Transformers

The summer of films that are way better than they ought to be continues with the eighties cartoon made (CGI) flesh by ultimate big blowy uppy thingy director Michael Bay.

What does Bay have against our senses? All of his films love to assault them, well two, sight and hearing. If a movie assaults touch, taste or smell then it's just plain wrong/brilliant depending on your point of view. Seriously though, walking out of one of his films leaves you feeling like someone's slashed at your eyeballs with rapid jumpcuts and stood next to you clattering a metal bin with a stick. And Transformers may well be his, if not cinema's, slashiest, bin clatteringist movie yet.

It's visually stunning, big robots shifting between being big robots and motors, big explosions, Megan Fox, crumbling buildings and John Tutorro in his underwear. It's enough to make your eyes melt. Storyline? Something about a pair of glasses, a cube and a geek trying to get off wae a hot bird. And there's some army guys. And some computer hackers. Did I mention the big robots?

Storyline and logic are of no importance in a movie like Transformers. Many may moan about that but let's be honest, it would have just got in the way of big robots fighting. What little there is almost does thanks to a bit too much human screentime. Thankfully the robot effects, especially the transformations, are pretty damn brilliant.

Many a person would call this sort of movie "dumb". They may have a point on some level, but that's ignoring how well crafted the overall thing is. it's actually very clever, because it gives you exactly what you want if you've paid to see Transformers - big robots kicking shit out of each other. Who gives a flying fuck if the story's mince or you don't learn anything from it? If I want to watch a film that teaches me something about the human condition then I'll watch an Ang Lee film. If I don't really feel like that then give me giant robots that double as cars wrecking a city just because it happened to be in the way of their little scuffle. If that makes me dumb then so be it. it doesn't make the movie dumb though.

Don't get me wrong, it has its faults. The aforementioned lack of robots for a good chunk of the opening half of the movie, apart from the comic relief baddie Frenzy and Bumblebee in car form, is a bit disappointing after the initial Blackout attack on an army base. It whets the appetite but it's a good while until the main course truly arrives with the rest of the Autobots. Also Megatron's barely in it. And when the metallic arse kicking starts it can often become confusing as to what's actually happening. The director's at fault there. And what is Bay's obsession with framing people in silhouette in front of a setting sun? Seriously, you'd swear that everyone in a single scene was, even if they're at opposite ends of a field facing each other.

Apart from those minor grumbles Transformers is typical (very) enjoyable summer fare. Don't expect too much from it and it'll deliver. The film's further proof that summer 2007 is actually a bit good compared to the last few. Also it becomes another Michael Bay film that it's acceptable to like, along with The Rock and the first Bad Boys.

The actual trailer: