JCVD

When talking about Cinema it's doubtful that the names Jean-Luc Godard and Jean-Claude Van Damme have come up in the same sentence all that often, unless it's to point out that Jean forms a bit of both their names. One is an exponent of hyper-kinetic filmmaking that changed Cinema whilst the other is Jean-Luc Godard (HA HA HA!). Lame puns aside, ol' JCVD has just went and played a beat-up version of himself, that judging by recent interviews, may not be too far from the truth, in a film that plays a lot like something that would have come out of the French New Wave.

Now I'm not a fan of that particular school of filmmaking, it was too up itself for my liking, but there's no denying its importance and many of the things that it influenced have been great, although they tend not to go as gung-ho with breaking the conventions of movies as those original films. JCVD does. In fact it positively revels in the creative freedom preached by those 60's Gallic flicks featuring a plot told in broken chronology, flamboyant camera work and an astonishing six minute monologue delivered to camera by the central protagonist. This scene alone is worth seeing JCVD for. Throughout the movie Van Damme plays a version of himself who appears broken, done in by a career that he is not proud of and that has now destroyed his family life. He's getting too old to keep doing it but it's the only thing open to him. The prospect that he may die in the Post Office heist he is caught up in makes him confront the choices he has made in life and the monologue acts as a confessional. His performance has already been striking up until this moment and the raw emotion he shows during it further proves that Van Damme may have all along been a brilliant actor forced into having to do action movies to make a living. The fact that he is also allowed to speak in his native tongue instead of the second language he usually does clearly helps him achieve this level of intensity.

In an attempt to sell the film to his usual audience JCVD has been made to look like an action film. Instead this is an arty European movie that plays like Godard making Dog Day Afternoon. It serves as an interesting character study of a man famous for a career he may not have ever wanted, the twist being that the subject of the picture is himself just that and happens to also share his name with the protagonist. It's by no means perfect but what JCVD is is an interesting curio that deserves to be seen by fans of Van Damme and those who have little time for him. No matter your preconceptions about him this film, and in particular his stunning performance, will go a long way to changing them.

Splice's Greatest Films Ever Made To Come Out In The 90's (the 1990's): An Update

Well our super-duper list has been on hiatus for a while but I went and upgraded all my Coen Brothers films to DVD and I'm in the process of re-watching them all so there's going to be a few new entries on the list. Thought I'd post this to explain why there'll be a number of Coens ones in a row. Next one coming soon.

Splice Movies T.W.A.T.

Midweek 16th - 19th Feb 09

Splice from now on brings you a regular update on movies and the like of sort of thing that you can watch from the comfort of your own settee. Movie T.W.A.T. means movies to (T) watch (W) avec (A) tv (T). Now i know what your thinking, avec means with, well yes it does but TWOT with the o for on but really TWAT is far more childishly funny so avec it is. Movies to watch with tv: Movie T.W.A.T. See?

basically it will cover all films wortha look on terrestial tv and also freeview, plus anything else which might be deemed worthy by us. Also your attention will be brought to whenever a cheese hero of the movies makes a appearance on the box. seagal, JCVD, Swayze, etc.

soon i will boil all that info down into something much more managelble but for now...

Right here goes, Monday the 16th is tonight and tonight we have a rake of good stuff, American Cousins is on BBC1, its a cracking wee scottish movie written by a guy i and red have met, a certain Sergio Casci. We met him at university, (he did a lecture, he wasnt a clasmate) and he was a top bloke. Truth is we were asked to watch the film before we met him so my thoughts on it are based on own opinion and not simply cos the Casci is a cracking guy. Its on after midnight though so it'l be a late one. Also on late is John Woo's the Killer which is dove releasingly amazing, if you cant wait up all night watch the opening scene just until he recovers his hidden guns in the plant pots. Stunning.

earlier at a more prime time Vinny Jones plays a footballer in Mean Machine (CH4 10pm) which isnt all that bad, jason Statham is the tits and the more movies you see him in you more realise that he will be the JCVD of years to come. Seagal as a cook on a boat is Under Seige on E4 with that burd from Baywatch jumping out a cake and Tommy Lee Jones good as the baddie. Fiver (possibly the gayest name for a tv channel ever) has Go at 9pm and its def worth a watch but if you miss it no biggy, these channels show the same pump every couple of days or weeks.

Tuesday 17th is a bit lighter, Drama with her from saved by the bell that got her bits out in Showgirls years ago (what one?) in Student Seduction is on BBC1 at quarter to 2, dunno whether its worth staying up for mind you. Film 2009 is on earlier though it still has Jonathan Ross, not that i dont like him, i do, however i thought the Splice effort at taking over wasnt given the chance it deserves, one mans opinion thats all. The Culture show on BBC2 at 10pm has kermode talking Oscars so thats worth a look.

KickBoxer is on Five USA (renamed from fiveus aas of Monday weirdly) at nine, always wortha look even if your only tuning in back and forward. Silence of the Lambs is on ITV2 too at 10.

Wednesday 18th has sleeping with the Enemy on five at 10pm. I remember this being huge in the 90s, probably is pants though, Julia Roberts as a abused wife and crazy guy who fixes the tins in the cupboard, aye, prob is pants. BBC has there cracking series Movie Connections on tonight and this week its Local Hero. I only watched this for first time a few weeks ago and it is fantastic! So i shall watch this with interest. Bowfinger is worth a look on ITV2.

I should also tell you that Patrick Swayze's new series starts tonight on FiveUSA. Beast its called and thats all i know, but its Swayze as an FBI agent, what can go wrong? BBC4 has Oscar winner Tsotsi from a few years ago. Powerful South African Stuff.

Thursday 19th. Here we go, holy mince film alert, True Identity on BBC1 is an early 90s film starring Lenny Henry at the peak of his popularity, we thought he was Eddie Murphy so we made him play awhite guy and a black guy, genuis. So bad its bad. half 11 is when to get the telly turned over. Apart from that a JCVD double bill on ITV4 from 9pm has Hard Target and Nowhere to run and Five USA kicks off its Will Smith season with Bad Boys II which while not as good as the first one is alright. Word of warning though, it has adverts and was already far too long, this will seem like Once Upon a Time in America with the N word said loads and sunsets galore. God bless Michael Bay.

Damned United: An Update

Here is the trailer, not exactly an exclusive i suppose, you have probably seen it already but nevertheless.



It comes out 27th March! go on ya beauty!

Doubt

It's that time of year when the release schedule offers up its "worthy" films, and I'm sure it's a total coincidence that the Oscars happen about now. Doubt is a perfect example of one of those types of films, all brilliant acting and weighty subject, with barely a squeak of humour to be found. In this case it's the issue of sexual abuse in the Catholic church and the nature of faith, and obviously doubt. One look at the main players will tell you what to expect on the acting front; Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams. Throw in that it's an adaptation of a heralded play and you have awards bait.

And that's probably Doubt's main problem. Like so many films released around about awards season it feels designed to garner them, to the extent that it's difficult to connect to it. The same can be said for films such as The Reader or Changeling, they feel more like exercises than emotional experiences. Doubt does manage to rise above these film's sterility, but it's almost in spite of itself. The direction, by the writer who also penned the stageplay John Patrick Shanley, is poor to say the least. He relies too heavily on weird camera angles and visual metaphors as blunt as a well used pencil to try and convey his point.

Thankfully the acting rises above the shoddy direction. Hoffman is as good as he always is as charismatic priest Flynn while Streep is a whirlwind as the head Nun suspicious of his approach to children. This is a woman so sure of her convictions that she doesn't need proof, she just knows. It's an award worthy performance from one of the business' bona fide legends. The problem is that the confrontations between the two feel stagy, another of Shanley's shortcomings as he fails to make this theatrical adaptation feel cinematic, no matter the visual attempts mentioned previously. It means that although these two are acting their arses off, we know it. They feel like actors playing these parts as opposed to the characters themselves. Be thankful for Amy Adams then, one of the best actresses around at the moment. Her Sister James is a timid soul and the one character who feels totally natural.

