But enough of a Friends retrspective, advent calendar is about Christmas so here in three parts is the best Friends christmas episode from the last decade. Still funny. In fact there was a guy i worked with who had almost memorised the three way exchange of Ross, Chandler and Joey dressed up. This may sound pathetic but its surprising how relaxing and soothing it can be to hear Friends regurgitated in the basement workplace.
On with another Xmas film your family should hate you for this holiday, the subject of a Splice Live Tweet-a-thon or whatever, Hulk Hogan's Santa With Muscles:
If you're of a certain vintage the Hulkster will be something of a hero to you. On the wrestling he used to bash the bad guys and go mental in interviews so as a kid you loved him. And as such you then dragged your parents to see movies starring him. That meant those poor sods sitting through Suburban Commando and Mr. Nanny. They'd be thankful then that the third of this unholy triumvirate, Santa With Muscles, never made it to these shores.
But what about now? I have to admit to slightly enjoying watching this, but it seems that was a result of the nostalgia it thrust into my mind area rather than any quality on show. It reminded me of those trips to the pictures when I was a wee kid.
Sadly your parents may react the same way. Where you're looking for them to run screaming in horror at the idea of another Hulk kids movie they may get all fuzzy remembering you as a wee tubby munchkin spilling your popcorn and getting your face covered in ice cream.
The kids'll hate it though. Because kids just aren't that stupid. And by stupid I mean they're not old enough to wallow in nostalgia yet.
So this time next week we will know if Avatar is all its cracked up to be. Some critics have seen it, not these critics mind you, but I personally havent read them, I think I will try go with an open mind.
Is it really is make or break for Hollywood with this whole 3D thing? A few films have came out over the last year or so with mixed reviews. I think everything has been geared up for this release. If this flops badly it could set Hollywood back a mile, all studios will have a slew of 3D films to release no doubt and they could all get canned if Avatar kills it off in one messy weekend!
We wait with baited breathe.
I tend to think 3D is just a gimmick, i think it offers nothing to the cinema experience, if you notice and enjoy the 3D effect then the film obviously isnt drawing you in enough, and if you dont notice it because the film is so well made and enthralling then whats the point of having it in 3D? Am i wrong?
Could it be that 3D is just a tool to try drive down the pirating trade and the internet downloading craze and put folks back into the cinemas? That may be just cynical.
As i say, this time next week we will have a better idea what the Holywood horizon will look like, but here is a video leaked to the Splice offices that may shed some light on Camerons hopes and dreams for his return to the big screen.
Yeah we're watching this on Youtube at 10pm UK time:
We're going to have a live Twitter session and if you're a mate with either of us on Facebook we're going to create a wall post there too. Come join us in watching Hulk Hogan as a bearded basher of bad guys in Santa With Muscles. The entire film in ten parts can be found here.
Right, let's bang these inappropriate Xmas films up a notch with a kids film so abysmal that if you show it to your own tykes they'll stab you in the face, one of the worst films ever made, Santa And The Ice Cream Bunny:
(That's the whole damn movie in ten parts if you're brave enough to attempt to watch it!)
Now many films claim to be the worst ever made. Alright, they don't claim it, but those who have had the misfortune of having seen them do. Santa And The Ice Cream Bunny is a fair shout for the title though. It's easily up there (or is that down?) with films like Manos: The Hands Of Fate, The Creeping Terror, Monster-A-Go-Go, the Coleman Francis Trilogy, Maniac or Batman And Robin. It makes the most famous claimants to the title, Plan 9 From Outer Space and The Room, look like coherent, well made works.
It really is a fucking mess. Two movies spliced together to make one it sees Santa get stuck in Florida and so after twenty minutes of pissing about with animals and kids, yeah, really, he decides to give up with the escape and tell the kids trying to help him the story of Thumbelina. Said story is another poorly made film from a few years previously that's also a musical. Of course that raises the question; is Santa singing to the kids as he recants the tale? Anyway this Thumbelina's not so tiny in a certain chest department and that's really all there is to say.
