Toronto International Film Festival 2009 aka TIFF 2009

Two weeks ago today (1oth Sept) the Toronto International Film Festival 2009 kicked off and on Saturday past (19th Sept) it came to a close.

Since I am living in the city at the moment, I put myself forward to volunteer at this years festival and was duly accepted. After coming through the rigourous induction day (ha ha) and learned to accept my fate to be simply doing a couple of shifts over the ten days outside (or inside) a cinema in the city where the festivals films were being shown I recieved a phone call asking if I could promise myself for the whole ten days to work in the communications department (which I had originally hoped for) at Sutton Place Hotel. I duly obliged and signed myslef up for all ten shifts. It turns out this Sutton Place place was the hub of the TIFF (its acronym and what people actually call it, probably because they have no connection to Grants wife from Eastenders but hey) and so over the next week or so I will relay my time at the festival. What I did, what I saw, who I saw, hell even maybe some reviews could be posted in the coming days!

Of course this would have made an excellent day today diary type deal as and when the festival was going on but thats not how we roll at Splice, late or not at all is more our style.

So with this serving somewhat as a introduction I will bid you adieu. But please check in over the coming days to find out all about how my festival experience really was.

Thanks

Ruud Kerouac

The (Non)Blockbuster (but look a bit like Blockbusters) Season Is Upon Us!

Here's another in the occasional series of movie trailer roundups. Think of it as a service that allows you to turn up for a film twenty minutes later than the start time and still be clued in on upcoming movies (unless you're in North America where you're now clued up on movies that were out about a month ago but didn't bother to see).

We're now in the sort of post-Blockbuster season, the big summer movies are done and it's still too early for the fantasy epics that appear around Xmas. Usually that means a lot of quirky, interesting pictures but as these trailers show that might not be quite the case this year:

2012



The hugest of summer movies, and yet it's been held until after the summer. Roland Emmerich may be the greatest example of the auteur theory in action, as he keeps returning to that "world getting the shit kicked out of it" theme again and again. Plus they all feature pretty good casts who don't need to actually act, just perform the role of "plot delivery" between the repeated money shot SFX. Queue this being every 14 year old boy's "Greatest Film Ever" relegating Transformers 2 to the number two slot.

Surrogates



Not a bad idea and it's got Bruce Willis in it which is usually a good thing. The suspicion is that it'll end up just being a bog-standard action flick though. There's also the suspicion that it'll start resembling The Matrix, I, Robot and Minority Report. On other words it'll look a bit like Ghost In The Shell (am I right cool kids?).

Pandorum



Ah, some fun family viewing about a group of happy people's first trip into space and all the colourful, joyous things they encounter. I'm guessing, I tend not to bother paying attention to these.

Looks a bit like Alien = good thing
It comes from the same producers as the Resident Evil films = very bad thing indeed!

One for the possibly decent pile.

Whiteout



Or the incredible story of how one of The Monkees' parents invented Tippex.

Again there's a nice idea here, murder in the frozen tundra. Shamefully it looks like the plot goes a bit mental. Plus Kate Beckinsale in a role that should be going to someone like Tommy Lee Jones doesn't quite wash.*

*I'm cheating slightly with this one as I read some reviews of this whilst in Toronto. It's meant to be utter baws.

Fame



If you needed proof that our pathetic 80's obsession has hit saturation point it's this pointless remake of what was already shite. Blame it on X-Factor and American Idol and Swaziland's Got Talent. It's thanks to shows like that that the public supposedly want tales of the route to stardom, missing the irony that since Fame is set in a talent school you actually do need some to get in and graduate, whereas little is required to succeed in those shows.

Sorry, rant over, but fuck you Susan Boyle with your face and bludgeoning voice. Sorry, it really is over.

The most alarming thing about this trailer; they've somehow made the theme song worse. How is that possible?

Oh, and another irony? Nobody remembers the names of any of the original's cast. Take heed cast of the 2009 version!

Fantastic Mr. Fox



Now this looks like it could be fun. Stop motion animation's cool, the original book's one of the best things the mighty Roald Dahl wrote and it's being directed by every indie kid's favourite indie kid director. Looks like much has been changed but the voice cast's good and if Anderson can re-capture the spirit and tone of the book this could be a winner.

Great Swayze Lines From The Movies

Here's a bumper Great Lines special dedicated to Splice Hero of Cheese Patrick Swayze:

"Well, when you grow up... then you'll know these things, Danny. Now get up here and piss in the radiator" - Jed shows how age gives you new perspectives on how to fix a car, Red Dawn

"You just put your pickle on everybody's plate, college boy, and leave the hard stuff to me" - Johnny talking about sex, or dancing, or whatever, it's a bloody chick flick and, no, I'm not including that line about an infant on the periphery of the room or something, Dirty Dancing

"I'm gonna do my kind of dancin' with a great partner, who's not only a terrific dancer; somebody who's taught me that there are people willing to stand up for other people no matter what it costs them; somebody who's taught me about the kind of person I wanna be" - Film's message, you are clear to land via Swayze's mouth, Dirty Dancing

"Ditto" - Sam Wheat proves that with the ladies all you need is one word that means "right back at ya" to make them melt, oh and some killer abs, Ghost

"You are a fear prisoner. Yes, you are a product of fear" - Jim Cunningham, who is an actual prisoner, a product of liking little kids a tad too much, Donnie Darko

And now a drum role for the two best roles Mr. Swayze ever had, both are endlessly quotable and so here's a shitload of quotes:

First the Steven Pressley lookalike Bodhi from Point Break (you can follow each one of these quotes with the phrase "like dude"):

"Little hand says it's time to rock and roll"

"100% pure adrenaline!"

"Life sure has a sick sense of humor, doesn't it?"

"Back off Warchild, seriously"

"They only live to get radical"

"Goddamn! You are one radical son of a bitch!"

"Six seconds. We're going to be meat waffles"

"Yo, Johnny! I see you in the next life!"

And now for the Swayziest of all the Swayze roles, Dalton from Roadhouse (insert "FUUUUUCK YAAAAAAAAS!!!!!" after each of these quotes)

"Pain don't hurt"

"All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary. And three, be nice"

"I want you to be nice until it's time to not be nice"

"If you're gonna have a pet, keep it on a leash"

"My way... or the highway"

I think that we should go back to Point Break's Bodhi for our final quote:

"If you want the ultimate, you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It's not tragic to die doing what you love"

Back From Holiday

Aye so the Toronto Film Fest is on and I'm back hame from my holiday, but Ruud's been cutting about it and says it's right good!

I did get to catch one film, a fantastic little new thing called Steamboat Bill Jr. from an exciting new talent called Buster Keaton, who I think might be related to Michael, which was screened for free in Yonge Dundas Square:



Best stunt you'll see all year that!

As for getting to catch up on some films I missed if the weather was bad, this happened:
I just cannae win sometimes can I?

Anyway attempts to to get District 9, Hurt Locker and some other stuff will be made, just to be up to date.

I did watch some other films while I was away though. On the plane going out I watched Anvil: The Story Of Anvil:



Basically it would be a shameless Spinal Tap rip-off if it wasn't for the fact that Anvil are a real band and the film is a documentary. Turns out the seminal "rockumentary" may have been very, very, accurate. It's a film worth seeing, and their music ain't too shabby either.

Another music documentary where the music wasn't so good but the story was most definitely interesting was Shut Up And Sing about The Dixie Chicks during the fallout of comments made about George W. Bush that meant that they as a country group were at logger heads with the opinions of a large chunk of their fan base:



It was another freebie in the square and is worth a watch.

The other two films I watched ended up being tributes to two fallen idols of the 80's. No not Louis and Auguste Lumiere, I meant the 1980's!

On the plane back I finally re-watched Ferris Bueller's hard fought attempt to have a day off school, and it must be said it is not only John Hughes' finest hour and forty minutes, it's up there with the finest of the decade.

The other turned out to be a retro-active tribute to the finest actor to ever grace our screens without a shirt, Patrick Swayze. One night when we got home pished Road House was on Canadian TV. It really is the greatest dumb movie ever made, a movie that verges on being absolute genius because of how stupid it is. I can't think of a better way to spend a drunken night.

Swayze Hits The Highway

Sadly Patrick Swayze has lost his battle with cancer. At the time of the news of his diagnoses Splice made him the first "Splice Hero Of Cheese" and the sentiments expressed there still hold true.

The fact that he continued to work after the diagnosis and didn't turn what was left of his life into a media circus is testament to the guy.

Let's remember him the way he should be, shirtless and kicking ass:



R.I.P. Dalton

Holiday!

See how Toronto has a pure brilliant film festival?

Aye?

Well guess where I'm going...a week too early.


Yup it's holiday time and sadly I never clicked about the film fest. As such not only will I not be seeing the newest films I'll also be missing the ones that have just come out here. As such Hurt Locker, Funny People and District 9 will have to wait until I get back.

Unless any are still showing over there and it's raining (I'm going, it'll be raining).

Great* Lines From The Movies *Interpretations of "great" may differ from mines, Part 8

"Like a midget at a urinal I'd have to stay on my toes"

Frank Drebin, Naked Gun 33 1/3

Inglourious Basterds

Historical accuracy isn't something Hollywood does well. In fact it mainly doesn't bother with it at all. According to Braveheart the battle of Stirling Bridge took place in the middle of a big field, the clue to the true location is in the title. One of the biggest bugbears tends to be with American depictions of World War II. Too often the only accents on show are Yank or OTT Kraut. All of those other nationalities involved? You wouldn't know there were any. That isn't a problem in Tarantino's latest, indeed it's awash with Euro-talk, even in their own languages for much of the time. History isn't treated with quite as much regard. Inglourious Basterds' depiction of the Second World War isn't so much The Big Red One, more Operation Dumbo Drop, obviously with less elephant but much more scalping.

This is Tarantino's war movie but true to tradition it isn't actually a movie about war. This is a movie about other movies about war, a war film film if you will. Inglourious Basterds makes no grand statement on the folly of war, the pointlessness and senseless waste of human life, but then that's not the point. It has more to say about the use of something as tragic as World War II as the setting for rip-roaring entertainment. Not a great deal more since this is also a film that does that, but it's all, you know, tongue rammed in cheek clever, or something. Frankly it's a Tarantino film which means all the good and/or bad thing that usually means.

What it means is snappy dialogue and stylish violence and Inglourious Basterds is as full of those as Gordon Ramsay is as full of himself. The whole shebang opens with a twenty minute scene that mainly consists of the former as Col. Hans Landa, AKA The Jew Hunter, interrogates a French farmer. It's a fantastically tense scene and it introduces us to the real star of the film, sorry Mr. Pitt. Christoph Waltz's performance is really quite special, but the character he is playing is equally as brilliant. Landa is Tarantino's main achievement and showcases the director's writing at its absolute best. By the way that's not to say Brad Pitt isn't good, quite the opposite. He's clearly having a bawl as Lt. Aldo Raine, all Kentucky accent and bravura. He's also the comic focal point of the movie, something that Pitt showed he was capable of in Burn After Reading. The best comic moment comes as Raine and two of his men have to pose as Italians when they know maybe five phrases between them and none of them can do the accent. It's okay though as it turns out that Germans can't tell the difference between a Roman and someone speaking cod-Italian in a thick Kentuckian accent.

