Splice Advent Calender 08: Day 8

S. A. C. 2008: 8th December

It's a Die Hard Christmas Motherfuckers!

Splice Advent Calendar 2008: Day 7

S.A.C. 2008: 7th December

I moved into my own wee flat in February this year so this is my first Christmas in it so i thought i would post updates on my decorations. The tree was bought on Friday and put put up last night, its a work in progress i must stress, the lights and about 6 baubles are on it, i shall post all further alterations for your viewing pleasure. It stands at three feet tall and cost me the princely sum of £2 pounds, The lights are blue and white and they cost £3.50, when the big light is out and its just the tree lights on it turns the white tree an lovely hue of blue, very nice.

Next on the shopping list is some more baubles, and a angel for the top, or a star, i havent decided yet. i might even if the mood takes me, make my own baubles, though i must admit, that is highly unlikely. Also this photo was taken at my Girls house not mine, it has still to be moved to its home. Anyway, i am off to do a little Christmas shopping tomorrow so it may not look so bare by Tuesday, i shall return with more photos.

Splice Advent Calender 08: Day 6

S. A. C. 2008: 6th December

Cinematic Titanic: Santa Claus Conquers The Martians



Cinematic Titanic's Christmas offering is a strange old affair for anyone who worships at the alter of Riff. You see the movie they have chosen to verbally destroy is Santa Claus Conquers The Martians, not so much a film as a high speed sleigh crash that killed four, ruining Christmas for all the children of the world, as long as they live in the Jesusy bit. So far, so good then. They've picked a movie worthy of the treatment meted out to it. The problem is is that it has had this treatment before. And not just by anyone, but by Mystery Science Theater 3000, or for those not knowledgeable of the Riff family tree, the show that the Cinematic Titanic crew all started out on. And it's not even a minor entry in that show's canon. It's considered an out and out classic, so much so that it was packaged in a set called The Essentials with maybe the most famous episode Manos: The Hands Of Fate. Repeated riffs aren't new. In the same season as the original Santy Claus they redone a number of Japanese movies, including five Gamera titles, previously attacked during the show's Season Zero. They improved on the first attempts no end, with a few becoming classics that the first goes would never. But the original Santy isn't a fumbled, improvised attempt like those Japanese ones so why re-riff?

It would appear for no other reason than to say "because we can". That and it really is an Xmas movie that deserves to be massacred for the holidays. Both that and the determination to prove that they can do it seems to have brought the best out in them.

Now at this juncture I'm going to admit that I am not one of those who believes that the MST3K treatment of Santy is one of their best. I actually find it to be one of their most overrated episodes. The host segments are excellent;



and the riffing is of a good level but next to some other episodes from the same time, and the later Xmas episode riffing a Mexican movie called Santa Claus, show it up to be nothing more than a decent episode. As such the consternation I felt about CT re-doing this was borne out of the idea that sometimes it's best to leave the past behind. On other words I actually shared the belief of those who love the first version that they might not do a funnier version. The main reason is the film itself. It's a glorious mess, but it's also quite boring. Plus I wasn't too sure about the whole re-riffing thing as a whole. The movie's been done by you already so just leave it.

Well, and I don't want to sound like a CT sycophant after four positive reviews so far, it's bloody brilliant. My preconceptions were made to look foolish by this. Not only is the new riffing good, it's better than the MST one. Any reservations about having to go through this film again were quickly quashed by the material. See the thing is, it's been a long time since that original episode. A long time for the writers/performers to change and for a lot of stuff to happen. At one point Joel even gives a nod to this fact by pointing out that he can't remember why Pia Zadora being in it was funny to them.

There is another secret weapon, the one CT riffer who wasn't on MST when Santy was riffed. Josh Weinstein had left the show after Season 1 so this is his first crack at it. What he does here is something that has been impressive to me about him throughout CT so far, he's a bit edgy. He seems to be the one that goes places, such as the MILF Kringle line or pointing out that not every kid's Christian in the world. And check out his cynicism during the ladder scene.

Despite being a "repeat" this is terrific fun, and perfect Xmas viewing. What at first appeared to be a problem turns out to be CT 5's strength. By repeating a movie that has been previously riffed and is well loved it has forced them to operate at the highest riffing level. Having to write a whole new set of riffs has forced them to try new angles. It's these things that make this better than the original MST3K treatment. Ultimately redoing a movie brought out the best in these guys and proved me wrong in the bestestest of ways.

You can get Cinematic Titanic 5: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians here on DVD or in high-tec download.