Just as your head's ready to implode Santa finishes his tale and the titular Ice Cream Bunny, a mangy suit with a twat inside, turns up and doesn't give out ice cream, he just freaks everyone out. Oh and there's loads of footage of Pirate World, the theme park it was shot in just to pad the thing out to over ninety minutes. That's right it only actually lasts an hour and a half, no matter how long it seemed to last.
Santa And The Ice Cream Bunny really has to be seen to be believed but should never be viewed by anyone. Just continue not to believe me. It will most certainly scare your family so they leave you alone this Christmas but you might not be able to live with yourself for having exposed them to this. It's your call.
Yes, like Maurice Mickelwhite, he is known in acting circles by another name, yes its Hulk Hogan.
And the photo is actually the front cover of his new book which he is peddling like a madman at the moment to get some sales for Christmas. One such plugging session actually takes palce today and of you go to www.edge.ca and go listen live arounf 3pm UK time (8am ET) you should hear his appearance on the Dean Blundell breakfast show. Its a pretty good show actually, except for all the adverts. Those guys are close to the bone and should give Hogan a roasting.
But also......
This wee present in the splice advent calendar is just to give any readers a little heads up for the simul-watch-atweet-book (copyrighted by my good self) event that we are hoping to pull off on Thursday night. around 10pm that night we will attempt to watch Hulk Hogans effort in the Christmas Movie canon Santa With Muscles. The plan is for us all to start watching at the same time and and add tweets or post thoughts on a facebook wall post (whichever is your social networking poison) and have a bit of banter back and forth about it.
Oh and if your thinking "oh no, i really really really want to do this but i havent a copy of the movie" fear not. its all available on you tube in easy to swallow small chunks.
More info on what to tweet to and also where to post your facebook comments (you may have to become a facebook buddy of Big Red to do so) will come tomorrow in the splice advent calendar as well as links to the movie. Hopefully it goes well. Heres a trailer to whet the appettite.
Oh yeah, did i mention that it looks utter garbage?
And, Maurice Mickelwhite is Michael Caine. Shame on anyone who didnt know.
You may be asking yourself who is Gabby Hayes, and frankly, i dont blame you. I know of Gabby Hayes for the oddest of reasons. When I worked as a barman in a local Bowling Club there was one member who called another member Gabby Hayes as he felt that he looked like him. So event hough i had no idea what Gabby Hayes looked like, it was a name which has stuck with me until this month when i did some searching and found some photos, then did some more and found the gem of a pic that i posted above.
Gabby Hayes is a movies star of yesteryear and starred in old westerns, which is a genre which is pretty much disregarded on Splice (maybe worth addressing this in the new year), and all in all has 192 film credits to his name. Well according to the bible that is imdb he does.
The reason he features in this the Splice advent calendar for all things festive and Christmassy is that what is invariably in your stocking come Xmas? A calendar! And what sort of calendar do you usually get? Hollyoaks babes? Jackie Degg? The Manchester United one where the players featuring in the months of october and November have been sold in the July? All decent enough choices but what about treating the movie lover amongst you to one of these:
http://dvdcalendars.com/
If your not wishing to click on links, what it is see, is five calendars. And each month of the calendar features the poster for a movie of a bygone age of a particular genre. And in this bundle of lovely posters to see you throught he year is four DVD's featuring 3 movies each and for nayone missing the point of where im going, yes its the twelve movies of which there are posters!
There is classic Sci-Fi featuring gems like Teenagers From Outer Space. The Amazing Transparent Man, Metropolis, The Giant Leeches and The Wasp Woman. There is Classic Horror featuring White Zombie and Dementia 13 oh you get the idea, there is also calendars of Musical classics, romance ones and Western ones! And thats where Gabby comes into it, I think the Western one would be my pick.
So there you have it, the perfect Christmas gift.
And one last thing. yes he looks very much like Gabby Hayes after all. Who'd of thunk it.
