It Is Upon Us!

What? Well if you need to ask that then you haven't been privy to my schoolgirl about to meet Ronan Keating-like giddiness have you? Today saw the release in the UK of My Name Is Bruce on DVD, a film that is surely destined to be the greatest thing EVER!

Or not, whatever, it has Bruce Campbell in it for fuck's sake. That should be enough.

Anyway I don't have it yet as I pre-ordered on Amazon. Imagine my horror then when I was in my local WH Smith and they had it! I thought they'd be too bloody snobby for a Campbell Joint and so went ahead and got it online. Ach well, it just means I'll come home to find a Brucey Bonus waiting for me later this week.

Rest assured I'll watch and review the hell out of it!

Splice Movies T.W.A.T.

Midweek Movies T.W.A.T. 2nd Mar - 5th Mar 09

T.W.A.T. means to watch avec telly. This is the Spice Guide to whats on telly thats filmy. Read it and post some comments, what you watched, what you didnt, tell me to stop posting thins crap, your choice.

Avec means "with" i know that but rather than "on" and make it T.W.O.T. its T.W.A.T. cos its aesthetically more pleasing.Another weekend has rolled itself around so here is where to find out what is coming up on the telly if your staying in. Or rather you could probably check the papers too, they have the tv listings, yeah! But it doesnt have the same spin on it you will read here so forget the national press and read on.

Monday 2nd Mars 09

A Time to Kill is on bbc1 at 11.15 tonight and guess what, its a decent John Grisham adaptation! Trust me when i say that there is a good few Grisham adapts and by and large they suck, the Chamber being a massive disappointment, but this, this one is good. C4 have phone booth on a little earlier at 11 however and this is perfect for if you have work then next day, why? Only because its one of the shortest films in the last few years! Its on commercial telly and stil comes in under 2hrs, thats just grand. Also on council telly is Police Story (11pm , five) is it just me or is it wrong that our inteligence is insulted in some papers and guides when they billit as Jackie Chans Police Story as if we wouldnt know it already, i mean we all knew exactly what it was aiming at when we read it didn't we? wrong wrong wrong!

Prime time viewing on the digi telly has ITV2 showing Chronicles of Riddick at 9pm, this is the follow up sort of of Pitch Black, which was really rather good though i havent heard too many good things about this, what has really happened to Vin Diesel, remember he presented the European Music Awards in Edinburgh years ago? what will happen to Katy Perry then in years to come? heres hoping its porn.

Film4 have a wee bit of a rotoscoping evening happening with Richard Linklaters two efforts using it back to back, A Scanner Darkly then its predecessor, in style not content, Waking Life. Rotoscoping to the uninitiated is when the live action is painted over frame by frame to make it look animated, it looks cool when done right and this is it done right. bbc4 continue its Hitchcock week, a week i never actually realised was a week until today with Stage Fright then a another wee doco. Nice.

Oh i must mention that sky3 is showing Aztec Rex again so if you missed it on Friday then dont miss it tonight, read the weekend TWAT to see what i am talking about. USually wouldnt mention a repeat on digi channel but when it comes to Aztec Rex exceptions can be made!

Tuesday 3rd Mar 09

normal telly is showing jack shit except Film 2009, which is notable because they are reviewing Watchmen and it spilce friends looks ace! also after film 2009 some British piece of fluff is on, The One and Only, I dont think i have ever heard of it but get the feeling my ever so slight insomnia might lead to me catching a bit of it so i thought i would flag it up anyway.

Digital telly is where its at this fine Tuesday as its Hollywood gold all the way! Panic Room (9pm) on fiveUSA for instance? ITV4 showing Escape from LA then Boyz in the Hood back2back form 10 past 10? film4 showing Independance Day (9pm)? The choice is yours, eacha nd every one is a bone fide winner!

PSome points on a few of them however, what exactly is in a long neck that the guys in Boyz in the Hood and such films drink? and also, who remembers wehn Independance Day was like the biggest thing ever to happen in any given summer? oh and the video box had a hologram thing of the White House which when you moved it left or right it showed the White House on the cusp of blowing up or actually blowing up. Small joys, frankly you can stick your bluray up your arse, holograms such as that are much better than seeing folks plooks cos of the extremly good quality of HD!

Wed 4th Mar 09 and 4th Mar 09 will appear on these pages on Wed about sixish.

Splice Movies T.W.A.T.