What does separate Doubt from those other "worthy" pictures is its refusal to give easy answers. It's central premise is a touchy subject and the film asks the audience to side with a man who may be touching up kids against the person who wants to stop him for good. It would have been very easy for Doubt to have hamfistedly tackled this subject and made all the points that people want to hear. Instead it revels in making you question everything without necessarily giving you the answers to those questions, prepare to be frustrated if you're the type who needs closure in a film. It means that despite its many failings Doubt is still worth seeing.

BAFTA Winners

Just in case you care here's the winners of this year's BAFTA awards. Now I've already ranted about this piss poor excuse for a back slapping shindig when the nominations came out so I won't repeat myself. Instead I'll take the positives:

Slumdog cleaning up, hopefully it will at the Oscars now too,

In Bruges earning Martin McDonagh an award for Best Original Screenplay,

Er...that's it, really.

One point though, going back to the point I made about having separate Best Film and Outstanding British Film categories; if Slumdog's the best film of the last year how is it not the best British film? Or is that why it's worded as "outstanding", but then if that's the case then it shouldn't be nominated for the two awards.

Sorry, I'll shut up now as that's the tinpot Academy Awards over for another, underwhelming year. Roll on the Oscars so I can moan some more about that!

My Name Is Bruce: Update

Empire has reviewed it. They gave it 2 stars (out of 5). Personally I'm glad. Why? Because a Bruce Campbell film shouldn't be a 5 star getter, that's why. It bodes well for me that "serious" reviewers don't like it.

To quote:

"(Campbell has turned) in a clumsy comedy-horror...that squeaks through on the force of his personality alone. For Deadites only."

Sounds bloody brilliant to me!

The (Non)Blockbuster Season Is Upon Us!

It's winter and to form Britain's transport system has ground to a halt thanks to "extreme conditions" that others call wintery weather. It's also the time where things are a bit chilly on the hot movie front (see what I did there?) with it being a long way off until the summer blockbuster season. It's also the post-Xmas fantasy movie period so the trailers before films aren't quite as CRASH, BANG, WALLOP as they are at other times. Of course this is actually a time when a number of cracking films, mainly subtle dramas, comedies and Oscar chasers, appear. So hears a wee look at the trailers that were on before a few of the films out in January, let's put it this way there ain't a Transformers!

Revolutionary Road



Looks bleak din't it? Fuckin' hell man. It's freezing out and the World's falling apart so let's go for some escapism at the cinema. That's escapism if your life's so shite that a couple stilted by their suffocating surroundings shouting at each other for two hours seems like bliss.

Looks like the acting's a bit good though, eh?

Vicky Cristina Barcelona



In which a bunch of smarmy people act smarmy because their lives are great and the Credit Crunch means nothing. Why would you want to watch that for two hours? Cinema's not about escapism, it's about reflecting how shite my life is and I want to see others suffering!

Oh, and how about Javier Bardem? What better way to leap back from having to sport a Dora The Explorer haircut in No Country than getting it on with Penelope Cruz, Scarlett Johannson and that tasty yin from Frost/Nixon? Jammy bastard!

Gran Torino:



FUCKIN' YAAAAS!!!! Clint's rocking the shit in this one. Many hacks will say "it's Dirty Harry after he retires" and frankly I'm just as lazy. This looks bloody brilliant, kind of like if Dirty Harry was a pensioner and went mental.

Is it wrong that the sight of an aged Clint Eastwood made me as exited as seeing big CG robots beating the hell out of each other? Yes, yes it probably is.

Christian Bale goes Ape

I have done this, actually we have all done this, you know, not because of lights on a set or that obviously, no more like when your dinner isnt on the table when you get in from work. Admit it, im right? and also, when we all do it, lets all admit that we flip between an american and english accent, go on admit it. going ape shit is terrific fun.



oh, and how totally shite is this news anchor team? ooft! in the words of Tommy Sheridan, PISH!

The young turks ma baws.

My Name Is Bruce: The Countdown Begins

ONE MONTH! ONE MONTH until My Name Is Bruce finally appears on Region 2 DVD. It could be shite, Bruce is directing and he ain't Raimi, but it could be fuckin' brilliant in that cheesy bad excellent type way:



There's also a boxset with four of Bruce's films. That's a night of cheese right there!

The countdown begins!