Its finally here!
Lets kick off back at the beginning, at the turn of the year on this site I started making promises of what I was going to do, Greenlit in January, March etc it was called where I outlined what I had in store for the site that month, well I regularly never lived up to my billing but one thing I did say was that I was going to make a conscious effort to take in more new releases than I usually do, with 26 or so that equates to one a fortnight so I cant be accused of slacking, that’s a big undertaking for me! So here we go, a review of the year, my top ten plus whatever else I seen. (top ten rating in brackets)
January
Walk Hard: the Dewey Cox Story
Funny, some good jokes about the limited perils of drug use and best use of a flaccid male member I saw all year. This would probably have been far better received I feel if it weren’t for films like superhero movie and epic movie killing a the parody movie. Walk Hard is in the Hot Shots! mould.
(5) No Country For Old Men
Bloody loved this, it won the best film Oscar, rightly or wrongly, and since has been derided as the film that shouldn’t have won. Regardless, if its merely the second best film then its still amazing. Brilliant baddie, great goodie and Tommy Lee Jones make this a belter. More inches of arts sections of newspapers and movie magazines were dedicated to Javier Bardem’s excellent haircut and even better performance but Josh Brolins was excellent and kickstarted what could be a excellent man actor career. I think anyway. Oh if you didn’t know Brolin was the big brother with the head band in the Goonies. The Coens have rediscovered it but bearing in mind I never thought they lost it its good news all round. Sweeney Todd
Pretty damn good actually, singing and eating folk make happy bed partners. Can’t believe i had long hair for as long as i did however and i never experimented with a snazzy white stripe.
February (4) There Will Be Blood
Not much talking for half an hour and Daniel Day Lewis is mesmerising. I could stop there. I wont, I thought this was excellent, really and truly excellent. Imdb is a wonderful device as when you see a face that looks familiar or a decent performance you get his name off the credits and find out where you know him from. Paul Dano’s performance was shat on a bit but in the shadow of DDL (is this acronym actually used?) anyone would pale in comparison, but I thought it was really rather ace, so I flung his moniker into the movie database and hey presto he was the porn obsessed plooky wee nugget from Girl Next Door (an actually gem of a movie) who woulda thunk it? Back to There Will Be Blood it builds terrifically to a conclusion. The rise and fall of a megalomaniac, a critique on the American Dream, DDL, a view on capitalism, Paul Thomas Anderson masterpiece, whatever way you want to remember and cherish it is fine by me. Personally? “Drainage! Drainage, Eli, you boy. Drained dry. I'm so sorry. Here, if you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw. There it is, that's a straw, you see? You watching?. And my straw reaches acroooooooss the room, and starts to drink your milkshake... I... drink... your... Milkshake!” does it for me.
Jumper
If there is a sequel to this it could be good as this is a decent idea I thought, on its own though its clunky and a bit pointless. Some decent effects and a crazy Sam Jackson. It all feels like a set up movie though.
The Bank Job
I like Jason Statham and I thought Ashes to Ashes was ok (actually I though it was pretty mince but Keeley Hawes was awesome to look at), this melds both together and is alright actually. Quite playful to begin with then a guy gets his socks blowtorched off in it, jarring change of pace of the year contender.
March
Vantage Point
A good idea stolen from Boomtown which was cruelly cancelled a few years ago. The pairing of Donny Whalberg and Bubba from Forrest Gump was what it was all about in my opinion, enough about Boomtown though, Vantage Point is no bad, Quaid shines, Matthew Fox simpers though, back to Lost for you please.
The Cottage
British film alert, number two of the year and its merely March. This is a good wee horror film, its funny and has tits (courtesy of Jennifer Ellison and the pairing of Shearsmith and Serkiss!) and it has scares. Well as far as i am concerned it has scares, i am a total shitbag when it comes to this sort of thing. Its gory, it has cockney gangsters and did i mention jennifer Ellisons cleavage? ooh and she swears, loudly. Lovely. right i suppose i have now proved i am somewhat of a deviant, all i will say is i enjoyed this British indie. Swearing tits!
27 Dresses
Liked this actually, I thought james Marsden in X-Men is the epitome of bawbag but after Enchanted last year and this im coming around. Some funny bits in this and the main burds sister is a ride and a riot all at the same time.
April
(2) In Bruges
Surprisingly excellent, I had heard it was quite funny but quite offbeat, I was intrigued but not overly so, then the DVD was thrust in my hands and I watched it and hey presto it fired itself into 2nd position in the movie review of the year. Its everything I really like, good dialogue, strange situation, and gangsters. Colin Farrell showing he is a really fantastic actor and giving a big eyebrowed man like myself a real boost in that they wont hinder my plans for world domination. Brendan Gleeson is also amazing as his older mentor. Many many many quotable lines and now I want to visit Bruges not many films are this successful as a travelogue, especially as one of the Farrells character constantly slags of the places relative merits!