Weekend Movies T.W.A.T. 27th Feb - 1st March 09

T.W.A.T. means to watch avec telly. This is the Spice Guide to whats on telly thats filmy. Read it and post some comments, what you watched, what you didnt, tell me to stop posting thins crap, your choice.Avec means "with" i know that but rather than "on" and make it T.W.O.T. its T.W.A.T. cos its aesthetically more pleasing.

Another weekend has rolled itself around so here is where to find out what is coming up on the telly if your staying in. Or rather you could probably check the papers too, they have the tv listings, yeah! But it doesnt have the same spin on it you will read here so forget the national press and read on.

Friday 27th Jan 2009

‘normal’ telly has been at it all week and as we come to Friday its no different, absolutely balls all on. The only thing worth a look and only if you cant find the remote to turn it over or you can find the remote but its slightly out of reach and because its friday you deont actually make any effort to get it....oh and the telly is set to BBC1 then you can watch Halloween H20! You know what, that is a right shit name for a film.

Digital is where its at however, Sky3 to be precise and 9pm the time. Aztec Rex is on. What? Never heard of it? me neither i will admit, however get this, its about 16th century Spanish explorers battling dinosaurs in a South American jungle. now you have to put that gem of a synopsis together with the knowledge (or lack of) that none of us have heard of it and realise that this is going to be a steaming pile of dung, and that friends is a reason to rejoice!

Also on and battling out for your 10pm viewing are three films on ITV4, ITV3 and more4 respectively, Cyborg starring JCVD (he is everywhere right now), The Graduate and Millers Crossing being the films shown. Millers Crossing is the Coens stab at American gangster cinema and frankly its cracking, also if your a Spice fan you will know that the slightly neglected guide to the top 100 films of the 90s has it on the slate as the next film to show up on the ever growing list, so this is a great chance to see what we will be talking about as soon as Red gets his finger out!

Sex Pistols doco The Filth and the Fury is on film4 at 11.15 by the way if you can find and hold the remote in your grasp and cant face Halloween H2O, up to you.

Saturday 28th jan 2009

Saturday has basically decided to follow suit with the working days of the week and decided to be pant also. ITV and C4 have films on at nine each and both are worth a look, you may have seen them, Bourne Supremacy and Shawshank Redemption? Midnight on BBC1 has Terry Gillian mind fucking us to a pulp with 13 Monkeys also, so even though its only three choices there all goodies, dont get me wrong there is more stuff on, but on the whole nothing stuck out so if nothing takes your fancy have a can of beer and make a conscious effort to fall asleep during match of the day.

It’s the pure biz on bbc4 on Saturday, a Hitchcock night of sorts, two films; The Lady Vanishes which is hilarious in parts and Rebecca which is absolutely wonderful. But also on is a hour long doco by Paul Merton called Paul Merton looks at Alfred Hitchcock. Its on at 9pm and surrounded by the two films but get this if you miss it then you can see it the other two times its on this very night! Back of 12 and back of 3. It must be mega!

Nearly forgot, fiveUSA’s western double bill. The Shootist and Silverado. The Shootist is John Waynes last ever film so suppose that piece of history is worth a watch, after having missed McLintock last Sat i may just make The Shootist my entry point to ol Marion’s canon.

Sunday 1st Mar 2009

Does Sunday signify a new week or simply the last day of the old one? Something to ponder i suppose, as far as this preview thing goes its the start of the week as there is some good shit on and plenty of it. BBC2 has Connery and Caine, yes Connerya nd Caine in the Man who would be King at 3pm a good afternoon flick and up against a piece of Bond pish on ITV no less! HA! Easy, no Michael Caine in Bond! If thats not yer bag then Wizard of Oz is on five at 10 to 4. Can i just say that i like those new Orange ad’s with the wicked witch of the west in them, there funny. Evening viewing has Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker in Rush Hour 2, now i dont care what anyone says, i bloody like Rush Hour films, i think they are funny, and Chris Tucker isnt irritating, he is funny as shit! oh alright he is a bit irritating, but it doesnt waste my enjoyment of the east meets west hijinks.

Film4 offer up back to back doozies at 11.20 and then 1.05 so if you can stay up there is Office Space from the guy who did Beavis and Butthead and also Altmans The Player, not a too bad double header. Also worth a watch is Kevin and Perry go Large on ITV2 at 11pm. Its basically about ten thousand willie jokes put together but some memories are brought back for me cos there is a scene where you can see the podium thing i danced horribly on when drunk on a boys hol in Ibiza and that makes me happy.