The thing is that those positives also act as problems. While the dialogue is great much of the time Inglourious Basterds suffers from too much of it. Huge swathes of the middle chapters feel like they should have been cut. As tense as the opening chapter is the trick isn't quite repeated later in two separate segments set in a restaurant and a bar respectively. Both chapters contain much to like but they feel overlong. It's as if Tarantino has fallen in love with the sound of his own voice when spoken by one of his characters. It was a major problem in his last film Death Proof, too much chatter, not enough stunt woman hanging off a car bonnet. Things are thankfully not as drastic here. Another problem is the humour. It is used sparingly and well, until the finale that is. It's an audacious, visually stunning scene, but there's also a sudden lurch into slapstick. One character even trips and falls whilst making his way past fellow cinema patrons. Upon reflection there is some advance warning during one of those overly talky scenes. When Nazi Fredrick Zoller attempts to woo Shosanna Dreyfus he goes on about French silent comedy and how it compares to Chaplin. Here was me thinking it was just ol' Quentin showing off his knowledge of early European cinema, kind of like that Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich stuff in Death Proof. We get it, you like cool music. Turns out it was actually very clever foreshadowing for the mass outbreak of stupidity at the end. Maybe.

This inconsistency is something that plagues the entire film. For everything that works in it there's something that doesn't. As great as the characters of Landa, Raine and Shosanna are pretty much all the rest are either one-note or have nothing to do. B.J. Novak's Utivich doesn't even speak until about fifteen minutes from the end. And as great as some of the casting is Mike Myers feels a little too in-jokey, Michael Fassbender isn't in it enough and there's Eli Roth. Roth is perhaps the luckiest man in Hollywood. If you though he was a disaster as a director wait until you see him act. Being chums with a hugely successful director clearly has its rewards though as here he plays a pivotal role, while infinitely more talented actors shuffle about in the background doing the square root of hee-haw. It's a woeful misjudgment by Tarantino.

It's these misjudgments that ultimately stop Basterds from being the rip-roaring killfest it should be. The pacing is all over the place separating the fun action stuff with long, dull scenes. Stylistically there are many nice little touches, look out for the subtitles and how they work in relation to which characters are on screen and how much they understand. Sadly Tarantino can't help doing, well, "Tarntino-y" stuff. Doodling things on screen, breaking a scene to give a character an introduction that looks like a screen from the Street Fighter character select, it's all a bit trying too hard really. The most alarming aspect of his last couple of films though comes in the shape of narrative. Death Proof didn't have one. Basterds attempts to readdress that by returning to the complex multi-narrative structures of his earlier films but he just doesn't pull it off. The strands fail to come together in a satisfying way, instead they simply collide thanks to setting of the finale. After the carefully intertwining plots of Pulp Fiction it feels somewhat slapdash.

Inglourious Basterds could have been something special. As it stands there's a great film in there, sadly to see it you need to also watch a boring, self indulgent, Eli Roth starring one. there's enough here to say it's worth seeing but how much you love it will likely depend on your pre-existing opinion of its director. All in all Inglourious Basterds is a bit of an inglorious mess.

Jewish Critic's Take On Inglourious Basterds

Ahead of Splice's review of Tarantino's latest I felt I had to provide a link to this post on the IMDB about what Jewish critics thought about it. I do so purely because the phrase "Jewish revenge porn" is simply brilliant and thought credit where credit's due.

So well done to the critic at the Jewish Daily Forward that. Consider it hereby nicked by Splice. Let us herald a new genre of film, the Jewish Revenge Porn. Work will now start on a script that can do the genre name justice. Something about a horny plumber seeking revenge for his lack of a foreskin maybe.

Brace yourself for a bidding war major Hollywood studios!

Avatar Footage

Well the build up to the "biggest most revolutionary thing since someone took a knife to bread/most overhyped pile of poo from an over-the-hill formally great director with too much money to burn" has hit overdrive with the screenings of some footage from it. Being a pleb I haven't seen that but the trailer's cutting about now too.



I think I'm most alarmed about the fact that it looks like a 2009 update of one of those early 90's animated shitfests:



Avatar: The Last Rainforest is out in December in spangly faddish 3D. It might look better then.