(9) Street KingsSaw this in a double bill with Iron Man back when I had the time to do such things, I liked it a lot actually regardless of the fact that its littered with tv stars whose tv personas cloud my vision of their new characters. Keanu Reeves shows some good acting chops I think and Forrest Whittakers eye has never been so shady. Surprisingly violent which isnt always a bad thing.
May
(3) Iron Man
Robert Downey Jr’s tour de force performance stand out clearly in this excellent comic book adaptation but i was more drawn to Jeff Bridges shiny nappered scarf wearing baddie. In his review during the year Red notes the Iraq war on terror motifs in it, i like them! A good story for what is hopefully merely a introductory to a wider world. The cracking wee after credit bit with Sam Jackson as Nick Fury: Agent of Shield (not Hoff?) was alluring even though my knowledge of that character and the Avenger team is limited. 2010 cant come quick enough.
(8) DoomsdayA film set in a feral Scotland which has been cut off from civilisation due to a killer virus for thirty years, though i am sure some other hacks have commented that it resembles Scotland pretty much as it is today, boo to them. This was actually surprisingly good i thought, surely a future cult classic. Maybe its just because its all Scottish signifiers (tennents lager, Queen St Glasgow etc) but i really engaged with this, sure its not brilliant and the story has some gaping holes. Rhona Mitras main character has an electronic eye which is only used twice which seemed a bit of a waste, the violence is cartoon like and a bit of a guilty pleasure. Some right mince sub plots are thrown into the mix, Malcolm MacDowell has a cameo which is typically baws and this basically becomes a big soup of weird ideas but fuck it, i enjoyed it.
What Happens in Vegas
A bit pants really, both characters are unlike able so what’s the point? Actually this has become a staple of the rom com nowadays, that one with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston from a few years ago, pair of arses, bring back likeable characters please.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
I have had many discussions about this since its release, ultimately I liked it but I have heard so many people centre on its lack of reality, well lets think about it, a gazillion year old knight looking after a an ancient artefact in one of the previous films (can you tell I am not a fanatic?) that hardly happens everyday so shut up! This should have been the highlight of the year, the swinging monkeys bit meant it slipped out the top ten however.
Sex and the City: The Movie
Baws. Whatever supposedly made the tv show so successful was missed here. Lets see, they flung in a black character, just because. There was casual racism that didn’t seem to get picked up, the black haired prissy one doesn’t trust anything to eat or drink in Mexico. She does and shits herself (the point exactly?) thus showing Mexico is bad. Can I also mention that I wouldn’t ride the old slapper one into battle. Oh aye, the main one gets married, they all learn life lessons and live happily ever after, now just learn what I have just wrote and you never have to watch it but have a ready made opinion. Your welcome.
June
Never seen nothing in June, strange.
July
Mamma Mia!
Why does our main character speak with an American accent when she has spent her whole life in Greece? This question and many more wont be answered ever in this film. Enjoy the old Jimmy Bond singing terribly and a lso look out for a west of Scotland accent. All in all, a burds film and so we’ll leave it at that.
Meet Dave
If you simply have to see an Elizabeth Banks movie this year, try Zach and Miri, however if you find yourself watching this for whatever reason i give you Elizabeth Banks, probably the best reason to see this Eddie Murphy guff.
(1) Dark Knight
For me a perfect movie. Heath ledgers role has been discussed here there and everywhere and yes it is amazing but really the film is so strong throughout that it would have been hard for him to duff it up. All the characters (Maggie Gyllenhall’s excepted) are so well fleshed out, It went in at number 15 or something similarly high in Empires top 500 films ever which was published this year and has gone in at number 2 i think in the Imdb top 250 though its position may have evened out by now and that was ridiculed as if it shouldnt be there. Why? maybe not so high but really this is a genuine classic, not just a comic book movie which we have all seem done well or not so, no this is a terrific action thriller, with terrific undertones of phsycology , style and all sorts of other characteristics that is deemed requsite for the realms of all time greats, this meets all the requirements and just to rub salt in the wound it does so with a guy dressed up as a bat and putting on a right crap gruff accent. As a comic book movie it transcends comic books adn maybe thats why the haters hate. Oh and i went to watch it at the IMAX cinema and the scenes such as the ones in Hong Kong are immense. Chris Nolan i salute you and i hope against hope you return to direct a third installment though if you could fit in a Prestige type in the meantime that would be swell too! Baby Mama
Oh its alright, if I was an American I am sure the prissy woman in it would mean more to me but as I am Scottish she is merely the prissy woman in this film. Hell I know she is SNL and now THE Sarah Palin impersonator (bit of a redundant profession now I suppose) but she doesn’t mean anything to me really. As I say, film is ok, quite funny.