Cheers.

Splice Movies T.W.A.T.

Midweek Movies T.W.A.T. 23th - 26th February 09

T.W.A.T. means to watch avec telly. This is the Spice Guide to whats on telly thats filmy. Read it and post some comments, what you watched, what you didnt, tell me to stop posting thins crap, your choice.

Avec means "with" i know that but rather than "on" and make it T.W.O.T. its T.W.A.T. cos its aesthetically more pleasing.


Well after 1 week just i managed to fuck the Movie T.W.A.T. up, posting the midweek picks a day late, well sorry.

Right, yesterday you missed, well not a lot really, Clint in Pale Rider on STV and newly crowned Best Director in the Oscars Danny Boyles 28 Days Later, Both of which i havent seen, however i have seen City Slickers and i can say first hand its excellent but it was on ITV2 and thus will be on again, no doubt this week some time!

Tuesday 24th Feb 2009

Nothing of note, film wise, on “normal” telly today so i will pojnt you in the direction of Dangermouse which is on BBC2 at 11 in the morning, let me tell you this, this show was wasted on the young, becuase it is hands down absolutely off its tits hilarious, hilarious.
Bloody Young Guns is on fiveUSA tonight, ya dancer, havent seen this in ages, in fact i have no idea what happens in it its been so long. This isnt the one with the Bon Jovi soundtrack though is it? thats Young Guns II: Blaze of Glory i am sure. I liked Bon Jovi when i was younger, a confession i never thought i would make and certainly not in this context. Strange. Manhunter is also on ITV2 at ten tonight, its supposed to be good but i have always been scared of it so haven't seen it, again another confession, what is wrong with me.

Wednesday 25th Feb 2009

Movie connections reaches the end of its series on BBC1 tonight with a whimper if you ask me, Calendar Girls? Really? But i suppose its not bad background telly. Another Danny Boyle film is on tonight and it follows movie connections on the Beeb, Millions, his film from 2004 about a young fella who finds a bag of money, supposed to be good, again another film i havent seen. Thing is, was this intentional to show these things in the week after the Oscars, and what if he got beat to the statue, they wouldnt have pulled the films but then surely its just for a wee ratings boost. I am overthinking this.

Nothing much on digital on Wed except Ghost of Mars which frankly looks pure baws.
No wait, BBC4 has the Zidane movie! Fitba and cinema mixed with balding Frenchmen. A match made in heaven and only on for 90 minutes! 10pm to 11.30 i now know what i am watching.

Thursday 26th February 2009

What a guff week it has been for “council” telly (i love the names terrestial tv gets) I thought there was a hidden gem on BBC2 on Thurs; James Caan’s jobs about the secret life of the man who made Sonny Corleone such a cinema icon but sadly its just a show about the guy from Dragons Den. Boo.

And digital on Thurs seems to suck donkey dong too, ton of stuff that has been on a fair bit in last week or two so not worth mentioning again, fiveUSA has the Will Smith season on again, Men in Black this week, a goody. You know what i am going to highlight, film4, 6.40, Batman and Robin! Joel Schumacher’s second effort and widely regarded as the one that killed the franchise before Chris Nolan ripped it a new one a few years ago. Its mince, yes that is true, but not as mince as everyone goes on and says it is. Watch it eating your tea, sometimes things are better eating your tea. Hollyoaks for instance, annoying most of the time but with a plate of spag bol in front of you and its strangely palatable. Batman and Robin could be looked upon in this manner.

cheers

My Name Is Bruce: The Countdown Theme Music Plays As We Are Nearing The Time

That's right! My palms are sweaty! Amazon just emailed me recommending the My Name Is Bruce DVD at knock down price because it's now less than a week to go.

Seriously, I'm trying not to poo myself with excitement, although a week is a long time to hold in a jobbie so I'll probably just go about doing a few in the regular scheduled manner.

And The Real Winner Is...

Who cares about who actually won an Oscar. What's more important is who guessed most winners right. On the line is a Mars Bar or chocolate confectionery of the winner's choice.

The scores have been tallied and they stand:

Ruud - 10

Red - 12

Granted that's out of 24 so we're both shite! And naturally we didn't count the technical awards, but nobody, including the Academy, do. Hell they're not even held on the same night never mind televised!