Splice Advent Calendar 08: Day 5

S.A.C. 2008: 5th December

Ah, the joys of Christmas mixed with terrorism:

Splice Advent Calender 08: Day 4

S. A. C. 2008: 4th December

Who said Christmas was all about money and commercialism? Well me actually, and here's the proof!

Not content on letting the song "Twelve Days of Christmas" lie, money men haven't only calculated the cost of buying all of the items, you know many a prick has thought of doing it to show his woman how much she means to him, now they're moaning because the cost has went up. It sits at $21,080 according to the Yanks who do this thing for a laugh, because when you're in the financial industries this is as funny as it gets folks. But now they're trying to pretend it's worthwhile by claiming it highlights where America's economy's at each year. Yes, shock horror, stuff costs more!

But it turns out the reason for a sharp increase in the cost this year is down to something even more volatile than the stock exchange; the swan.

So if your "true love" is wondering why she's having to do with a couple of budgies and some jelly rings out of the Pick 'N' Mix remember, it's all the swans' fault.

Splice Advent Calendar 08: Day 3

S.A.C. 2008: 3rd December

I can't resist folk doing clever stuff with lego. Apologies for the Crazy Frog.

Splice Advent Calender 08: Day 2

S. A. C. 2008: 2nd December

So you're a bit confused as to what this "Christ mass" thing is then. Some people are even cutting about calling it "Winterville" so as not to offend non-Christian types. But what do you do, where do you go if you don't know your Christmas arse from your elbow? How do you find out if Jesus and Santa are brothers, if Rudolph's nose is actually a sign of heart disease?

Here, that's where! Thanks to the folks at How Stuff Works you can now find out exactly how Crimbo works! Sift about and find out hunners. To quote from the intro to the piece:

­The first harbingers of Christmas arrive in October when jarring sales and dec­orations follow fast on the heels of summer. But by December, Christmas's true heralds are out: twinkling lights lining streets, the smell of balsam and spice cookies wafting through the house and visits from friends and relatives. The season's spirit drives people to the mall, to the kitchen, to midnight mass and to festive gatherings.

Personally it drives me to fucking drink.

Jim Bond: One Month On

I for one am delighted that the webspace that is SPLICE seem to be a haven for people who dont particularly like James Bond. It is, effectively, a Quantum of Solace from Bond if you will. (see what i did there?)

I suppose this has broken the silence so i will enlighten you to my experiences of Bond while here and be done with it.

In total i have seen five Bond films. In the order; Goldeneye, Tommorow Never Dies, Dr No, From Russia with Love and The World is Not Enough. Goldeneye was surprisingly good, Tommorow Never Dies was ok so i thought i would watch them from the beginning, Dr No and Russia were Love then i gave up, "fuck it" i thought, i just dont get it, what is it about Bond that everyone (some of my mates especially) cream their shorts about? The final nail in the coffin was actually spending money at the cinema to see The World is Not Enough. Utter tripe.

I have seen some of the props from the films, the motor that goes under water or something, some other car that does something unbelievable, a gun probably, er, it was a wee while ago now that i was in Florida but i did see it.

And thats it, if i am honest then i will admit that i have hankered slightly to see Casino Royale but so far havent followed through on it. Maybe i wont.

This is all very meandering, just felt that something had to be said about Bond, James Bond and this is all i can offer, so bearing in mind i havent seen all the films, i have heard most of the songs and in all Bond based things people pick out their favourite villain, favourite Bond, favourite song, yadda yadda yadda. So my favourite Bond out of the 2 i have seen is Brosnan, favourite film: Goldeneye. the song from this the newest film has slowly grown on me and personally i think its a cracker so its my favourite Bond Theme. There we go, the dirty deed is done, Bond has been broached and i have came out the other side. So go wash your hands and then come back and enjoy Jack White and Alicia Keys.

Splice Advent Calendar 08: Day 1

S.A.C. 2008: 1st December 2008

Splice Advent Calender abbreviates to SAC, well that basically says it all doesnt it. Ok in keeping with the spirit of last years calendar here is some video i found on the inter web of world wide geeks. The countdown to Christmas has begun. Enjoy.



oh aye, in case you cant put your finger on the Christmas reference, THE TUNE IS JINGLE BELLS!

Ruud Kerouac

The Splice Advent Calender 2008

Starts today.

That's right, it's that time of year again! The countdown to Xmas begins. Twenty four days of Xmas related goodies, or more than likely, Xmas related chuff. Ruud and myself shall be taking it in turns to bring you Xmas cheer!

So everybody;

JINGLE BELLS, BATMAN SMELLS...