August
X-Files: I Want to Believe
I was a x files fan when I was a young thing, some memorable episodes were the guy who used to disappear into air vents (!) and the family that interbred so much the mother was kept under a bed (!) ok so they arent that memorable to me but i was an avid viewer. Now, a fair few years later and i watch this and you know what, i want the X files back. aA film every couple of years isnt beyond them surely, and if so why not have some of the right weird action packed super weird ones.
(6) Hellboy II: The Golden Army
For me, not as good as the original. But still one of the most visually arresting films of the year. I like things that are great to look at but sometimes I felt it was all a bit too much. The action was great and Hellboy is really really funny and its insanely worked out. Plus it has one of Bros in it, one of bros! Fingers crossed for more Hellboy at the pictures but with the Hobbit lined up it could be some time.
September
Righteous Kill
So, it has came to this, Pacino and De Niro back together again, two of the best actors of their generation and basically the star of some of my favourite ever films. And what is this? Well it is more or less a basic cop film, nothing more nothing less, no masterclass of scenery chewing i am afraid. Dont get me wrong, its ok but the billing of the two meant it could have been so much better, or maybe not, what have they done of note recently? I should have known when their character names are mentioned, Rooster and Turk, really? How ridiculous, and then there is 50 Cent, he is in it, and De Niro’s characters girlfriend likes rough sex, its just a roll up of crap names, weird scenes (the workout scene has to be seen to be believed) and crap script. Oh and the most obvious twist ever.
Righteous Kill
So, it has came to this, Pacino and De Niro back together again, two of the best actors of their generation and basically the star of some of my favourite ever films. And what is this? Well it is more or less a basic cop film, nothing more nothing less, no masterclass of scenery chewing i am afraid. Dont get me wrong, its ok but the billing of the two meant it could have been so much better, or maybe not, what have they done of note recently? I should have known when their character names are mentioned, Rooster and Turk, really? How ridiculous, and then there is 50 Cent, he is in it, and De Niro’s characters girlfriend likes rough sex, its just a roll up of crap names, weird scenes (the workout scene has to be seen to be believed) and crap script. Oh and the most obvious twist ever.
(7) Death Race
A guilty pleasure if ever there was one as this should have been utter crap. But its not, sure its a film that is instantly forgettable but for the 100odd minutes its on screen its mesmerising and thats what counts. Set in the future it has Jason Statham as a guy that works in a steel works (not that that matters as its never mentioned again) he goes home to his wife and then is set up for her murder (not that it matters as its hardly mentioned again) he sees who set him up and notices the guys personality tick (not that it matters cos its never cleared up for definite that he deals with it) no, what matters is the action and the death race itself, and boy is it good, some excellent set pieces and stunts make this the best Friday night movie of the year. Of course its leave your brain at the door stuff cos you wont need it but these sort of things are needed i think. Plus Lovejoys in it.
October(10) Ghost Town
Ricky Gervais plays Ricky Gervais in this nice wee romantic comedy. I liekd it, it was a cool idea and was quite sweet in its delivery. Gervais plays a dentist who is as neurotic as you can possibly imagine, he goes in for a routine operation and is dead for a spell and afterwards he can see ghosts, one of which, Greg Kinnear, tries to get him to help his wife but Gervais falls in love. I though it was funny, my girlfreind thought it was crap. i know what i am talking about, she loved Mamma Mia. Trust me not her, it was good.
November
Zach and Miri Make A Porno
Kevin Smith is back and to be honest it came and went without too much hoopla, i remember when the thought of a new look inside the View Askew universe would have made a bigger mark. I liked this, i actually liked it a lot, the trailer was misleading though i felt, it wasnt exactly what i imagined it was more involved. Right i am meandering my way through the last film in my year review so i will gee it up a bit, i liked the romantic bits more than i thought i would, and the sex scenes are funny. Seth Rogen shouldnt get a mega good looking burd however, it doenst empower fatties around the world, it merely shows them that films are fake. sorry to burst fat folks bubbles. Oh and the year ends as it begins with the sight of a flaccid penis, excellent! Thank you Kevin Smith and indeed thank you Jason Mewes.
December
Never seen shit in December either, so instead here is a wee rundown of my top 10.
10. Ghost Town
9. Street Kings
8. Doomsday
7. Death Race
6. Hellboy II
5. No Country For Old Men
4. There Will Be Blood
3. Iron Man
2. In Bruges
1. Dark Night
If I had done more reviews last year then this could have been abbreviated easier ala Red’s effort, just a rundown of the top ten rather than them all, ah you live and learn.
Roll on next year, or as i have waited till mid January to put this up, roll on this year.
Ruud Kerouac
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