Well I'd like to say that there was great competition this year and that I'd like to thank the forest god Pan for this wonderful thing that has bestown (probably not a real word in any way) me. I'd also like to donate the Mars Bar to Comic Relief, if it doesn't melt in the desert I'm sure some African kid will be chuffed with it.

The Oscars 2009: The Winners

Here's the list of this year's winners.

The Oscars 2009: Red v Ruud

Well the time has come my friends to talk of many things, and the first thing is mars bars and how they will be won through the medium of correct Oscar winning predictions!

Oscars 2009: The nominees

Here is the complete shortlist for the 81st Academy Awards, which are being held at the Kodak Theatre in Los Angeles on 22 February.

Best picture:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire (Ruud) (Red)

Best director:
Danny Boyle - Slumdog Millionaire (Ruud) (Red)
Stephen Daldry - The Reader
David Fincher - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Ron Howard - Frost/Nixon
Gus Van Sant - Milk

Best actor:
Richard Jenkins - The Visitor
Frank Langella - Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn - Milk
Brad Pitt - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke - The Wrestler (Ruud) (Red)

Best actress:
Anne Hathaway - Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie - Changeling (Ruud)
Melissa Leo - Frozen River
Meryl Streep - Doubt (Red, gambling on Blubber Winslet being snubbed for the first time at an awards this year is probably a fool's game but there you go)
Kate Winslet - The Reader

Best supporting actress:
Amy Adams - Doubt
Penelope Cruz - Vicky Cristina Barcelona (Ruud)
Viola Davis - Doubt (Red, even though she's in one scene and Amy Adams is the best thing in the film)
Taraji P Henson - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler

Best supporting actor:
Josh Brolin - Milk
Robert Downey Jr - Tropic Thunder
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Doubt
Heath Ledger - The Dark Knight (Ruud, but i really want Michael Shannon) (Red)
Michael Shannon - Revolutionary Road

Best foreign language film:
Revanche - Austria
The Class - France (Red)
The Baader Meinhof Complex - Germany (Ruud)
Departures - Japan
Waltz With Bashir - Israel

Best animated feature film:
Bolt
Kung Fu Panda
Wall-E (Ruud) (Red, it should be nominated for Best Picture but animation scares those auld bastards at the Academy)

Best adapted screenplay:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Doubt (Red)
Frost/Nixon
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire (Ruud)

Best original screenplay:
Happy-Go-Lucky
Milk
Wall-E
In Bruges (Ruud- ma nap) (Red, it deserves it but the swearing and midget abuse may count against it)
Frozen River

Best original score:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Defiance
Milk
Slumdog Millionaire (Ruud) (Red)
Wall-E

Best original song:
Down To Earth - Wall-E (Red, I don't know why The Boss' The Wrestler didn't get a nomination but this was a cracker too)
Jai Ho - Slumdog Millionaire (Ruud)
O Saya - Slumdog Millionaire

Art direction:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (Ruud) (Red)
Changeling
The Dark Knight
The Duchess
Revolutionary Road

Cinematography:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (Ruud)
Changeling
The Dark Knight
Slumdog Millionaire (Red)
The Reader

Costume design:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Australia (Ruud)
Milk
The Duchess (Red)
Revolutionary Road

Best documentary feature:
The Betrayal
Encounters at the End of the World
The Garden
Man on Wire (Ruud) (Red)
Trouble The Water

Best documentary short subject:
The Conscience of Nhem En
The Final Inch (Red, wild guess)
Smile Pinki
The Witness - From the Balcony of Room 306 (Ruud)

Film editing:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Frost/Nixon (Ruud)
Milk
Slumdog Millionaire (Red)

Make-up:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (Red, although it should go to Hellboy)
The Dark Knight
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (Ruud)

Best live action short film:
Auf der Strecke (On The Line) (Red, another wild guess)
Manon on the Asphalt
New Boy
The Pig Spielzeugland (Toyland) (Ruud)

Best animated short film:
La Maison en Petits Cubes
Lavatory - Lovestory
Oktapodi
Presto (Ruud) (Red)
This Way Up

Sound editing:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Iron Man
Wanted (Ruud)
Slumdog Millionaire
Wall-E (Red)

Sound mixing:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Wanted
Slumdog Millionaire
Wall-E (Ruud) (Red)

Visual effects:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (Red)
The Dark Knight (Ruud)
Iron Man



Let Battle Commence!

The Razzies Winners (Or Losers)

It's the biggest night in cinema's calender, no not tonight and that bloody bore-fest that is the Oscars. No, last night the Razzies were held and here's the winners. I have to admit to having only seen one of these movies, and worse, I now want to see all of them! There, are you happy Razzie Awards judges? These films weren't even on my radar until now! You're promoting crap, not chiding it!

Sorry, I just had an episode thanks to wanting to see The Hottie And The Nottie.

Anyway, the real big night, as shite as it may be, is later on so Splice will be posting our predictions, not to show how great we are at working out Hollywood politics but because we have a bet with each other on who can guess the most correctly.

Splice Movies T.W.A.T.

Weekend Movies T.W.A.T. 20th - 22nd February 09

T.W.A.T. means to watch avec telly. This is the Spice Guide to whats on telly thats filmy. Read it and post some comments, what you watched, what you didnt, tell me to stop posting thins crap, your choice.

Avec means "with" i know that but rather than "on" and make it T.W.O.T. its T.W.A.T. cos its aesthetically more pleasing.

Friday 20th Feb 09

Afternoon off and absolutely hundereds of time on your hands? Cleopatra is on Channel 4 starting at 10.20 and finishing at half three it even has a break for the news just like a classic ITV monday night movie! See a young Liz Taylor and Richard Burton in a lavish excuse of a movie and go make yourself a piece in between, excellent! I will be working though. Boo.

At night; Micky Rourke is a guest on Jonathan Ross, anyone who saw his appearance on Graham Norton will be both worried and excited about the prospects of this. BBC4 has a doco on Motown called Standing on the Shoulders of Motown which is in amongst its Motown night (too much use of Motown?) and More4 has a decent De Niro film (15minutes) both at 10pm.

Crap films for you on friday: Bringing Down the House on BBC1 (11.40) has the magic pairing of Steve Martin and Queen Latifah so that will be crap but it made the cinemas in the UK. STV has How High (12.05) which stars Wu tang Clan member Method Man starring, rap stars as movie stars usually means pish, rap stars as movie stars in movies you have never even heard of before doesnt bode well. Finally Dave (dave?) has a film on, usually its wall to wall Top Gear and Mock the Week but no, Friday the 20th has Code of Silence at 1am adn it stars Chuck Norris! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!

Saturday 21st Feb 09

Another afternoon film on Saturday, 3.25 sees Mclintock shown on BBC2, John Wayne! I am going to make a confession, i have never seen a John Wayne film in my life, not one. Is this the place to start, should i start at all? As evening falls 9pm has many channels vieing for your attentions, virgin1 has De Niro flick Flawless, fiveUSA has Spiderman, ITV has Bourne Identity with old school 10o'clock news in between. Remember the LYNX monday night movie or the monday night movie sponsored by Diet Coke, ah those were the days! BBC3 has the actually quite excellent The Girl Next Door which has the double whammy of a plot about porn starring Elisha Cuthbert totally usurped by a film stealing performance by Timothy Olyphant.

Later on, Scottish film alert on BBC2 True North (10.45) has Peter Mullan in it so must be alright, Peter Jackson pre LOTR in Heavenly Creatures (Midnight, BBC1), Channel4 has Heartbreak Ridge (11pm) with Clint which is good fun and ITV4 has This is Spinal Tap which i genuinly dont get, im sure i will sometime but from memory of seeing it, i simply thought it was one of the most overrated films ever.

Ok, hard to believe i am saying this (especially after my Spinal Tap outburst) but stand out for Saturday is on fiveUSA at 11.20. RoadHouse II: Last Call. A sequel to the best ever film about bouncers, need i say more?

Sunday 22nd Feb 09

Some James Bond flick is on in the afternoon (yawn) but fuck that cos Short Circuit is on five at 6.15! Johnny 5 is alive indeed!

The 9pm battle is between Ray (ITV3) Entrapement (E4) My Super Ex Girlfriend (CH4) and Attack Force (Seagal pish on five) but never mind them cos Top Gun is on at 10 on ITV2 and you dont want to miss any of that! who can tell me off the top of their heads what Mavericks real name is by the way? More Cruise on CH4 at 11.25 in cameron Crowes Vanilla Sky, a true mind fuck. and on film4 at five to one Che Guevarra film The Motorcycle Diaries, heard its good.

Oh aye, its kinda breaking the rules but if you have the chance and the insomnia try watching the Oscars which is on at 1am.

Remember and leave a wee comment if you watch any of these recommendations or have any more to add. or think i waffle a proper load of shit.

Cheers